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Originally Posted by curtis7
“I’m not sure we have a starting place to go back to”
response "I am not sure either. I just know with absolute certainty that I do not want to be in this sitch again"

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I stepped back to observe us and everything started to crystallize”


Originally Posted by curtis7
“This whole situation thing makes me sad”
response "It is very sad."

Originally Posted by curtis7
“You have to give yourself time too”
"Yes, I think I will take some time to process everything"

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I will be happier if you are out of my life”
response "I want us both to be happy. Do what you need to make yourself happy."

Originally Posted by curtis7
“Kids are resilient”
response "some kids are very resilient, ours will have no choice. It is your choice to put them through this SIGNIFICANT stress."

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I thought about saying no when you asked me to marry you”
response "That must have been a hard decision."

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I only said yes because I thought that was what family and friends expected of me”
response "family and freinds make things complicated"

Originally Posted by curtis7
“Separation is the only way I could possibly think differently about you”
response "I think it is best if you move out."

Originally Posted by curtis7
“It’s time for me to be selfish”
response "that is your choice."

Originally Posted by curtis7
“Don’t touch me”
response "I have no intention on touching you"

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I’m not attracted to you”
response "I wouldn't be attracted to me either if I were you."

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I don’t even like the way you smell”
response "Thanks for sharing."

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I feel trapped, like you’re backing me into a corner”
response "I can understand how you feel trapped."

Originally Posted by curtis7
“Stop being noble by trying to hold on”
resposne "How do you see me doing that?"

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I don’t have regret over the OM, so I don’t care if you heal”
response "I understand you feel that way"

Originally Posted by curtis7
“Don’t trust me!”


Originally Posted by curtis7
“It’s too late, I have no feelings left for you to try and continue”
response "Yes, It is too late. I wish we would have tried before it got to this point"

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I can’t give you what you want”
resposne "I am sorry you feel that way."

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I don’t need you”
response "I understand."

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I want a divorce”
response "I see many solutions to our problems. If D is the only way for you to be happy, I will not stand in you way."

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I’m going to call a lawyer to discuss my options”
response "Perfect"

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I’ll just have to fake it”
response "perfect"

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I’m not getting any younger and feel like I’m missing out on life”
response "I understand. hopefully you can live an exciting life"

Originally Posted by curtis7
“My mother died young and I don’t know how much time I have left”
response "I wish she was still alive"

Originally Posted by curtis7
“It’s not you, I’m broken”
response "It's OK. We are all broken"

Originally Posted by curtis7
“Separation doesn’t mean it’s necessarily over for us”
response "When we separate, I believe it is best that we move on and not look back"

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I just don’t feel it right now, I’m wasting time, I’m convinced those feelings won’t return.”
response "I don't think those feeligns will return either. We both have some hard decisions to make."

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I promise not to see OM, but will not break off all contact with him”
response "That does not work for me."

Originally Posted by curtis7
“My skin crawls and anxiety skyrockets around you”
response "I understand that. I think it is best if we stop interacting"

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I feel nothing for you, I’m not angry, I’m just indifferent”
response "I know."

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I don’t have any love left for you”
response "I understand."

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I don’t know what to do, I’m so confused”
response "I know, It is OK to be confused."

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I deleted everything associated with OM from my phone”
response "thanks for sharing"

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I might be a bad person, but I don’t intentionally try to hurt people”
response "I know"

Originally Posted by curtis7
“A smart girl always has a backup plan”
response "That is one of the things I admire about you"

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I want my freedom, I don’t want to have to answer to anyone”
response "I understand."

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I just want to be single”
response "I understand. Being married is a lot of work"

Originally Posted by curtis7
“Just let me go”
response " response "You are free to do what you want"

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I can’t see the forest for the trees”


Originally Posted by curtis7
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves”
response "Sounds like a good idea"

Originally Posted by curtis7
“Our marriage is only legal and doesn’t mean anything”
response "I can see why you feel this way. I wish it would have been different"

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I am moving out and have no intentions of coming back”
response "Perfect. Would you like help packing?"

Originally Posted by curtis7
“You didn’t treat me right and didn’t make me feel loved”
response "That must have been hard. I am sorry."

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I don’t think I ever loved you”
response "I believe you. It's OK. I understand"

Originally Posted by curtis7
“I know what I’m doing is unethical and immoral, but you are the cause”
response " I am sorry you feel that way. I don't control your actions."

