Facebook guy stopped by yesterday with his youngest daughter. We played some games of pool and then my sister stopped by. We spent some time talking about her property in Croatia and I think he was a bit intrigued by her experiences there. She really liked him. She said she could see why I like spending time with him and also commented that it seemed to her we had friend zoned each other. She thought that was smart because there is a good chance our friendship would last longer than a romantic relationship anyway. We’re having Easter dinner at my place on Monday and she said I should invite him. She’s like him to meet her H.
So...went out with that 38 year-old guy I’ve been texting with last night. We hadn’t made any plans but he texted me and asked me if I would meet him half way between where we lived. I was bored and every once in awhile I like to do things on the spur of the moment so I thought, why not? Met him at a bar at 10 pm...really close to my usual bedtime...lol. He looked just like his picture...young and cute in a boyish kind of way. We both got asked for our ID by the bouncer. Legal age here is 19...lmao. Kinda made my night. Anyway...there was a band playing and it was really loud but we managed to have a conversation even though we had to repeat ourselves a lot. I was hoping he would think of me as a “big sister” but not sure if that was what he thought...lol. I gave him a hug goodbye and we agreed we would keep talking. He also said he would show me some things on the guitar. He texted me when he got home to ask if I had made it home alright. I still think he is too young and a bit too small town for me but I liked hanging out with him. He is kinda shy but also smart and didn’t miss an opportunity to make me laugh. I’ll probably hang out with him again.
Have another first date tonight with the guy that I seem to have things in common with. First guy I will have gone out with since my first divorce that is older than me. I’ve talked to him a fair amount on the phone. I think he is really looking for a girlfriend though and seemed awfully interested in my relationship with Facebook guy (I had mentioned I had made a good friend) in a possessive kind of way that kinda bugged me. Really don’t think I’m ready to become anyone’s girlfriend even though I’d be open to the idea if I was really attracted to someone. Just hasn’t happened yet and I’m not sure if that is about the guys I’ve met or more about me. TBH...kinda enjoying my “freedom” to just do what I want with who I want and wouldn’t give that up for just anyone.
My H’s favourite cousin’s wife texted me today. She wanted to see how I’ve been doing. She commented on how impressed she and her H are with the level of integrity that I have. She said that she and her H are still trying to wrap their minds around what he has done and they have seen some posts on Facebook that make them shake their heads apparently. She says they always used to defend him whenever family members said something negative about him but maybe they were mistaken in doing that. I am sad for him. He loves his cousins and would be upset to know that their opinion of him has been damaged to the extent that it has. I’m sure they will always be friends with him but they won’t ever think of him the same way. I think he thinks that because we are legally separated that people will just think his new relationship is AOK and no one will care either way since he is “happy”. He is sadly mistaken. He has impressed no one. Like I told him a few months ago... “I hope she is worth it because you have given up a lot for her.” I don’t think he realizes just how much. Anyway...not for me to worry about anymore. He makes his own bed...he has to sleep in it.
Onwards and upwards... Facebook guy sent me some pictures this morning of him out at the beach. He totally makes me laugh. He was also sending me inspirational texts about making my life great and doing what makes me happy. I am grateful for his friendship. He always puts a smile on my face.
Hope all of you enjoy this Easter weekend!! I know that I will. Love and (((HUGS))). XO
Well...another first date under my belt...lol. We went to our local pool hall and I have to say, I haven’t played that well in a long time. Poor guy... he had his own cues and I could tell he has played in the past as he made some nice shots. However, he was no match for me. We played for two and a half hours and he won two games... one because I accidentally sank the eight ball. Afterward we went out to a local pub for a drink and some appies. He was really nice but, again, I was just not attracted to him. Sigh... maybe I’m just closed off in that way right now, IDK. I gave him a hug goodbye and he texted me about 15 minutes later to make sure I had gotten home okay (he lives across the street from the pub which is about a three minute drive from my place). He also thanked me for a great evening and told me that he thinks I am an awesome person and that he is sorry I was hurt the way I was. He went on to say that he didn’t think he was my type and that I should go out and have fun and meet the right guy. I thanked him for the evening and for his kind words. He then texted back that he thinks I am really hot and that he wanted to kiss me but could tell I was not feeling the same way. He wished me the best and said that if I ever wanted to go out again or just talk, he would like that. Yep...really nice guy. And he has good taste too...lol.
