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SoTorn Offline OP
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WW back to full NPD mistreat mode unfortunately. At first was going to give me my $$ after taxes filed so I could move out but hasnt. Its ok because my financial planning is about to bear fruit this next week. All debt being paid and more than enough to find a new home for myself.

My GAL activities are in full swing. I am hitting the gym hard and its paying off wonderfully. Im working on leaning out. S11 is now S12. He had a good birthday. STBXWW headed to her biweekly meeting with OM. I just cant wait to move out and for D to be final.


M:16
T:21
H(me) 38
WW: 38
S11 D16 D19
Red Flags of A: March 2018
ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018
Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018
BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018
D Filed: March 27, 2019
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Sounds great ST, glad to hear you've got your finances under control and GAL is going well! Keep it up!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Yes, glad to read that.

Keep strong there man, Keep DB!


WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
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Good to hear ST.

Happy belated to S12. My S11 is finishing up 5th grade this year. Gotta decide if I want to get him a phone for middle school...

Keep DB for sure man, and keep posting!


H 49 , W 47
T 23, M 17
S11, S5
BD: 7/18
IHS: 7/18 - 3/19
Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19
Piecing: 4/19 - Current

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Thanks everyone. I went and saw my mental health doc today. Ever since BD I have been having difficulties sleeping. Unfortunately it brought up a lot of abandonment issues and other issues from childhood.

I got a script to help me out. Sleep was really the only area I have been struggling. Very very anxious to get the funds I am expecting this week so I can get out.

It feels like WW is trying to cause it to be hard for me to move out. She tries to control me still. Still demands things and cant for the life of her be nice and ask.

She hasnt changed one bit for the better. She has fully embraced the "I think you should be doing something but I wont ask you to do it, so you better read my mind or I will get mad when you dont do it " mentality.

I just brush it off now. I cant count how many times I have asked her to leave me alone. I try and validate when I can, but I refuse to validate when shes just putting me down. I dont argue back or try and change her mind, I simply ask that she leave me alone.

She simply cant do it. So the only way I can get it to stop, at least mostly stop in person, is to move.

We went to dinner together for the firtmst time in a while for S12s bday. I had a blast with the kids. I was very happy chit chatting with all of them. My kids had a long up beat conversation at the table about how well I will do once I kove out and that they are happy to see me so happy.


I thought I was going to burst into flames from how WW was evil eyeing me lol. She just looked sad at dinner. She always looks sad now.

S12 says when she is at home with him and its just them, she ignores him and talks to OM on the phone the entire time. That bothers me a lot. When I am home with the kids my full attention is on them.


M:16
T:21
H(me) 38
WW: 38
S11 D16 D19
Red Flags of A: March 2018
ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018
Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018
BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018
D Filed: March 27, 2019
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You both are feeding different monkeys there ST. You are feeding the healthy ones.

Keep detaching, keep DB


WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
Piecing since 03/2016
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Had a nice Easter weekend. My new female friend came down and spent the weekend with me. I really really enjoy my time with her. She is extremely nice, extremly honest, very transparent, non-judgemental and non-critical, expects nothing from me beyond being nice and honest and asks me for nothing but my companionship. D16 asked to meet her. Very odd request, but I oblidged and we went to dinner with S12, D16, myself and my new female friend. Everyone got along very well and we had a great dinner.

WW still acting hot and cold and hot and cold. She is spinning in circles still. She goes from being cordial to me, ignoring me, being hateful to me and putting me down and everything in between all within a few days. I am cool, calm and collected. I know my path and I am walking it. Still looking for a home to rent for now. D is pending in the court still.

I am cordial, I validate when I can. Again I will not validate when she is putting me down. I just ask her to stop and leave me alone. Wash, rinse repeat.

Went to my dads house for Easter Sunday. D16 was supposed to drive her and S12 there, but I think that WW thought that my new friend would be with me. My new friend has met my dad already, but she didn't want to go to the Easter event because she felt that WW may show up. I also felt that WW may show up. WW is not welcome by my parents. They are not mean, but they are not happy with her.

As we suspected WW didn't let D16 drive to my dads. WW decided to drop them off and showed up at the exact same time as I did. I feel she was expecting to see my new friend with me.

