I think it’s great that you found someone you enjoy dating. I’m happy for you.
But if there is any lesson to be learned from repeated patterns is that you need to put the breaks on. I month in and talking about seeing each other ‘s therapists? That’s maybe something a committed long term couple does if not married.
Have fun. Learn each other on your own, enjoy the beginnings. Learn the natural way. You get ahead of yourself too fast. Enjoy the now. Plan your getaway. And what will happen will happen and what will develop will develop
Just a quick update...found out today that we have a contract for the sale of our marital home. That is great news for the moving forward of the next chapter in my life, but it is a bit bittersweet as it's where me and STBXW brought our D4 home to. I guess as many of you who have already raised children would tell me there will be many times throughout their lives where you wish you could stop time or life or changes from coming and yet they most certainly will no matter what you want. I do know that, but it just gets a bit heavy on the heart when you stop and reflect on the passage of time and places that had so much meaning in your life. The wonderful silver lining to this transition is that D4 and I will be moving into a wonderful new place to make our own memories together and that D4 is already very excited to decorate her new room and make it how she wants it. As we say many times on here, I'll put away the sweet memories of the past and focus on the fun of making new ones in the future with her and embrace it.
Still waiting on court dates to finalize the divorce. It's been weeks ago that WW filed. Anxiously awaiting word from my atty on dates. If my WW had been in anyway compassionate or tried to speak with me post-BD about R'ing I'm sure this time would be more difficult, but given her complete disappearance since BD this is nothing more than procedural and a welcome outcome to me. To this day, heading towards 18 months after BD, she is completely unable to even exist in the same room with me for 5 minutes. As we move to leave the marital home, she can only remove her items if I am completely gone from the house. That's just beyond crazy to me, but whatever. I know I'll have to co-parent D4 with her exclusively via email or text. It's beyond dysfunctional, but that's my reality unless/until time somehow changes her ways.
My lady friend and I are going along wonderfully. I appreciate the feedback I received from many of you above about taking it slow. There has been no going to each other's therapists or anything like that for some time now. These days we see each other about once or twice a week, sometimes for most of a day, sometimes just for a dinner or lunch. One thing I'm having a new appreciation for is how busy a person's calendar can become when being a single dad dating a single mother. With the upcoming summer vacations, work plans and custody schedules for our kids and with our ex's schedules, our together calendar is crazy. We speak very openly with each other and so are both just working our way through it as it comes.
Just a quick update...found out today that we have a contract for the sale of our marital home. That is great news for the moving forward of the next chapter in my life, but it is a bit bittersweet as it's where me and STBXW brought our D4 home to. I guess as many of you who have already raised children would tell me there will be many times throughout their lives where you wish you could stop time or life or changes from coming and yet they most certainly will no matter what you want. I do know that, but it just gets a bit heavy on the heart when you stop and reflect on the passage of time and places that had so much meaning in your life. The wonderful silver lining to this transition is that D4 and I will be moving into a wonderful new place to make our own memories together and that D4 is already very excited to decorate her new room and make it how she wants it. As we say many times on here, I'll put away the sweet memories of the past and focus on the fun of making new ones in the future with her and embrace it.
Still waiting on court dates to finalize the divorce. It's been weeks ago that WW filed. Anxiously awaiting word from my atty on dates. If my WW had been in anyway compassionate or tried to speak with me post-BD about R'ing I'm sure this time would be more difficult, but given her complete disappearance since BD this is nothing more than procedural and a welcome outcome to me. To this day, heading towards 18 months after BD, she is completely unable to even exist in the same room with me for 5 minutes. As we move to leave the marital home, she can only remove her items if I am completely gone from the house. That's just beyond crazy to me, but whatever. I know I'll have to co-parent D4 with her exclusively via email or text. It's beyond dysfunctional, but that's my reality unless/until time somehow changes her ways.
