Do not validate his feelings or whats happening with OW. Do not validate anything bad he says about you or any put downs he throws your way.
I am not validating anything regarding the EA. H doesn't talk about her with me, which is very wise!
I need to let the EA run it's course, but it stinks waiting it out. I just want to expose her, so that she will stop pursuing H. It almost feels like he is waiting for me to do something to make it stop because he can't do it himself and thus not directly hurting the OW. What an entanglement.
I need to let the EA run it's course, but it stinks waiting it out.
This isn't a waiting game. As long as you let him cake-eat he will continue to do so. If he and OW stop talking then rest assured there will be OW2 or 3 or 4 waiting in the wings.
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I just want to expose her, so that she will stop pursuing H.
Won't work. It almost always drives the WAS and OP closer together. It makes them feel like it's "them against the world", like they are a team. Your beef is with H, not OW. If he's sitting there with a big smile on his face texting OW you should make his life miserable. Tell him to go in the backyard if he wants to do that crap.
Everyone here is right and the advice given is tough love. I suppose fear is causing me to not follow through and set boundaries. I don't know why I'm frozen with such fear.
His behavior is not fair to me or the kids. We deserve better...not to say that it can't be H, but it needs to be a new and improved version of him.
😞
Can someone help me with what to say exactly, so I don't fumble with my words and mess it up?
How do you know this is an EA and not PA? So your H is getting up 2 to 3 hours early each morning just to chat with OW? .
At the beginning of the affair he did. Just in the past week or two he stopped waking up super early. He sleeps in and rarely checks his phone in the morning.
It is just an EA because the OW lives in another state.
I just re-read your thread (sorry I can't keep everyone’s story’s straight).
So you have had time to read the boundary thread and have several examples.
The best thing you can do is draft up what you want to say, post it here for review. We can help tweak it. Then you can practice it alone. Then say it when ready.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I just re-read your thread (sorry I can't keep everyone’s story’s straight).
That's okay, there is a lot of us here.
Here's what I want to say:
"When you continue to have contact with her, I feel disrespected. If you continue the relationship with her, then I'll have to consider my options."
I think the hardest part will be having to explain my options if he asks. I don't plan on leaving the house or the kids. The option would be asking him to leave.
I feel like my feelings don't matter to him. That he thinks that I can remain quiet and happy with the current situation. He honestly doesn't want to hurt her feelings and doesn't think too much about mine because I'll stick around. I want to tell him how he is robbing his family of joy and attention. Poor kids just see him on his phone all the time and get ignored often.
"When you continue to have contact with her, I feel disrespected. If you continue the relationship with her, then I'll have to consider my options."
I think the hardest part will be having to explain my options if he asks. I don't plan on leaving the house or the kids. The option would be asking him to leave.
"When you act like you are single while you are still married to me, I feel highly disrespected. If you want to disrespect me and our marriage, I believe it is best if you move out and do that from your own place. I do not want to live in an open marriage."
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
