The Dr. has been pretty much what she has advertised since day 1. I know she is falling in love with me and I think in some respects I am starting to feel my emotions be engaged as well.
Granted we have not had our first fight yet nor have spent entire days or weekends together yet either. Our weekend schedules have not be aligned in about a month so we usually only get 3 to 12 hour stretches (12 hours including sleeping time) once or twice a week.
Since she just opened her own practice 6 months ago and she is the only Dr. she can't travel or leave town for extended periods of time.
She is very smart, very nerdy, very practical, very down to earth. Maybe she played a few games early on but ever since we got through the initial stages she hasn't waivered. She will text me in the mornings, she texts me good night, and if I text her and she can't respond right away she apologizes when she responds later.
She appears to be in it for the long haul. Has told me more than once that she really, really likes me, thinks that I am keeper, etc.
Well, as several of us ladies have tried to tell you all before, not all women are game players. Looks like you are finally dealing with one who isn't, so maybe you'll believe us when we say it from now on. Seriously, I hope it all works out the way you both want it to.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Give me the average looking guy with the great personality ANY day over the one who is "pretty" to look at, but is a douche.
Amen!
That being said - it IS a little different dating as an adult after a long marriage. I've had guys I had crushes on who weren't really available (the Love Avoidant ones). I've had guys who were available but not totally my cup of tea (in retrospect, while there were enough good things about my relationship with crazy exBF, I can see that I was just settling there and probably shouldn't have).
The thing is, at my point in life, I don't expect any one person to be everything I want and I don't NEED them to be everything. In fact, I don't NEED them at all. I WANT someone in my life but don't experience that need like I did in my 20's, and I know if I miss that bus another one will come along in 20 minutes.
So what do I want in a relationship? Sexual desire is pretty important. Intellectual companionship. Common values. Can I find the best of all three in one person - probably not. Best two out of three is sufficient I think.
Funny thing is I didn't think I wasn't available until I realized this had the potential for something more. When I realized that I then realized that whoa I might not be ready for all this.
I can see now how sensitive post D relationships are and it appears that all the stars need to be aligned in order to work.
I don't want to be Love Avoidant but it definitely has been a process to work through. All things considered (most of which are my emotions) the Dr. is a catch and I have been very blessed to have crossed her path.
I’m glad I was able to word it in a way that would get through. We are adults now. Life is a heck of a lot different now.
Sure, back in the day You wanted the hottest chick on your arm. You wanted that feeling of wanting to be together all the time. That’s who and infatuation which teens and 20 somethings have .
Now you are a dad! You have a college education and a career, and two beautiful daughter, a house, and interests that have developed over the years. Your needs and wants in life in general now are way different than way back when. So your needs and wants in life and relationships should have evolved too.
Outter beauty fades for both sexes. I’ve seen way too many naked old people in my time. Trust me, none of hay stuff matters if you want the long haul. The person who is considerate, loving, will care for you as you care for them, who you like to spend time with, and also spend time apart with, who treats your kids with love, has respect for you...... all that is what matters in the end.
Granted, you are still only 3 months in! You are not committed for life. Things might not work out. But they are working out now and you can water the relationship as you go along. But you do recognize she makes a good partner. You guys have lots of sex and you are attracted to her. She may not be a party girl, but what the heck are you going to do with a party girl at 45? We have those 45 year old single party girls around here who dress up like 20 year olds with their overly tanned boobs exposed except the nipples , and act that way, and they aren’t exactly picking up the quality ( very jersey housewife around here) what are you going to do with that? She likes to have fun with you, she doesn’t just hide in her house all the time.
Time to change perspective. It really is a matter of perspective. If you aren’t ready to be in a relationship, I don’t judge that. But when you are, I would rethink what kind of woman you want as a life partner.
Also? What makes her so “nerdy”? She’s smart? She likes science? I’m curious. I haven’t heard anyone use that term in a while and I still don’t even know what that encompasses
Well I don't know if I was really 100% ready for a R but I would be very stupid to walk away from her. I am getting there but it's just taking me some time. She wants to make my oldest D a Llama cake for her birthday. That's my oldest's favorite animal.
Actually she is a self described nerd. To me she is kind of nerdy because she doesn't like sports, likes to read Harry Potter books, is a word smith, and is very formal in the way she talks. She is just so insanely intelligent and independent. I often wonder what in the heck see she in me
That said it is still so very early and anything can happen, change, etc. As I start to warm up more to her she could move in the opposite direction so I just need to be aware. This is her longest post D relationship so as things continue to progress she could freak out as well.
She is just so insanely intelligent and independent. I often wonder what in the heck see she in me smile
Insanely intelligent independent women can have a hard time with men. Many men unfortunately cannot cope with a woman who might be smarter than them. My ex had an issue with this, even though he was a famous surgeon in his field. He knew that I did better than he did on standardized exams when we were in medical school. I personally never thought of myself as smarter than him - I was better at some things, he was better at other things. We just had DIFFERENT types of intelligence. But he always had a little bit of a chip on his shoulder about it (and is now married to a much younger woman who acts like a little girl).
So long as you are secure in yourself and not threatened by her type of intelligence you will do fine with her. Remember there are many types of intelligence and you are likely better at certain things than she is.
J9 - I'm going to ask you a really tough question and you perhaps may not know the answer.
Will you be ready for a relationship with the Dr within the next couple of months?
I read a lot of doubt and second guessing going on which is perfectly understandable. I have similar struggles that I'm going through myself.
In a few ways it seems like your biggest issues with the Dr are that she's not like your XW. She's not likely to change either. How well do you feel that you know her so far? You talk about how your mother likes her (have they met?), how she would be good for your girls, but how about you? Is she good for you? I binge-watched Tidying Up recently - does she Spark Joy. There's a scene in an earlier episode where you take an object and hold it tight and decide on how it makes you feel.
The other part of this is that you seem to have been expecting a fair period of hedonism and gettin' your smooth on. As if you've gotten on the train and unexpectedly got on the express and arrived far earlier than expected without multiple passes of the tea trolley (Harry Potter reference ) Do you know what it is that you are looking for in a relationship beyond blond hair and fake boobs? Hair can fall out and boobs deflate.
You're not too late to change trains if that's what you need to do. And just because you are pretty happy with what you found doesn't mean that there's not other women out there at some future date if you're not ready.
Anyway - just something perhaps for you to think about like I am myself.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Hi A....yes I will be. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders now that I know I am not supposed to feel all spun up and have that feeling of needing to see her every day, etc. I was concerned that because I didnt feel that way that something was wrong with me or the R. The dr. checks off a lot of my boxes, prob the only one is not being blonde I have felt myself moving closer to her over the last couple of days, being excited to see her. When I am with her I feel very relaxed and happy.
My mom has not met her, she just likes the algorithm.
I am obviously still getting to know her and I realize this. It's by no means a done deal like you suggested A but I am getting excited to see where happens and obviously she could pull the plug as well.
Seriously, I hope it all works out the way you both want it to.
) Do