WW showed up and my brothers were outside hiding eggs. Again, everyone is cordial to her. I asked everyone to just be nice, even if they are upset with her, as there is no point of being mean.

WW hugged my brothers, which was odd for them. I went inside and when I came back outside WW was standing off in the yard crying. D16 asked me to say hi to her. I had already greeted her, but I said "Hi WW, Happy Easter". WW was lost and extremly upset. She was walking back to her car and I asked if she was going to go say hi to everyone. She couldnt decide what to do and was just standing by her car looking lost.

I went inside and told my dad that she was outside and asked if he wanted to say hi. He did not, but he remembered that I had asked that everyone be nice. So he went outside and shortly after everyone else did to hunt eggs. WW saw my dad and hugged him and again broke down and started crying. She hung around for a bit and ended up going to the bathroom for a while and crying.

She finally left. I ended up taking the kids home before going back to the airbnb that I was at. When I went home WW had locked herself in her room and when D16 knocked on her door she said she was sleeping.

WW asked if I would approve passports for D16 and S12 because she wants to take them to Mexico. I am not ok with this because Mexico is on a dangerous travel warning right now. That and my WW is not known for emergency planning or any sort of situational awareness. I told her I would think about it. WW went and told all of the kids that I am just being difficult because I don't want her taking them anywhere.

This is not true. I told her I am sorry if she feels this way and that I am entitled to my opinion on where my kids go and that I will think about it and that it has nothing to do with her and that I would be fine with her taking them anywhere thats not dangerous and not on a government advisory.

WW keeps up with the insulting texts, talking down to me etc. I just validate when I can and ignore when she is insulting. WW made a snide comment about me not moving out yet. I have the money and I am looking, but I was waiting for her to pay me the settlement which she promised. But she changed her mind as to when she wants to pay me. The only reason I can see that she changed her mind is because she is delaying me moving out. There is no other reason.

She doesnt know that I already have enough funds to move out, but she will soon as I am looking at several homes this weekend.

I personally feel great. I still look great, GAL in full effect, relationship with the kids is excellent. Finances are in order. Just need to find a house and rent it and move. I am still debating on whether to sell my car or not. I love my car, but it is not a cheap car. That and its just a car. I can always get another in the future.


M:16
T:21
H(me) 38
WW: 38
S11 D16 D19
Red Flags of A: March 2018
ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018
Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018
BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018
D Filed: March 27, 2019
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SoTorn, I am SoConfused. New woman? Meeting your family? Then you complain about WW being hot and cold toward you?

Where is this at? Are you moving on and dating. Or are you DBing and trying to save your MR? You cannot do both.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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SoTorn Offline OP
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Nothing to be confused about. I am done. I am following the portion of DB where I take care of myself. I have no desire or expectation that I will R with WW. She will be my XWW and I am fine with that. D is pending in the courts and that is what I want and that is what she has wanted all along, she just did it in a very hurtful way.

I say she is hot and cold because I really just want to get along with her as a co-parent. I am not trying to fight with her or argue or anything. But it doesnt matter what I do, she just fluctuates all over the place with her emotions. I am not complaining. I am just making a statement about how she is acting. It doesnt bother me. I just hope that she stops spinning in circles and gets ahold of her emotions so that we can be the best parents for our kids regardless of the situation.

WW is still deep in her relationship with OM. She is with him every other week for a week at a time. I am fine with that. I will be moving out very soon and I am hoping that will help STBXWW focus more on the kids and co-parenting with me.

EDIT: I guess I am still DBing to the point where I am trying to salvage some sort of cordial relationship with my XWW. I don't want to have a contentious relationship with her. I want to get a long and maybe in the future when everything calms down we can get along and be friends.

Last edited by SoTorn; 04/23/19 09:31 PM.

M:16
T:21
H(me) 38
WW: 38
S11 D16 D19
Red Flags of A: March 2018
ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018
Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018
BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018
D Filed: March 27, 2019
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 494
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I'm glad you are happy and ready to move on. I hope your XW will be able to get a hold of herself and be a good co-parent.

It sounds like this is 100% what you want and bravo! I always wonder if that would have been best for me as well.


H-50
W-48
T-19
M -18
S23, S14
BD - 5/9/2018
OM discovered 5/10/2018

In house sep - 8/18/2018
Rope drop 2/15/2019
R'ing since 3/15/2019
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