I don't really have anything new. Thought I'd start a new thread. I don't get on here much. Too busy living life, but I do come back once in awhile when I need reinforcement. It's interesting being on this side now. I see so many newcomers making the same mistakes that I did. I feel like I did what I could after the first few weeks. It still didn't save my marriage. Quit frankly, the odds are against you by the time you get to BD--especially in non-wayward situations. However, I have saved myself. I'm doing really well. I'm still in limbo because we haven't sold the second house yet. That will clear up, and I'll have a great life with my daughters. GAL, 180, detach. Detaching meant not only no expectations but also no hope for me. It allowed me to move forward. I still haven't been out on a physical date, but I have a few lined up for after my eventual move.
Last edited by job; 03/25/1910:02 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread
I'm glad to read that you're doing well. I always thought you got an especially tough situation. I hope that second house sells quick. I know you'll find some good women out there, just remember to keep a PMA. Anyways, hang out more, help out the youngins like me some.
Peace!
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I'm glad to read that you're doing well. I always thought you got an especially tough situation. I hope that second house sells quick. I know you'll find some good women out there, just remember to keep a PMA. Anyways, hang out more, help out the youngins like me some.
Peace!
I've thought about chiming in. Maybe when I get more time, I will--not that my sitch worked out the way I wanted it. I still like coming here as a reminder of what I should be doing. It also shows me that I'm not alone. Other times, it takes me to a place emotionally that I don't want to go. I want to keep moving forward. I sympathize with those going through it. It's tough. Everybody will make it, but they need to make sure they come through a better person, a better parent, a better mate.
I know what you mean. Sometimes reading through the threads brings back memories of who I was back then and I feel the tears well up. But quite often the memories feel like someone else's, memories of things that happened to someone else. I have never been a crier, but now I cry watching TV commercials, reading a poem or simply walking through a park that we used to take the children too. I would make a very actor - I can cry at the drop of a hat.
I like to think that feeling others pain means I am more compassionate. I am becoming a better person.
But sometimes it is too much .
But it is good to hear from you and even better to hear that you are doing well. How are your girls?
If you want to read about dating adventures - read DV's threads. DV has dropped the rope and is now a woman renewed. Still the DV we have come to know, always kind and caring of others, but now, no longer held down by the weight of doubt.
The girls are adjusting well. I'm actually surprised at how easy it seems to be for them thus far.
I've read DV's threads. It's interesting. I'm not sure how excited I am to get back into the dating scene. I realize that new relationships bring their own problems. At this point I'm not sure how much it's worth. I'm concentrating on being Super Dad, my work, my relationships with family and friends. I don't need a relationship to be happy.
You sound like you're doing brilliantly Harvey. I'm glad your girls are adjusting. I know how worried you were. I see my two sometimes and I think it would be easier if their father and I didn't see each other so often. The kids watch for signs - happiness, anger, etc - when they see us together.
Though I am not religious, I have faith it will get better because ultimately my H and I are good parents.
Got plans for any more holidays - hows that bucket list going?
You sound like you're doing brilliantly Harvey. I'm glad your girls are adjusting. I know how worried you were. I see my two sometimes and I think it would be easier if their father and I didn't see each other so often. The kids watch for signs - happiness, anger, etc - when they see us together.
Though I am not religious, I have faith it will get better because ultimately my H and I are good parents.
Got plans for any more holidays - hows that bucket list going?
I know we will co-parent well. Interacting with my XW doesn't even bother me that much anymore. I've been in constant contact with her for the last few days, but it's like water off a duck's back. I think I'm in a good spot. To be honest the more I talk to her, the more I see her flaws. I still think she's a good person, and I would rather still be married, but I'm in a far different place than I was six months ago. I'll be alright. My girls will be alright. There will be some pluses. I no longer have to parent with a perfectionist looking over my shoulder. I'll be in control of my own money and my own happiness.
My situation was weird. I had little chance to save my marriage--yet it allowed me to detach much faster.
I'm living in limbo, but I'm still GAL'ing. I'll be taking the girls to Florida for Spring Break. After I get back, I'll be going to Vegas with a buddy. I also have plans to travel to Germany this summer.
It's been awhile. I'm pretty much in the same spot. The girls and I had a fantastic time in Pensacola Beach. I had to cancel the Vegas trip due to the death of a family friend. Work has been ultra stressful--with a lot of change going on. I'm splitting my time between being with the girls and living with my cousin and her husband. They are great people and I enjoy them, but life is a lot less structured. It's hard to get used to it.
The first house closed on 4/5. We may have a contingent offer on the second house. Getting that sold would be a big stress relief.
On the OLD front, things are going pretty well. I met up with one of the girls the weekend of the funeral--which happened to be in the same town as I'm moving to this summer. She's really into me. Her husband just up and left her and their teenage daughter and moved across country. He doesn't see the daughter at all. She would be of the rebound type. There's a lot going on there.
I'm really interested in going on a date with the girl that I've been talking to for awhile. She seems like my type and she seems to have her stuff together. Her ex-husband was a real piece of work also. He only sees their two boys a couple of days/week and not overnight, and I don't think it's because she or the justice system screwed him over. She would actually like for him to hang out with their boys more.
I don't know much about the third girl. We haven't really gotten very deep in our conversations--which has all been via messaging on the OLD site. I know that's a big no no around here.
The more I talk to these women about their ex-husbands, the better I feel about myself.
As far as XW, we are very cordial with each other. As much as I've moved on, it would probably be hard for me to ever rule out reconciliation (if that was even in the cards). I'm pretty well detached from her, but I still think about it at times. That's probably the toughest thing to balance at this point. I've actually turned it into a game. I try to be attractive to her, and sort of think of her as a fourth woman that I'm trying to court--in case she finds out the grass isn't greener and I haven't completely moved on.
I had a great time with the girls. D13 took third all around at regionals. I'm proud of how hard she works. D9 and I enjoyed watching the NFL Draft. The interactions with XW were a little awkward at times. I had to stand up for myself when XW implied that I had to run plans with my daughters by her. We came to an understanding, I think. Saw X-MIL for the first time since this went down. Interactions with her were surprisingly normal. We stayed in separate hotels and alternated having our daughters. The girls enjoyed their time with me, and I had the much better hotel.
I will go a few weeks now without seeing the girls. They finish school down south and then will be settling in their new home up north. It's going to be tough. After that, I will take them to my Mom's house for 10 days. We've had some interest in the second house, but no concrete offers yet. Praying that gets taken care of, so that I can buy a new house where we are settling down.
Not much GAL. I was with the girls. Now, I'm sitting in a hotel room by myself because I'm working at HQ for the week. Still trying to 180, but even that is hard right now. I feel like a nomad. Detachment is finally going well.
On the dating scene I'm getting a lot of action. The rebound girl I met a few weeks ago is really into me. I was worried about her sitch before, but some of my concerns have been alleviated. I like her. I also have several dates lined up for when I finally move to my new destination, but I'll probably see how it goes with the first girl before moving on.
That's it. XW shows no inclination that she would ever be interested in reconciliation--and it doesn't bother me anymore. How it went down does, but it is what it is. I'm out of the fog of blaming myself. There appears to be a lot of dudes worse than me out there.
