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All of the above!

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I guess probably more of a choice than anything I assume.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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AndrewP Offline OP
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Originally Posted by TBSakaJ9
I guess probably more of a choice than anything I assume.
Absolutely. That giddy head over heels feeling is fine for teenagers or people having affairs. For me, it's knowing that this person "fits" in to my life and adds to the richness of it.

Well - another milestone passed. Much to my surprise B - despite not being somewhat unpacked from her trip wanted to spend time together yesterday. Over an early dinner she suggested that I ask her to stay over - which I did.

While we were sitting very close to each other in the kitchen going over pictures from her trip, S24 rushed by on his way to his poker game. Introductions were made - everything's cool. We didn't bother pretending that there had been no PDA going on. S24 didn't seem to care.

S24 being out for a while gave us some extra well appreciated privacy in the house. B has now moved in her soap to the bathroom and coffee maker to the kitchen. We did talk in general terms about her spending progressively more time here. We stopped out to visit her mother this morning - who is a charming 91 year old and B is going to do some tidying at home and then out to see one of her sons for Easter dinner. I'm just going to start roasting my duck shortly for S24 and I. B would have been welcome here but personally I'm very glad that she is spending the evening with her kids. I do worry sometimes that she does prioritize time with me.

S24 did ask just now if he had been rude by just zooming past and I assured him that from my point of view that the interaction was perfect. No pressure, no fuss - just "normal".

Well - I have some laundry to do - I believe that I need to invest in more linens. I did re-install the shelves in the bathtub to accommodate more people.


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Progressively spending more time and moving her stuff in? Uh huh. She ain’t getting no apartment of her own.

Your duck looked delicious ! Happy Easter!

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The duck did turn out rather nice. S24 was rather complimentary too which was nice. Late night as is usual when I make a big meal although I did try to keep up with the dishes as I went along. Many leftovers to be dealt with over the next week.

Funny thing to relate. When I went in to the flower shop on Saturday FSL asked "where's the old lady?" which made me giggle. She then backpedaled and said that she probably shouldn't call her that and asked for her name. We did chat a bit and I was surprised to find out that FSL is 38. I'd had her as a lot younger. If I'd known this 6 months ago my life would perhaps have taken a different turn even though that is still a nearly 20 year difference.

I was saddened to hear that my next door neighbour's daughter's boyfriend died a day or so ago from a fentanyl overdose. As a random coincidence my neigbour's daughter is also a friend of B's oldest son which alarmed her.

B also mentioned that her STBX is fairly upset at the fact that she's dating me which I think is going to make navigating her settlement more complex. She mentioned that her sister that she vacationed with was really pushing her to get things over and done with.

B texted me that she wasn't feeling well this morning. Fortunately I'm not ill so it's not something that she was carrying on Sunday when we visited her 91 year old mother. I'll check in with her at lunch to see how she's doing. She's alone in her apartment right now I believe. I'm working relatively close today.


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“Where’s the old lady?”

Wow, how b!!tchy!

Last edited by job; 04/22/19 05:32 PM. Reason: edited a word
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Originally Posted by Westo
“Where’s the old lady?”

Wow, how b!!tchy!
It's common slang for girlfriend / wife.

Last edited by job; 04/22/19 05:33 PM. Reason: edited a word

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Oh I see.... we would say “the other half”

Here the term ‘old lady/old man’ is used for your parents. So if I’d have been referred to as that, I’d have probably decked her! Lol

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Wednesday - not too much to report. Amy is cuddling and petting my left hand while I type.

My credit card company sent me a notice that they want to increase my limit. While I don't particularly need it, I'm going to accept. My understanding is that credit worthiness is based on total available credit so increasing my limit here decreases my capacity to borrow in other ways. With S24's student loan closed at long last, that's 20K dropped off. It gives me a bit of a buffer. In a place where I know that it would be stupid to go. Like probably quite a few of us, losing that "backstop" of a partner with an income, even modest, creates more awareness of risk.

Even though I worry about my job security as my immediate boss and I have conflicts and he's made it clear that he has (and has never had) a career path in mind for me as the company transitions during the reorganization. I did have a bit of a laugh though because I'd sent him a note that the president of our acid division had asked me to be at that plant while he was on vacation and some other business stuff related to the reorg was going on. Like a good little plebe, I made sure to pass this on and got a terse response questioning the need. What I didn't know is that he had sent a similar message to that president as well. He really doesn't know how to make friends. When I mentioned to the president that I had been questioned and sent back the reasons for the schedule change, he said that he had gotten a similar "hairy eyeball" and was debating how to respond.

