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Well today is the 1 yr anniversary of my D being final and almost 2 years since we have been under the same roof. What a ride it has been. I can honestly say that my daughters are doing extremely well and that even though my marriage didnt work out I am a very blessed individual. The xw sent me an email yesterday asking for some prior years tax document's as she is planning to go back to school for something and was applying for financial aid. I provided her with the information but felt no inclination to ask.

I have not seen the dr since Sunday morning and our next date is coming up this Saturday. I am starting to feel more comfortable, more stable, and do sense that my feelings are growing.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Jan 2003
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You're doing just fine. I don't really remember the date my ex left but my anniversary with him usually blows by without me remembering anymore - and that's a very good thing! Sounds like you and the doctor are having a nice time and learning about each other at an appropriate (not crazy love bombing) pace. Good for you!

I know you feel like maybe you wish you had dated around a bit more before getting into a relationship - and there is validity to that, but at the same time has its own disadvantages. Sometimes I do wish that things had worked out with the first guy I dated after my ex left. He has his flaws, to be sure, but I might have been happier with him over the last 10 years than with all the dating "adventures" I've had since. (We broke up because his long lost high school girlfriend found him on facebook - they're still together after all these years so I don't feel slighted by it).

I guess what I'm saying is - when you find someone compatible with you, that's really valuable and harder to come by than you would think. I've only dated one other guy since my divorce who was similarly compatible (and he was a serious Love Avoidant who really wasn't capable of being in a relationship, unfortunately). So you've met someone you are compatible with, who appears capable of being in a relationship, the sex is good, and she doesn't appear to be crazy - I'd call that a win. Just keep taking time to get to know her.

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Btw, I'm not saying CMM isn't compatible in some ways - just not maybe as totally comfortable a fit as those two other guys, but also better at being available for a relationship, so everything is a trade-off.

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Originally Posted by kml
You're doing just fine. I don't really remember the date my ex left but my anniversary with him usually blows by without me remembering anymore - and that's a very good thing!

The same thing may actually be happening with Joseph or BS or whatever it is this month smile because his bio says:

"Divorce Final: 4/12/2018"

So it may actually be another week yet BS? Or do you just need to change/update your bio? Either way, the date is already elusive - and that IS a good thing! I can remember both of my dates (bomb drop and divorce) but they often pass by several days or more before I say "Oh yeah, Monday was the anniversary of...


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
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I’ll never forget the day of BD. It was Father’s Day and it just fits with everything about my ex. At least now, ex Actually has to spend the day with his son! But I don’t really remember the date of our divorce and if I’m busy i usually forget about our anniversary.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
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I remember BD day and divorce day as though they were yesterday. Somehow, I think those dates will be forever ingrained in my memory. BD was Sept. 29 and I remember that one vividly because it was exactly one month before our wedding anniversary (Oct. 29). Our D was final on 12/17 which I remember because it was the week before Christmas, so Merry f#@$@!$# Christmas to me that year. Having said that, though I remember the specific dates, they have become just another day to me. I do occasionally think of the significance of Sept. 29 on that day, when I realize the date, but I rarely even think about 12/17 anymore. It gets wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of Christmas and has become about happy family time for me again, so that one usually goes by without so much as a thought.

I do think that the farther that you get away from those dates, year-wise, the easier it will be to not think about it. This year will be 5 years out for me (both BD and D were in 2014) and those days are really more just a day on the calendar than anything at this point.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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It is starting to fade some I guess that is obvious since I did forget the actual day. For me coming to the board is a constant reminder and I have found myself coming here less and less. I just dont have the energy or desire any more. I go over to the newcomers section and I feel like my gas tank is empty and I have nothing to offer.

Still going slow with the dr....I will see her tomorrow. I will say it is hard to go 6 days without seeing her and keeping the momentum going. We talk or text daily but it still feels that some of the connection gets lost. I am looking forward to spending time with her but after going so long I feel like it takes me a minute to get back in the saddle physically. Just as I start to get comfortable I have to start all over again. Not from scratch but just the initial of being in her presence.

