Loved reading your update, B! Glad you guys are hitting it off.
I know you shouldn't find happiness and self-value in someone else, but I truly believe my own Ms. Bumble has helped me focus on something positive (communicating with her) instead of constantly dwelling on the past and my failed M with ExW. It's like a breath of fresh air!
M: 34 W:34 D:7 D:6 S:3
M: 9.5 years T: 12
OM found & BD (by me): 9/19/18 IHS begins W informs me she's moving out: 11/28/18 W files: 12/21/18 D Final: 2/25/19
Thank you Wanted! She and I definitely have a connection and are very happy to be dating!
For an LBS post-BD the real question is not how to get my WW back, but rather how much of what has happened was me and how much of what happened was my WW? No one in a relationship is perfect and so for sure there are things that the LBS if they are smart can reflect on regarding how they contributed to what happened and both by themselves and with IC can work to address those issues and make themselves a better partner/spouse in the future. But I'll wager to bet in most cases the WW is WAY more responsible for the demise of the marriage and the LBS was likely albeit with always room for improvement a basically emotionally healthy and mature person. What I'm getting at is most LBS I would wager be ready for a new partner MUCH MUCH sooner than a WW ever could be once they recover from the pain of the lose, hit to their esteem, etc. More about them than us. That an LBS could go into OLD and find someone they are compatible with quickly is not really a surprise to me. Life moves on and I guess it's human nature to cling to what we had, but it is true as so many vets have said on here before our futures hold good things in store if only we'll let the past behind and take the jump forward.
Thank you Wanted! She and I definitely have a connection and are very happy to be dating!
B, I am happy you found someone immediately that you have a connection with and you had a great first date. Please, please make sure you take it slow and don't forget about the things you have learned.
LH...thank you for the particular way that your commentary has helped me and many others on this forum. You, AS, Steve, Ginger, Sandi, Neffer, etc each vet on here has their own way of helping newbies get through this process and you like the others are a HUGE benefit to all of us.
I will definitely do so with her. As I say she and I are both happy to be in IC for ourselves and we think it will be a positive for us moving forward as we date and learn more about it each other. In truth had I not learned as much as I have on here in the year or so I've been here there's no way I would have been ready for the lady that I've since been lucky to meet. We both approach relationships in a very enlightened way from our experiences and IC and that in itself gives me encouragement for the future.
Hi B. Was perusing my thread and realized I hadn't responded to your post. Great to hear you are doing so well and have found someone you are interested in getting to know better. I have date #4 with the guy I've been seeing. It has been going "junior high school" kind of slow...lol. I'm okay with it for now. I'm teaching him how to make my favourite Thai dish so we'll see how things go. Regardless...I have a date next week with a guy I've recently met online who seems a lot like me from a personality and interest standpoint. If there is a physical attraction, it could work out really well. Time will tell I guess...
Best of luck. I feel like you and I are at similar points in our sitchs and have discovered there is life after our exes and it may even be a much better life.
Been thinking that this is the longest amount of time since I've posted an update on my sitch so here goes. With STBxWW I am just waiting to hear from my atty on the two court appearances that will be necessary before our D is finalized. I'm a few weeks into waiting so hopefully that will come sooner rather than later. I suspect for many of you reading that last sentence might be terribly hard to grasp relative to your sitch, but that is where I am in mine. I can't wait for it to get done as soon as possible. Besides the fact that I'm already creating a wonderful new future life for myself, there simply hasn't been anything left of my past MR for a very very long time now. I did actually see my WW over Easter during an exchange of D4, but even more than a year later, no one word could she say to me or even look at me. I only wonder with regards to her if/when she will ever be able to speak to me again and how this bodes for our parenting of D4 in the future. It is beyond indescribable why she is that way, what possibly she could have done or I that would make it completely impossible for her to speak with me even in a cordial, quick conversation, but that is the case still to this day. Anyway I've said it before and I'll say it again for many of you, you will reach a point where you realize that saving yourself is more important than saving your marriage, and when you do your healing will really begin.
My new lady friend and I will soon have been dating for one whole month! LOL With our custody schedules we've got a natural non-rushed pace to our relationship. We see each other once maybe twice a week, but then have regular conversations on the phone and text. She continues in IC and so do I and we both feel very happy to be going to proactively improve a just beginning relationship as opposed to trying to save an MR that was already long since hopeless. We hope over the next month or so to invited each other to our respective counselors as both of our ICs while very happy for us are definitely intrigued to meet the special person that each of us have found. The idea of each of us meeting the others parents has come up and perhaps again over the next month or two that will happen. Kids meeting we both agree will be quite some time off until our relationship is well established and we've fully discussed it. For now we're enjoying our time together and anxious to find some time over the coming summer to get away and spend time together doing things that we like. It's funny, when you have invested the time in understanding what truly matters in relationships and a partner, the ways that you pick up on things that might seem of little consequence but truly define how a person feels about you. Recently I was getting ready for us to go out and she was there and rather mundanely just said to me "do you need me to iron a shirt for you?". I never got that from my WW, EVER. To her it was a small inconsequential ask, to me it highlighted a huge difference between her and my past. And while we are both familiar with the 5 love languages, we don't say here's my "words of affirmation" for you, but we both are doing a great job of giving and receiving what each of us believes we need from the other naturally. I guess it's one thing to read and comprehend it, but quite more effective to be able to implement it in your relationship as if it was just a natural part of who we each are. The dynamics of her and I are simply much better in the ways that really matter I believe than I've ever had with another partner and we both feel it and want to do all we can to nuture it going forward. Again I'll say to those of you hurting or for those in a hopeless sitch who still cling to the past you had because the future is too uncertain to accept...there are wonderfully amazing things ahead of you if you can just find within you the courage, time and patience to let go and move on.
I need to do a much better job of being on here more and encouraging and supporting the rest of you. Having found a new someone it's easy to get complacent and lazy and that's not how I ever want to be again. By giving back on here it can keep me sharp in my skills with my new relationship while hopefully at the least providing comfort to others on here hurting. Many of us may have got on here partially through taking things for granted and I've learned I won't let myself become that way again. I wish you all the best and hope in some small way either by reading my sitch and/or by my comments in your sitch that I can make a positive impact for some of you during an admittedly very tough time in life.
That is a wonderful update to read. Despite having to deal with the divorce process (not easy under any circumstances) you have your priorities straight and your attention focused on the future. Congratulations on the the positive place you are in with your new lady friend. Keep doing the work there.
I also relate to you in terms of getting on here and supporting others in their sitches. It is easy to get complacent in good moments, and not want to be reminded of things during bad moments. However, this site has been so helpful to me and I feel the need to pay it forward as well.
Best of luck!
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Awesome B, glad to hear things are going well! I might caution taking things a little slower with the new lady, dating for a month and then meeting each other's counselors and parents seems a bit rushed. There's no hurry! Try and get past that limerence phase before you go too crazy. Good luck!