Wow. That is an incredible response from a first date. I have never had the experience of going out with someone who was self-aware enough to pick up on my own lack of interest despite their own interest. Normally people get blinded by their own attraction or desire, or at least hold out hope that it may be reciprocated despite some discouraging signs. And to have the courage to admit that and wish you luck - that is some quality right there. It has to make you feel good as well!
Maybe you are a little closed off right now. That would be perfectly normal if you are, but in my mind you have to keep testing the hypothesis. Maybe it is that, maybe you just haven't met the right guy yet. Have patience with yourself. It will come when it comes.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Had our Easter dinner yesterday... my kids, my sister, her husband, my STBXH’s mother and Facebook guy...lol. I invited him to come for dinner and was kind of surprised when he said yes because he was working that day and it is an hour drive. I told my kids before he arrived that he is just my friend and they were fine with it. If they were lacking a father figure in their lives, I probably would not have invited him but they aren’t so not worried about them getting attached. My D11 seemed to really like him as she gave him a big hug goodbye. He is a genuinely warm and friendly person so it didn’t surprise me much. He hugged my sister goodbye on Friday which is interesting as she does not recall ever hugging my STBXH in the fourteen years we were together. Anyway...still have no idea if he will ever be more than a friend to me but I am enjoying his company. I feel bad that he is always driving to my place so it will be nice once I get my new car battery and can drive to his town. Haven’t been there since we packed up my mom’s house so a visit is overdue. Her two besties still live there and I really should visit with them.
The other guy from my hometown is still texting me. I thought he would lose interest after we met because of our age difference but that doesn’t seem to be the case. He’s cute in a small-town kinda way but I think a bit directionless at the moment as he was laid off a month ago and is collecting EI and trying to figure out if he should move or not. I still think he is too young for me as we are at different life stages. I do like him though. I think he is kinda shy but I suspect that once I got to know him, he would be pretty fun to be around as he is quite smart and witty.
Back to work today but I have Friday off so it is a three-day week for me. :-)
Happy DBing everyone... love and (((HUGS))) to you all.
Not much to report on my dating adventures. I’ve started talking to a couple new people but no plans to meet yet. The dealership called me yesterday to offer the use of a vehicle while I am waiting for my new battery which could take as long as a couple months. Picked it up today. It is a new version of my vehicle only gas-powered. Sigh...was really enjoying not having to pay for gas.
Had a message from a guy that I have known since the 10th grade and who I lived with for a year after university graduation. Me, him, his older brother and two other guys we knew rented a house in Vancouver. It was sooo fun living with them. Anyway...I saw him on Tinder and swiped right (as a joke really) over a month ago and apparently he just saw my profile on Wednesday and just about spit out the food he had been eating. He said he didn’t swipe right because he was so shocked and also complimented my on my photo saying that I “radiated happiness”. Wow...that’s definitely a change from a few months ago...lol. We texted back and forth for awhile and he gave me his number and told me he would really like to see me next time he is in my area. There were a couple things he said that made me wonder if he thought I was serious about swiping right (i.e. wanting to go out with him). Not sure how I feel about that... he was like a brother to me and was one of the best friends of my high school boyfriend. Don’t think I could make a switch in my mind to him being a potential love interest. He is a good guy though. Anyway...not going to worry about it...lol.
Thinking of taking a drive to my hometown tonight as I haven’t been there in two years. I texted Facebook guy to see what he is up to and he thought he might have to go golfing with his roommate but would text me later to let me know for sure. I could also go and see “Jack” but I’m not sure that would be a good idea. I really do think he is too young for me but there is a bit of an attraction there so not sure I want to encourage it. Of course, not sure I want to discourage either...lol. Oh the dilemma...
