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"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Originally Posted by gzabetas
thanks to all the replies. all wise replies.

I dont disagree with their POV. But its not like we were coming home drunk beating them, hiding affairs etc.

We all simply neglected them in the heat of battle. Our common IC had told us to spend more time together, so we would watch films together and every morning we would go out for cofee and share life talks.
She saw me as her gay friend at some point, (and I am not using it in a sexist way, she used those words exactly to describe me herself in the end)
I dont think I was lacking in time spent with her. Honestly I took a good look at all the details of our past.

It was one year of my studying for my CCNA cert. Thats where I lost her. For crying out loud.



Spending more time together apparently doesnt work for everyone. We went on date nights weekly, spent everynight watching tv/movies. we went shopping together etc . worked out together at the gym you name it. So from what you hear and read most women would love that but apprently not my w or yours?

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bubbs16 apparently not it seems.
some women want more. the fantasy. the romance., i get it,.

Ready2change I value your opinion as AnotherStander's but they come from a place of arguing that where there's smoke there is a fire. (referring to the linked post) And there is some truth to that.

But let me reverse the situation for you,. Is there any circumstance where you would do to your wife, what she did to you,.
Lets say she crossed that hypothetical line of things that made you die inside similar to the WW story we read.
She neglected you, didnt give you sex, or cook or whatever your boundaries were.
Would you really drop her like a hot potato, ask her for alimony, consider her dead to you, no regards to her feelings, sleep around and on and on. From the writings of your members I do not see that quality of men here.

I know at the first instance of my wife crying I would have run to fix anything. She saw me crying like she saw paint drying.,

She was dropping hints I understand, but when it comes to spewing, or talking to her lawyer she is very verbose to get whats coming to her, WHy wasnt she verbose when things could have been repaired.

I will also add something Wayne Dyer said once. A person is judged by their output.
An orange will always produce orange juice. Its in the nature of the fruit., When pressed, it will produce orange juice.
A person with all animosity inside them is waiting to unleash all terror on their unsuspecting spouse.

Hence you see a selection of wives sticking by men who do them wrong beyond reason. Cheaters, beaters, drug takers, gamblers, controllers, anger issues....
And others who will leave cause "they didnt get their pony" so to say.

Not all people have the same depth and empathy.

I am getting ready to migrate again to find work to support the alimony and my sons future.
She is on a mission to find herself, and the love of other men.

I am looking at the big picture. She wants to smell the daisies now. I cant argue with that.


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Originally Posted by gzabetas
bubbs16 apparently not it seems.
some women want more. the fantasy. the romance., i get it,.

Ready2change I value your opinion as AnotherStander's but they come from a place of arguing that where there's smoke there is a fire. (referring to the linked post) And there is some truth to that.

But let me reverse the situation for you,. Is there any circumstance where you would do to your wife, what she did to you,.
Lets say she crossed that hypothetical line of things that made you die inside similar to the WW story we read.
She neglected you, didnt give you sex, or cook or whatever your boundaries were.
Would you really drop her like a hot potato, ask her for alimony, consider her dead to you, no regards to her feelings, sleep around and on and on. From the writings of your members I do not see that quality of men here.

I know at the first instance of my wife crying I would have run to fix anything. She saw me crying like she saw paint drying.,

She was dropping hints I understand, but when it comes to spewing, or talking to her lawyer she is very verbose to get whats coming to her, WHy wasnt she verbose when things could have been repaired.

I will also add something Wayne Dyer said once. A person is judged by their output.
An orange will always produce orange juice. Its in the nature of the fruit., When pressed, it will produce orange juice.
A person with all animosity inside them is waiting to unleash all terror on their unsuspecting spouse.

Hence you see a selection of wives sticking by men who do them wrong beyond reason. Cheaters, beaters, drug takers, gamblers, controllers, anger issues....
And others who will leave cause "they didnt get their pony" so to say.

Not all people have the same depth and empathy.

I am getting ready to migrate again to find work to support the alimony and my sons future.
She is on a mission to find herself, and the love of other men.

