B - I think the 4th girl I went on a date with I made the mistake of chatting it up way too much before we ever met. The conversations were great, full of energy, she would ask me these deep, though provoking questions and I started flirting right back with her. Then the date came and she was nothing like I expected, there was no chemistry, no connection, and no sexual desire.
I vowed to myself never again.
The quickest turn around I have had on a date from the time we started chatting to meeting was about 5 hours. Usually it would take maybe a week or so to meet up depending on schedules. I like to meet up as quick as possible depending on the frequency of conversation.
I, too, did Bumble. Met an amazing lady that I've been chatting with for about 6 weeks. We met up, in person, 2 weeks ago. It's a very LDR, but we are both willing to try it out and see if it can work. I'm actually going back to see her again next weekend.
As you can tell, we chatted for quite awhile before meeting up just because of the LD logistics. I am soooo thankful the chemistry was there and she was exactly what I was expecting when we did finally meet. I have a feeling I would have been very sad if that wouldn't have been the case.
I actually like the LD dynamic so far because it still gives me time for myself and time with just my kids. Plus, it sort of requires you to take it slow.
Good luck on this weekend, b. I'll be excited to read an update afterwards!
M: 34 W:34 D:7 D:6 S:3
M: 9.5 years T: 12
OM found & BD (by me): 9/19/18 IHS begins W informs me she's moving out: 11/28/18 W files: 12/21/18 D Final: 2/25/19
B - I think the 4th girl I went on a date with I made the mistake of chatting it up way too much before we ever met. The conversations were great, full of energy, she would ask me these deep, though provoking questions and I started flirting right back with her. Then the date came and she was nothing like I expected, there was no chemistry, no connection, and no sexual desire.
Happened to me once as well, seemed like the person I met was a totally different person than the one I was texting! It's easy to develop a picture in your mind of who you are talking to, and also easy for to be very wrong, LOL!
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The quickest turn around I have had on a date from the time we started chatting to meeting was about 5 hours.
I've had some same-day meetings as well. With one woman we messaged in late afternoon and a few hours later were having dinner together. We meshed like no one else I've ever met, it was like the air was filled with static electricity. The next night we went out again. Anytime I haven't been able to schedule a meet with someone within a few days of first contact I've ended up never seeing them. I think if they are serious they'll plan something pretty quickly, if they're not then they just want to text forever.
Same here with with me the connection was instant. We went out the very next day as well, it was as you describe electric. Then the next week she told me she wasnt physically attracted to me I was like WTF...your words and actions are not congruent.
Appreciate everyone's updates on OLD , their success/failures and their best wishes. FWIW I've had lots of success over the years. Sure I've had the random no connection, one date done, but both of my ex's were from Match and took off after our first date. Big reason I went with Bumble was so that the lady had to make the first move. The young lady who I've been talking with I continue to believe she and I will have a great time this weekend. No major plans besides having drinks, some dinner and seeing where we go from there. I approach these dates optimistically, we both believe the chemistry is there, but we'll find out tomorrow and see how it goes. Given our children and custody schedules almost inherently that will make the pace at which we could get to know each other much longer than if we didn't have children.
Simply put I'm optimistic and hopeful. Nothing more, nothing less. We started talking on Monday afternoon so it will have been less than a week since we first chatted until we met. Will have a double update sometime thereafter as Sunday I'll be going to write up a contract on a new place for myself and D4. HUGELY excited for that event to happen! I plan to give D4 lots of input into her room and colors and how she would like to decorate it. Buildling a new place for her and I to call home is going to be one of many thrills I've been blessed to have in my life.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Well all...Miss Bumble and I met and had a wonderful date last night. She had to adjust the time due to a change in her children's schedule, but that is to be expected from time to time given we are both single parents. The chemistry we thought we had was immediate and real when we met. We were able to have some drinks, a light dinner and enjoyable conversation throughout. As she has custody of her children this weekend we had to end the date earlier than we both wanted to, but in truth that will prove a good thing overall to our pace of getting to know each other. She texted me after she got home to tell me how fantastic of a time she had with me and I replied in the same way to her. This morning we've been texting back and forth about the enjoyable time we had last night and continuing to share things about ourselves with one another. We are both very happy to have met and find our hopes about the other were very much true. It may be a bit of time before our custody schedules allow us to see each other again, but we're both going to do what we can to make that happen.
Sounds great B!!! Super happy for you about how far you have come. You have been such a great support to me and I feel like we are in very similar places with our sitchs. It is really, really amazing how freeing it is when you figure out that life does go on and that even though you are not getting the future you thought you would have, there may actually be something better in store. I, for one, love that there are an infinite number of possibilities and all I need to do is enjoy the journey!!! (((HUGS)))
Thank you DV6! For sure we are in similar places in our sitches and you are welcome to the extent I've been able to support you along the way! Yes you are definitely right in what you say. I think for my D4 given the experiences I've been through I will try to keep her mindful of trying not to hold on too tightly to things, people in her life for that very reason. Not to say that I would suggest she not love as deeply as possible, but more rather to just understand that sometimes those we love the most at one point in our lives may move out of our lives and we need to realize as you say that if they do there may be something better in store for them and perhaps a different future than what they had hoped for or expected. I guess the toughest part for folks on here and rightly so that are trying to get to "life does go on" is that marriage is to be about forever and a lifetime and commitment and when it is ripped up right before your eyes and you are helpless to stop that...well no wonder life going on is so hard to get to.
Anyway, further news...yesterday I signed a contract for a new place for me and D4! Its a wonderful place in a great location and I look forward to making it how we want it. I've bought many properties in the past, but none by myself. Happy that no matter what happens on the lady front for me I have a sense of permanence in having my own place. Now I have to use some of my great Dad skills to make sure that D4 is ok throughout this transition and completely enjoys and is a part of making our new home together.
And lastly, while signing the contract Miss Bumble asked if I would be interested in meeting up for a late dinner/rendezvous with her last night as her mother was going to come over and sit with her kids that night. We both very much wanted to see each other again as given our custody schedules it may be some time before we can again. Anyway of course I accepted and we had a wonderful time yet again. We both are very much in to one another. I think the strongest pull for me to her is that she is very emotionally available, mature and great at expressing her feelings while she's told me that I'm super smart and very open with my feelings towards her. I had felt rather apprehensive as I've previously about being twice divorced and how ladies might view that, but she was very understanding when I explained what had happened to me. I was also apprehensive about telling her of my going to IC, but she actually applauded me and thought it was sexy that a man would take himself to counseling without being prodded by someone else. And then when I found out she goes to IC as well, best I can say is that it's like I as a male DB'er have met up with a female DB'er, something that many times we talk about on here how nice that would be if possible as we would understand from where we both come from. The best part is that we both are in agreement on the value of going to IC proactively in a relationship to build on the positives as opposed to only going once things have gone south and are beyond repair. Bottom line is that she and I are very happy to have met and have really hit it off with one another.
I hope all who are suffering on here in their sitches may take some hope from ready my story. Early on this video by a preacher he talked about the concept of being able to make it on broken pieces...just because things are broken in your life doesn't mean you can't survive. For anyone struggling this Monday and I used to LOATHE the start of a new week as that meant more crazy from my WW, you CAN make it on broken pieces I'm living proof.
