She was losing it when she was calling and coming over. You need to be careful. When our situations get like this, you need to just breathe. She's throwing everything under the sun at you and she is all over the place. You be calm, you try your best to think when emotions are running high.
What did your MIL say that was so important as to warrant a response? I doubt there's much to say to her, but I could be wrong.
Unfortunately for your W's mental state, there's not much you can do to help her right now.
And the other stuff about deleting phone numbers and social media is more talking than doing on her part. Let it go.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
She was losing it when she was calling and coming over. You need to be careful. When our situations get like this, you need to just breathe. She's throwing everything under the sun at you and she is all over the place. You be calm, you try your best to think when emotions are running high.
What did your MIL say that was so important as to warrant a response? I doubt there's much to say to her, but I could be wrong.
Unfortunately for your W's mental state, there's not much you can do to help her right now.
And the other stuff about deleting phone numbers and social media is more talking than doing on her part. Let it go.
I agree with all of this. I think I'm a fairly calm person, so I can usually be pretty level headed in these situations, fortunately. I rarely say anything that I regret later.
My MIL is prone to having distorted thoughts like my wife. So she just buys into everything my wife says. That said, I love her and I want to show her respect (even when she's being less than respectful to me), so I try not ignore her when she sends me these angry texts. But you're right, there's not much that I can say that will have any positive effect on her. I actually never responded to her texts from last night. It saddens me that she's also bought into my wife's narrative. She used to call me the "best son-in-law in the world" and often praised me for how I took care of her daughter. No more.
The thing that bums me out the most is that she could be in a position to encourage my wife to get more help for her bipolar disorder, but instead she doesn't seem to recognize the effect that the mental illness is having, and instead she may be reinforcing and encouraging my wife's distorted thoughts.
Your MIL is sending angry texts? How mature... Don't play that game. Your MIL doesn't know how to handle any of this, and she is probably in a rough emotional state too. So maybe just let go of that which you cannot control?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Hey, I thought I'd revisit this thread, in case anyone was curious how it's all ending up. I had told my wife that I would file the divorce paperwork, but I had a really heavy heart and was dragging my heels about it. After consulting with my therapist, I decided to write her an e-mail and ask her one last time if she'd be willing to reconsider and go to marriage counseling with me. I told her I missed her and that I thought there was a possibility for us to work through things to a place where we could be happy. After a few days she responded and said that after some consideration she still wanted to go through with the divorce, and she asked me to let her know when I had filed the paperwork. So last Monday I went to the courthouse and filed for divorce. I still have to serve the paperwork to her, which I will probably do today (so she can sign some things and return it to the court).
I am sad about how things have turned out, but I do feel a sense of relief. I would have been willing to work on things if she had agreed to do so, but I have a feeling it would have been a very difficult experience, not just for me but also for my son, and I wouldn't have been very optimistic about the outcome, given her current mental state.
Thanks to everyone on this board who offered advice and empathy. I appreciate it.