I would consider it a win and we are going slow. No more talks about kids meeting so it seems that we both are on the same page and it is shocking to her that she has not found a reason to disqualify me and the same for me to her so being vulnerable again is challenging. I do know that I am very lucky to have met her as our lives and lifestyle are that of two peas in a pod.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 621
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Originally Posted by TBSakaJ9
It is starting to fade some I guess that is obvious since I did forget the actual day. For me coming to the board is a constant reminder and I have found myself coming here less and less. I just dont have the energy or desire any more. I go over to the newcomers section and I feel like my gas tank is empty and I have nothing to offer.


Hey J9,

There were some key events around and on my BD so I doubt I will ever be able to forget those days.

As far as the board goes I found that once I popped out of the LBS fog my desire for newcomers has gone pretty close to nil. I think once the majority of sitch land here the R is over. You can almost smell the despair in people's sitches. I do believe in MWD anti-D philosophies, but I think modern society has values and ethics that encourage weakness and the easy way out. It is a big uphill battle to overcome with what I am guessing is a very low success rate esp for LBH. Anyway people like LH, AS, R2C, and Steve are amazing people as they continually help the LBS fight the good fight.

I really like the post-D board because you all show how you are moving on and dealing with life post-D. I wish more people came here to post.


H(37) W(35)
D8, D5, S3
T20, M13
BD 8/31/18
EA Discovered 9/13/18
Mediation 10/3/18
W files for D 10/12/18
W moves out 11/10/18
EA confirmed 12/25/18
D Final 1/10/19
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Sad to say, but I remember the details of bomb day like the details of 9/11.

It was pretty eventful. And from that night on, Me, my 6 month old baby girl and him never lived under the same roof at the same time again.

And while I am probably one of the most farthest moved on and longest at this ( I only say farthest as I am cordial woth my ex and OW and we are kind to each other and help each other out) the thought of that day still evokes some big emotions. But I love my life now.

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
Sad to say, but I remember the details of bomb day like the details of 9/11.

I have to say that I really relate with this. Clearly, I don't think about 911 much if at all other than if something pops up on television or I happen upon an artifact showing or something. Yet it's still clear in my head where I was, what I was doing, etc. It's the same with BD. It's even more-so, three or perhaps four days later, Bomb drop happened on a Monday in June after my ex W got home from work. The previous weekend was tense and I knew something was up but would have never guessed what. But I remember most everything that happened.

What is REALLY burned into me is a meeting with a councilor that we met with three or four days later - on a Thursday or Friday afternoon. ExW had used the "services" of the employee assistance at the hospital she worked for. Did these people have specific training? I have zero idea. I'm nearly positive they supported or even encouraged her leaving. I had hoped we were going to see a "real" councilor and this might be the start of fixing things - you know how it is 72-hours in - you think you can fix it. It then dawned on me either earlier that day or the night before... this might be a "trap." This might only be another way to say she wanted a divorce - which had not been said previously. I got there, came in, we started and within a few minutes I breathed a sigh of relief, even telling them that phewwwwww I thought this was going to be a meeting to set the end. It was then that she confirmed what I suspected. "Don, I do want a divorce," she said. I totally lost it. And this "councilor" looked at me and said, "is this how you really want to be acting now?" I almost could not believe my ears. No I'm sorry, no, it's going to be okay, no, let's get you some help - just "scolding" me for not acting the way she thought I should act when your wife tells you she wants a divorce. It was surreal. I HATED that lady - and still do. Of course she was trying in her un-trained feeble way to say what we have learned here about how to act in a bomb drop. To me it was adding insult to injury - not only was I getting divorced but I was not acting like one should act when they are given such news. I remember going out to the parking lot and I could not find my way out. I could see planes taking off and landing at the airport where I had based my plane for many years yet I had no clue how to get out of the parking lot. That's how messed up my brain was.

The very next day I met with a different "councilor" from the office who suggested I might want to read Divorce Busting. It will be 14 years this June since that happened and you can still see how clearly I remember it - if I think about it. Thing is, I rarely think about it anymore and I'll bet it's at least a 50-50 chance that June 21st or 22 or 23rd will hit before i go "Oh, wow, it's the 14th anniversary of BD." The actual occurrence fades away. The damage it did stays - I'm sure of it. No doubt, at least part of how I'm living my life today is still rooted in what happened to me after I trusted someone - something I had rarely if ever done before (and since). If this still sticks with me now 14-years later, I'm sure it has to be at least a little bit of why you are hesitant to commit more to the doctor. How could it not be.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
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