I am looking at the big picture. She wants to smell the daisies now. I cant argue with that.



well some men would probably do that yes. We cant be sexist . It def seems like there is something inside women though for sure. I was there for my wife when her mom passed away and it wrecked her world for years and years. came home crying daily and lock herself in the bedroom. I didn't turn my heart cold or bitter towards her and run away . I stood behind her and was there for her when she struggled. This lasted YEARS by the way . I wont say it didn't cause issues but i never left her thats for dang sure. I didn't give her the emapthy she needed though probably for us not ever being able to get pregnant. I will admit to that. I wasn't there for her. Then they just leave you like you were nothing to them.

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Originally Posted by gzabetas
But let me reverse the situation for you,. Is there any circumstance where you would do to your wife, what she did to you



You have to understand that relationship issues are 50/50. You have just as much responsibility in how you got here as she does. You were just blind to the issue, just like the rest of us.

The ladies here are dealing with your hypothetical. Their H's needs were not being met. They went to another person to get those needs met.


I don't have "real" numbers but this is my perception:

65% of the poster are left behind husbands with 99% of them having nice guy and beta behavior.
25% are left behind wifes
9% are wayward wives
1% are wayward husbands.


"Nice guys" would not do this to their W, ie all of the male poster here.



"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Originally Posted by gzabetas
But let me reverse the situation for you,. Is there any circumstance where you would do to your wife, what she did to you



You have to understand that relationship issues are 50/50. You have just as much responsibility in how you got here as she does. You were just blind to the issue, just like the rest of us.

The ladies here are dealing with your hypothetical. Their H's needs were not being met. They went to another person to get those needs met.


I don't have "real" numbers but this is my perception:

65% of the poster are left behind husbands with 99% of them having nice guy and beta behavior.
25% are left behind wifes
9% are wayward wives
1% are wayward husbands.


"Nice guys" would not do this to their W, ie all of the male poster here.



nobody should be doing this to their spouses.....

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Gzbetas, whilst what you say may be the fundamental truth , is that going to help you get your wife and son back to a safe and secure family unit with a man who has learned and changed and improved himself?


As per r2c and his stats , I agree . Stopping the NG attitude breeds attraction if done in the right way .

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thanks Tryhard, thats what I am aiming for.

bubbs16 totally agree.

Ready2Change, nice to see those numbers. If I had to place myself in there I would be in the high percentage with Nice guy syndrome and beta behaviour.

As to the old adage that relationship issues are 50/50 I am not so sure anymore.
Sure it takes 2 to make a relationship work, but it takes one to break it.

It is noble to analyze our behavior as contributing to the meltdown, but from my end I found very little.
I did let family and friends let go. I am guilty of that. The people that mattered to me I forsake for my wife, who was always the hurting bird, the traumatized person who needed me to be her satellite.

And you know what, those people that I did do wrong, when I am hurting now, they all came around to help.
Its funny how that works. Goes to show that strong character and empathy doesn't just go away.
My wife never had that stability.

I quote DnJs writing again describing a ticking time bomb that was my wife. Some past trauma. It was always there, I see it now.

I add 2 rules that are very important, mentioned in the DR book.

1. Happiness comes from inside.
2. Love is a choice.

The spouse has to pick 1 and 2 on their own.
Our contribution should be irrelevant.


B.D in December 2018
Physical Affairs discovered in April 2019
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Originally Posted by bubbs16
nobody should be doing this to their spouses.....
That is an opinion and a belief system. The reality is it is being done. There is temptation everywhere. It is an awareness that Alpha males have and they protect their relationship from it. They addresses it quickly.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Originally Posted by bubbs16
nobody should be doing this to their spouses.....
That is an opinion and a belief system. The reality is it is being done. There is temptation everywhere. It is an awareness that Alpha males have and they protect their relationship from it. They addresses it quickly.




I agree to an extent, if the Male is properly committed he will , otherwise there are plenty fish in the sea . R2C you are a wise man and you help is a service to many . I salute you my brother, keep up the good work.

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