Even though the future is fairly nebulous at my current job I do think that given the good relations I have with almost everyone at all levels including the most senior, and am well respected for my skills I probably don't have anything to worry about. But - no backstop - no guarantees. 3 1/2 years ago I was side-swiped with the unexpected from what I thought was my loving devoted wife. Makes a guy skittish.

--

I'm planning on getting together with B after work. She's come down with something so the smooching will be very limited or eliminated. Both her sister and I suspect the mold in her apartment which is getting a thorough cleaning. I think she let herself get over-tired on vacation, then spent a late night with me and went back to her apartment which had not been ventilated while she was gone. It has known mold issues. It would be easy for me to say - "well just stay here" - but neither of us are ready for that although it has been more seriously discussed and unless something comes up will probably happen by the end of June - when her current obligations to where she is living end.

I've struggled a little about an odd thing for the last week or so. I've spent over 2 years being friendly and flirty with all sorts of women. I've been working on scaling back the "flirty". It came home to me last night when an old acquaintance who happens to be a bit of a celebrity and who I follow on social media let me know her personal social media profile. 6 months ago, I would have been pleased about the chance to explore a new friendship but now - .... I dunno. Mind you, there are all sorts of really really good reasons to not get mixed up with someone famous - and it's a stretch of the imagination that anything other than connecting with an old friend was intended. But it made me more seriously think about how I think and act around the opposite sex. I'm certainly not about to back away from any friendships, existing or new, just being more mindful that there is a new self-imposed boundary that I need to keep an eye on.

Well - I suppose it's time to focus on work. I made a far too large batch of potato pancakes this morning from the left-over mashed potatoes (stir in a couple of eggs, hot sauce, spices) and will need to go for a walk at lunch. B chastized me as we are both trying to be good on our respective diets and I sent her back a laughing "Unsupervised!" comment. I'm not sure how much longer that will last for. For the present most people in our wider circle have no clue that either of us are getting attached to the other. Just those closer to us and of course the random and semi-anonymous people here. I respect the fact that B does want to keep things quiet for now. Her official reasons - doesn't want to disturb the grandkids - is a bit bogus, but it could cause her some issues with her settlement and sorting out the ongoing financial connections she has with her STBX for whom she still does a lot of adulting. The people that matter - immediate family, good friends are well on board on both sides. I'm comfortable that I'm not playing the role of OM - mostly.


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Good Morning Andrew

“Where the old lady?”

Westo’s comment - I choked on my coffee. OMG. Lol. Almost came out my nose.

It very common slang - here. It is most definitely referencing “the other half”.

Originally Posted by AndrewP
While we were sitting very close to each other in the kitchen going over pictures from her trip, S24 rushed by on his way to his poker game. Introductions were made - everything's cool. We didn't bother pretending that there had been no PDA going on. S24 didn't seem to care.

Originally Posted by AndrewP
S24 did ask just now if he had been rude by just zooming past and I assured him that from my point of view that the interaction was perfect. No pressure, no fuss - just "normal".

Sounding great!

From my own children and life: If you are ok, your children will be ok. S24 “sees” you are alright. You have been and are his role model, and you are demonstrating very good values. He is watching, growing, has respect, and is proud of you. Even if he doesn’t show it - take it on faith from me.

Originally Posted by AndrewP
I do worry sometimes that she does prioritize time with me.

IMHO, a person’s priorities should be: God, Themselves, Partner, Children, Family, Friends, etc...

Partner, Children, Family, and Friends do get mixed around. Even we get our place within our priorities mixed up. However, overall I believe that is a proper and long term sustainable structure for relationships, love, and life.

IF B is looking towards a future. Ahh, scratch that. No point pussyfooting around here.

You and B are looking towards a future together. I know you didn’t enter into this wily-nilly, ok a bit of projection from my life; however I believe we have similar values. So, her placing you before her children (at the moment once in a while which will get more) is great. I would like to say “ it is normal”, but sadly the norm is different. Partners a lot of times are place further down the list than they should be. I think we can all relate to that.

And for what it’s worth:

Love is a belief!

Beliefs influence everything within one’s life. They affects emotions, reason, and faith - feelings, thoughts, and soul. Just like love does.

You are doing very well my friend.

Believe it.

I do.

DnJ


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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