Originally Posted by curtis7
“This is who I really am”
response "I know"


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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curtis7 Offline OP
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R2C, wow!! Masterful craftsmanship on the validation. I recall only responding with something similar on a handful of those.


Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16
PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18
PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19
R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20
W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 309
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curtis7 Offline OP
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Spring break week with my kids is winding down. We had a real nice beach outing, my W texted when we were there asking which beach we went to and to send pics. I waited a couple hours to respond and sent her a few of the kids.

I went to NCAA basketball yesterday with some good friends and enjoyed the time away.

Came home early this afternoon to find her texting away with various OM again for a few hours. Tried to ignore as best I could by spending time with the kids and working on projects around the house.

Getting close to her separation house closing now on April 1. At least when she moves out her repeated betrayals won’t be so blatant right in front of me.


Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16
PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18
PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19
R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20
W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 343
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I sympathise with you Curtis.

My WW is just the same. She denies there being OM, but grins when she says it. He is just a friend lol..

She spent the night there last night and left me with the children. There was no point in her coming back today, as she is so tired ( assume a night of new relationship passion ) - just ignored the children and fell asleep on the sofa.. Sandi hits the nail on the head when she states that WW are just selfish.. My WW moves into her new house next weekend, so one week left for me.. Then i really can focus on me and my children.. Biggest worry is how she will ignore the children when she has them frown


Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..

Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
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Curtis,

Sorry to hear about your W openness with the texting to OM. Focus on your own happiness and being there for the kids. I hear the more blatant the WW is, the easier it makes the LBS detach. People can get so hung up on trying to save the MR that their focus is on the WAS. I think those blatant actions kinda forces you to rethink where to put that focus.

Remember, you're the rock, the sane, civil one right now. Don't let her actions dictate your happiness.

@R2C, thanks pointing out Coach's words and taking Curtis's list of W phrases and spinning it for the better. Really appreciate you and all that you do to help here.


H 49 , W 47
T 23, M 17
S11, S5
BD: 7/18
IHS: 7/18 - 3/19
Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19
Piecing: 4/19 - Current

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Originally Posted by helpme12
Biggest worry is how she will ignore the children when she has them frown

Helpme, I read your sitch and not surprisingly we have experienced much of the same behavior from our WWs. It also seems we are on similar timelines with W moving out. While not all the time, I have watched her ignore the kids (plop then in front of the TV for the day) increasingly over the past few months as her smartphone addiction and fantasy life has ramped up.

These are the times when the LBS must pickup the slack in parenting and prioritize our kids. You can do it, they are most important right now and deserve our time and attention.


Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16
PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18
PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19
R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20
W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 309
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curtis7 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Adam04
I hear the more blatant the WW is, the easier it makes the LBS detach. People can get so hung up on trying to save the MR that their focus is on the WAS. I think those blatant actions kinda forces you to rethink where to put that focus.

Adam, I think this is true in my case. When you see and know what’s going on right in front of your eyes, you realize just how wayward they are. It sort of grounds your expectations and hope when any small signs of improvement are noticed since her words and actions are likely not genuine when she is still engaged in that type of activity. So, from that POV, detachment becomes easier.


Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16
PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18
PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19
R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20
W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 9,309
Likes: 283
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Originally Posted by Adam04
@R2C, thanks pointing out Coach's words and taking Curtis's list of W phrases and spinning it for the better. Really appreciate you and all that you do to help here.
My pleasure. I always assume someone can benefit. We never know who is reading. My job was easier since curtis put them all in one spot. I know there may be better responses, but it give people an idea of different ways to respond.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Originally Posted by LH19
Removing her from the MB and packing her stuff for her shows her that you know what is going on and you are not going to sit back and accept that your W is sleeping with other men.

I wanted to thank everyone for the help and guidance so far, the support has been incredible.

I have a question on possible consequences for crossing the boundary in my sitch. Since my W is moving out in just over a week, keeping her out of the MBR is going away. What other types of consequences could I consider if she continues to engage in EA/PAs with the OM during the physical separation?


Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16
PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18
PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19
R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20
W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
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C,

Unfortunately with her moving out there is really only one consequence left. Filing for divorce. I am guessing you’re not ready for that. The only thing you can do right now is to take the focus off your wife and put the focus on you and your children. Eat right, excercise and start to think about the kind of life you want for you and your children.

Stay strong my friend.

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