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M: 36
W: 30
T: 9
M: 7

S6 (OS)
S7mo (YS)

ILYBINILWY BD: Feb. ‘18

W Wants S / D BD: 1/4/19

H / W still in-house

D papers from W: 3/14/19
Joined: Nov 2018
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Hi everyone,

It’s been a while—been super-busy: grading, taking care of the boys, trying to GAL (swimming most of my weekdays, softball is a go later this month, and I will hopefully be a chaperone on our school’s Italy trip in April 2020). We’ve also been sick, and I’ve had to do legal paperwork—declaration of assets / debts, as well as income paperwork, so that consumed most of my weekend / latter part of last week. These are just the highlights—I could expand more in-depth later, but not now (taking a break from writing a student letter of recommendation).

Next week (Thursday), W and I have a mediation appt for custody / visitation. Sounds great for Holy Week! And my birthday is Holy Saturday / Easter Vigil, so happy birthday to me!

We do have a court date for April 30th, but L is requesting a continuance (which should be for 1st week of July).

With respect to mediation, W talked with me tonight. She said she forgives me for anything that I’ve done to her to make her angry—she’s no longer angry with me, although it is her opinion that I’m mad / angry with her.

I know I need to preface this with a tall, cold glass of BELIEVE NOTHING THEY SAY, but I gotta run this past the forum (as well as L, but she’s not awake right now and I will email tomorrow morning):

So, according to W, FWIW: W wants to talk with me before we go to mediation on Thursday. According to her: The judges / family law courts are extremely biased towards the mothers, and in Orange County, a judge supposedly turned to a mother with a known history of substance abuse issues and granted her 100% custody and then turned to the father and asked him why he deserves visitation. W also claims that she will present to the mediator the times when she has wanted to talk with me and I haven’t been cooperative with her.

My first thought was, hmmmm.....if that’s the case, then should I have in mind: her threats to evict me from the condo, her threats to up and take the boys from me, her declaring me (to my face and in legal paperwork) a flight risk.

To me, this sounds absolutely nuts.

Luckily, L and I have a phone convo on Wednesday, going over what to expect, and L already provided to me a list of talking points for mediation (outlining proposals for custody / visitation).

I did my best to, as LH previously put it, validate and move on, but W can’t be possibly be serious about any of what she said? What she is talking about sounds absolutely freaking ludicrous.

Last edited by Bo562; 04/12/19 05:54 AM.

M: 36
W: 30
T: 9
M: 7

S6 (OS)
S7mo (YS)

ILYBINILWY BD: Feb. ‘18

W Wants S / D BD: 1/4/19

H / W still in-house

D papers from W: 3/14/19
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B,

I guess I'm confused as to why she is threatening you. What does she want? I would make it crystal fuching clear you are not budging on 50/50 and if she wants to go to court and waste thousands of dollars that have at it.

This isn't the 1950s. Courts understand that children especially boys need a father figure in their lives.

I read once that 90% of males in jail had little to no father figure.

Also, if you have to drop a little hint that you know what she's hiding from you (because she is) and you will do everything in your power to get 50/50 custody.

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Originally Posted by LH19
B,

I guess I'm confused as to why she is threatening you. What does she want? I would make it crystal fuching clear you are not budging on 50/50 and if she wants to go to court and waste thousands of dollars that have at it.

This isn't the 1950s. Courts understand that children especially boys need a father figure in their lives.

I read once that 90% of males in jail had little to no father figure.


IMO, she is issuing threats to try to frighten Bo into submission...

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Originally Posted by LH19
B,

I guess I'm confused as to why she is threatening you. What does she want? I would make it crystal fuching clear you are not budging on 50/50 and if she wants to go to court and waste thousands of dollars that have at it.


Not totally sure what she wants right now—other than the fact that she wants to know my emotional state (“how are you doing, how are you feeling,” etc.). For someone who doesn’t want to be my W, she sure wants to know what’s going on inside. She kinda lost out on that when she fired me as H.

The threats came mostly before earlier this week (so, starting from January onward)—threats about her evicting me from our residence, her up and taking the kids, blah blah blah. Very little of what she claims would come to pass actually has.

Now? I’m guessing the threat is that if I don’t negotiate with her before mediation, I could lose out on custody / visitation.

She also claims that she will hold my prior ‘unwillingness’ to work with her against me in mediation—to be fair, if I need to, I can probably use her threats towards me against her, or when she would to OS that she ‘already has one sick baby and doesn’t need another.’ I pay attention to stuff like that and document it.

Originally Posted by LH19
This isn't the 1950s. Courts understand that children especially boys need a father figure in their lives.

I read once that 90% of males in jail had little to no father figure.


I sure hope the courts realize that. The boys need their Daddy.