Regardless...I want to figure out something to do as I really don’t feel like hanging out at home tonight as my kids are back tomorrow and I will also be puppy sitting for my sister.
Hope everyone has a great weekend!! (((HUGS))) to all!!!
I really do think he is too young for me but there is a bit of an attraction there so not sure I want to encourage it. Of course, not sure I want to discourage either...lol. Oh the dilemma...
DV, this isn't the first time you've mentioned "too young" for you. May I ask what your age-gap limit is?
I only ask because of this. My W and I had an age gap of about 11 - 12 years. It totally 100% worked for us (well...until it didn't. But our break-up has nothing to do with age). Would you consider exploring this within yourself?
I'm obviously not suggesting you actively pursue age-gap relationships - there can be some challenges for sure. But if the attraction is there, what are you REALLY afraid of? That you *think* you don't like younger men? Who knows. Every guy is different. I say give them each a fair shot at your affection.
I very seriously considered my age gap with W. I was about 22, and she was maybe 34 when we got together. In some ways we were at very different points in our lives. I was barely out of college! But the pull was so strong, and I felt so much like ME when I was with her. My very best version of me. So I promised myself that as long as I continued to wake up happy every day while with her I would just take it one day at a time. So that's what I did and it lead to incredible happiness. Sure, it didn't last. But I don't regret following my heart.
I say - date a younger guy if the attraction is there. Worry about tomorrow....tomorrow!
Yail...your advice could not have been more timely...lol. It’s not that I don’t like younger men. Honestly, the few times I’ve gone out with guys my age or a few years older, they’ve seemed too old to me. I don’t know why. Maybe because I look young for my age or maybe because I haven’t quite reconciled with the fact that I’ve hit my 50s and I’m in denial. I think with Jack it is a bit more than that too... he’s a musician (not a great track record for me with musicians), he seems a bit directionless as he was laid off from his job and seems kinda content just to collect EI and play his music. He seems more like Mr. Right Now, not Mr. Right. And it’s not that I’m looking for a forever love right now but given where I’m at in life, should I be spending a lot of time with someone who more than likely does not factor into my future long term. And if I think I already know this, should he be wasting his time on me? He’s at an age where he could still find someone to build a life with who can still have kids, etc...
So...an update... I got my courtesy car from the dealership yesterday and found myself at home alone after my ex picked up the kids. Felt like taking a drive so I texted Facebook Guy to see if he wanted to hang out. He texted back that it was his roommate’s birthday and that he had been bugging him to go golfing so he would probably be doing that but that he would let me know once he was home from work at around 5:00. So 6:00 rolls around and I still haven’t heard from him so I texted “Jack” to see what he was up to. He replied pretty quickly and said he was just playing his guitar and didn’t have any plans. Asked me if I did and I told him tentative plans but that I hadn’t heard back. He offered to be my Plan B so I said sure and that I would text him in a bit. And then Facebook Guy texted to say that he had driven his employee home and stayed for a couple of beer so still hadn’t been home yet. I told him I was going stir crazy so was going for a drive and if he wanted to hang out, to let me know but that if he didn’t feel like a visit, I had other people I could see anyway. So awhile later he texts me that he just got off the phone with his cousin who might be stopping by later and he didn’t want her to cause she talks his ear off about family stuff and it is annoying. He said not going golfing but hanging out with his roommate and watching the NFL draft. Still didn’t answer my question so I texted him back and asked if it was a hard question to answer and that it was fine if he didn’t want to visit. So he texted back “not tonight” so I said okay and told him to have a good night and texted Jack that my plans had fallen through so he was on. Then Facebook guy starts texting me to ask what I am doing and I tell him that I told him, I was meeting a friend. He then wanted to know where and when I said we hadn’t decided yet, he texts back... “You don’t know where you’re meeting your friend.” I tell him that I was waiting for a text and he texts back... “So you’re not meeting anyone then” and “I thought your daughter was sick at home.” By this time I’m irritated so I just texted, “she’s at her dad’s” and then “I meeting my friend Jack” (only I used his real name which is usually a girl’s name so he probably thought I was meeting a girlfriend). That was the last text until he texted me later at 10:00 to say good night and that he hoped I had a great visit. I didn’t respond. Still irritated...lol. Anyway... I have no idea what all that was about as I thought we had become friends and he has spent a lot of time with me at my house. But the first time I am in his area and he’s busy doing nothing? And before anyone says he’s married or in another R, I know 100% that he is not. His Facebook status is single, we have a number of mutual friends, I’ve met his daughter and I know who his last girlfriend was. But there is something... The only thing I can think of is that maybe he doesn’t want me to see his house? Maybe he is a slob or his roommate is or something? My house is really beautiful inside and out so it is intimidating to some people. He doesn’t seem like the type to care or that he would want to impress me since we are “buddies” so I don’t know.