My lady friend and I are going along wonderfully. I appreciate the feedback I received from many of you above about taking it slow. There has been no going to each other's therapists or anything like that for some time now. These days we see each other about once or twice a week, sometimes for most of a day, sometimes just for a dinner or lunch. One thing I'm having a new appreciation for is how busy a person's calendar can become when being a single dad dating a single mother. With the upcoming summer vacations, work plans and custody schedules for our kids and with our ex's schedules, our together calendar is crazy. We speak very openly with each other and so are both just working our way through it as it comes.
My best to all of you!
-B
Congrats on the house sale B! I still own two homes! LOL W and I were talking about how we cannot wait for the old house to sell. D and I had to go over Tuesday night and mow the lawn at the old house. My W has been stressed out by the fact it has taken so long. I've tried to convince her we are fine (I am very good with financial decisions and made sure we were setup to ride out a long sales cycle).
Between the house selling and the D finally going final, you'll be in great shape for moving forward!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
so here's a question...and perhaps I should shuffle off to the post-D forum here shortly, BUT...for those who are post D, how long if ever did it take before your relations with you ex improved OR did they never improve? In picking up my D4 from WW on Friday I tried to take the high road and be forgiving. Her father has been dealing with complications from being a heavy smoker. When we met as always she never looks at me, but I encouragingly said "I hope your father's appt went well". In return I got a grunt of acknowledgement and then two verbal shots about how this or that were a mess.
Talking 15+ months now split and she's still as angry and avoidant of me as she ever was. I'm just interested in hearing the experiences of others post-D. Was it the D finally being final that opened them up, just time for them alone or did they never come around. I'm going to continue to take the high road, forgive her and keep my attention on the future, but would appreciate any comments.
Its different for everyone. It’s been 11 years and somewhere along the line my ex and became friendly. I’m friendly with his OWW too.
My boyfriebs , however, has been separated for about 4 years and divorced for 1 and his ex wife is one of the worst ever. She is a parental alienator and manipulator and they can stop not speak to each other. He would, she’s just crazy.
It may happen one day, it may not. But as long as compare ting happens, I wouldn’t care if she is personally friendly or not .
Thanks for the reply Ginger. Yes, honestly I'm not concerned if we are ever personally friendly again, although I would at least hope for the sake of our D4 that somehow/some way we could be. Co-parenting at least currently as far as planning we're fine, but I do wonder as D4 gets older if that will continue. It's one thing to discuss who has D4 when/where via email, another when dealing with issues from her school or personality or whatever issues will come along as surely they will. Just have to keep taking the high road, forgive and pray for the best I guess.
B, my XW was never really hostile towards me but she was definitely super cold. Like Ginger described the thaw happened slowly over time. It took years to get back to a place where we felt comfortable just hanging out and chatting like the old days. 3 years or so? Seems crazy that it takes that long but it often does.
so here's a question...and perhaps I should shuffle off to the post-D forum here shortly, BUT...for those who are post D, how long if ever did it take before your relations with you ex improved OR did they never improve? In picking up my D4 from WW on Friday I tried to take the high road and be forgiving. Her father has been dealing with complications from being a heavy smoker. When we met as always she never looks at me, but I encouragingly said "I hope your father's appt went well". In return I got a grunt of acknowledgement and then two verbal shots about how this or that were a mess.
Talking 15+ months now split and she's still as angry and avoidant of me as she ever was. I'm just interested in hearing the experiences of others post-D. Was it the D finally being final that opened them up, just time for them alone or did they never come around. I'm going to continue to take the high road, forgive her and keep my attention on the future, but would appreciate any comments.
-B
I am guessing B that when you are nice it causes her guilt. And her lashing out is rooted in that guilt. Just keep doing the right thing!
it is kind of like Dr. Phil says about being a better spouse to get a better marriage. Being a better spouse will almost always result in your spouse embracing that. In the rare cases that it doesn't result in that, it is still better than being angry and bitter and returning in kind.
I assume the same principle can be used in coparenting with an ex. Being the best person you can be will eventually engender the same in her. And even if it never does, it is still the best course of action for you and your D3!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