My L told me previously that the courts in our jurisdiction to tend to be rather fair, so I’ll trust her on this one. But I’ll admit it’s difficult to hear this from W in any event, which leads to what Vapo said below....

Originally Posted by Vapo

IMO, she is issuing threats to try to frighten Bo into submission...


Vapo, you’re probably right on this one.

The thing is, is that that approach hasn’t really worked with me—I think I’ve held much more firm with her person-to-person than I would have (though I do talk about my private thoughts / fears here in the forum). As mentioned above, few (if any) of her threats have actually come to pass. I’d like for it to stay that way.

Last edited by Bo562; 04/13/19 06:08 PM.

M: 36
W: 30
T: 9
M: 7

S6 (OS)
S7mo (YS)

ILYBINILWY BD: Feb. ‘18

W Wants S / D BD: 1/4/19

H / W still in-house

D papers from W: 3/14/19
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 536
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Hi everyone,

Just a couple updates for right now:

Mediation for custody / visitation is tomorrow (Thursday). L presented to me some talking points / custody arrangements late last week—this afternoon, after classes, L and I are having a convo to go over those points, as well as what to expect in mediation (generally), as well as address some recent questions / concerns I have in response (or in addition to) her talking points.

In a previous thread, I mentioned that L told me that we could switch judges, otherwise known as ‘papering’ a judge. We ended up doing that—the case has been reassigned to a new judge (a male judge, FWIW, if it means anything). L told me that the original judge was a fine enough person, but judicially a wild card in terms of her rulings, and she said that ‘literally anyone else’ would be better. Now, W / STBXW and her L also have that right to ‘paper’ a judge—we’ll find out if that is the case soon enough I’m sure.

We also have a continuance for the court date—was supposed to be April 30th, has now been pushed all the way back to August 5th. Hopefully this means that we can mediate this out over the summer, as well as protects my rights with respect to visitation, residency, and property. I’m sure that can be a topic, as well.

W still wants to know what my near-future plans are. For someone who has threatened to move out around May 1st, I haven’t seen much in terms of packing / rounding up possessions.

Incredibly, she wants to know if I’m switching jobs, if I would leave the state of CA and take the boys, or leave the state of CA without the boys, or whatever. Unreal. I have told her next to nothing about my near-term plans—the only thing I said in response was “I have no plans on leaving my current position” (which is true, I’m quite happy where I’m at, and will be completing my 5th year of teaching, both in general, and at my current school).

I’m sure there is more, but I can respond as necessary with questions / comments (I really, really don’t feel well today, and am glad that today is a half-day, as well as convo with L this afternoon). Wish me luck for tomorrow!


M: 36
W: 30
T: 9
M: 7

S6 (OS)
S7mo (YS)

ILYBINILWY BD: Feb. ‘18

W Wants S / D BD: 1/4/19

H / W still in-house

D papers from W: 3/14/19
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,277
Likes: 8
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Stay strong buddy...

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Best of luck for tomorrow man.

Stay strong there!


WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
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Originally Posted by Bo562


W still wants to know what my near-future plans are. For someone who has threatened to move out around May 1st, I haven’t seen much in terms of packing / rounding up possessions.

Incredibly, she wants to know if I’m switching jobs, if I would leave the state of CA and take the boys, or leave the state of CA without the boys, or whatever. Unreal. I have told her next to nothing about my near-term plans—the only thing I said in response was “I have no plans on leaving my current position” (which is true, I’m quite happy where I’m at, and will be completing my 5th year of teaching, both in general, and at my current school).

I’m sure there is more, but I can respond as necessary with questions / comments (I really, really don’t feel well today, and am glad that today is a half-day, as well as convo with L this afternoon). Wish me luck for tomorrow!


Bo,

Just tell her your plans are to take care of yourself and your boys, otherwise don't respond to her probing. She keeps bringing up questioning you moving which may be her projecting her wants/desires to move..... who knows what she wants or what she is hiding just keep on your path.

Also, remember this is just mediation its not set in stone. If YOU don't agree with something, if it compromises YOUR values then don't settle. You can negotiate, but capitulation won't win her back or get her on your side. This a big step in fighting for what your future and your boys future will look like post-D. Good Luck. I will say a prayer for you.


H(37) W(35)
D8, D5, S3
T20, M13
BD 8/31/18
EA Discovered 9/13/18
Mediation 10/3/18
W files for D 10/12/18
W moves out 11/10/18
EA confirmed 12/25/18
D Final 1/10/19
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Bo562 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Vapo
Stay strong buddy...

Originally Posted by neffer
Best of luck for tomorrow man.

Stay strong there!


Thanks Vapo and neffer!


M: 36
W: 30
T: 9
M: 7

S6 (OS)
S7mo (YS)

ILYBINILWY BD: Feb. ‘18

W Wants S / D BD: 1/4/19

H / W still in-house

D papers from W: 3/14/19
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