So back to Jack... I ended up meeting him at the waterfront and we sat in my car and talked for awhile before heading over to the closest bar which was almost empty. Small towns...lol. We got a beer and started playing some pool before we were joined by a drunk guy who wanted to play. He was harmless. Told me that he had just turned 41 and his big brother had recently died of a stroke at 45. We played pool for a bit and he kept telling Jack that he was a “lucky man” and that if he were Jack, he would marry me ‘cause not only was I beautiful but I was a great pool player too...lol. Jack just sat there smiling and was a little bit flirty with me when I was near him. We laughed a lot and were there for a couple hours. Finally told him I had to get going because I was volunteering the next morning. So then there was the walk back to my car and I gave him a hug goodbye. He started to walk away but then stopped because I was standing at my car trying to find my key in my purse and I could not find it. So I put my purse on the hood of the car to take a couple things out and look and I just could not find it. So by this time he’s standing next to me and I’m flustered cause he asks me why I’m stalling which I wasn’t...lol. So he puts his arm around me and I’m still looking for my *^%*$#(&% key and now he is convinced I am stalling and I’m even more flustered and likely five shades of red at this point. So I tell him that me and him are a really bad idea and that I am supposed to be the cool older sister that he never had. But he’s standing really close and I’m not sounding super believable so next thing I know, I am kissing him and he tells me he thinks I’m really hot and not a sister at all. I tell him that I can’t kiss him and he laughs and points out the obvious that I kinda just did. And then I find my key!!! Uh...if I had had my car I would have just pushed a button and been in my car and avoided that whole thing but no, I have the car that can’t open unless I have the key in my hand. So I get in my car and drive all the way home thinking “what have I done?” He texted me later to make sure I got home safe which is really sweet. First guy I have kissed in 15 years other than my husband and it is the guy who is the same age and has the same name as his affair. Seriously.... what is up with that?? You can’t make this stuff up.
Anyway... shower time... have to make a couple hundred pancakes this morning for some homeless people. Glad my kids are back today and I can forget about “boys” for awhile. Lotsa love and (((HUGS))) to all of you!!!
Ah Yail... you so hit the nail right on the head with that comment. I feel like I am permanently stuck in that place...with Jack...with Facebook Guy...I think...maybe, maybe not. I know that there are people who look at dating like a sport and think nothing of going out with multiple people. I so wish I was that person but I’ve always been relationship girl. My whole life basically. Casual dating, casual sex, casual anything has just never been my thing. So I avoid ambiguous situations like this one. I guess my biggest worry with Jack is that I am just so far ahead of him in life (which makes sense, I suppose, given our age difference) that I don’t see it going anywhere and I don’t want to be his “direction” if that makes any sense. Yes... I know... overthinking... it’s a curse...lol. Gonna take my D11 out for a smoothie and to the craft store. Be mom for awhile... (((HUGS)))
