If the weekly dates are having a bad effect on you, it is okay to change them. If every week you are getting your hopes up, getting anxious, then having to deal with disappointment afterwards, maybe there needs to be a change or a pause on them. Not to manipulate your H into giving you more than he has to offer, but to protect yourself and get yourself on a more even keel. You don't have to decide anything about this today.
I don't think this is related to the dates (though earlier on the dates did really unsettle me for days afterwards). I don't know where this morning's stuff came from, it just appeared from nowhere about 8am and knocked me sideways, it was a wave which came over me. I feel a bit calmer now, just exhausted. I won't make any hasty decisions... Yes, he was kind to me. I just really wanted him there in person and I told him that.
Maybe that's the vulnerability that you were thinking about. Asking for something you really needed when you needed it. You can leave it with him, I guess, and care for yourself as much as you can.
I get those waves too. They are so so so hard to deal with. You're doing okay.
He texted and said he can get away from work early tomorrow and meet me an hour earlier. I need him today though, tomorrow I might be fine but right now I'm sad and tired. I might appreciate the effort another time but it's all still just crumbs. I'm not going to reply right now. The rest of my day was ok, I went for a run with a friend as well as my aerobics class. Back to work now and then taking ds2 to his after school activity and getting more work done there. It's hard to focus when you feel so terrible, but I'm determined to make this Thursday deadline even if it's Thursday evening.
That's good, Dilly. Perhaps instead of looking at it as crumbs, you could see it as a possible change? You let him see you very vulnerable and asked him for help. And he thought about it and offered you what he could. He isn't running away. Are you distancing, by not replying?
Good luck with your deadline. I have a couple myself and though I am feeling okay today, I am behind too and finding it difficult to focus. I hate obsessing about my marriage, but my mind seems to go there before it goes anywhere else.
Edited to add: and notice this - he is leaving work to come and spend time with you. That sounds pretty huge to me. I guess you don't want to overwhelm him, but it sounds like he is putting you before his need to work and that's a step forward.
Last edited by AlisonUK; 03/18/1904:09 PM. Reason: to add additional thought
Thank you, yes you're right about me both distancing by not replying and about him offering an olive branch I'll text him to say I'm ok. Not sure about tomorrow night, if I'm as fragile as today I just won't be able to do it but an early night might sort me out. I'm just so sick of feeling abandoned and alone.
I hear you. I get it. And you know, you told him you needed him, and he arranged to come. And it isn't 100% of what you want, but it might be a start. And if it isn't a start, you're no worse off than you are today and you're still free to make the decisions you need to make to protect yourself and move forward if you need to.
I hope you get some good sleep. I'm feeling a bit sad tonight myself but am trying to remind myself of the baby steps I am seeing H take and the movements forward I am making for myself. I'm exhausted but I am doing my best and so are you. And it will be April and your holiday before you know it.
Thank you, and I hope you slept well yourself. I went to bed at 8 and just got up at 7, I woke up quite a lot of times with cramps though so I still feel like a giant has sat on me. Going to tackle this work mountain before I go and swim with a friend who can't run right now. I will go tonight, might ask dh to run even slower than last time though!
Taking it easy sounds like a really good plan. I am tackling my own work mountain. I slept terribly last night but am in reasonably good spirits today and have massive and lovely GAL plans for the weekend which means getting a lot of tasks off my desk this week, so no time to mope about brooding. Got my goodnight text last night and sent encouragement this morning. Seems we're into a bit of a routine with that, which might be one way of inching towards building trust. Who knows? I wish you well for this evening.
lovely GAL plans sound great Good luck being productive! I haven't done as much as I needed to yesterday or today due to this hormonal stuff, but I finally feel over the worst of it. I went for a lovely swim and got some massive hugs from a good friend. Then I went for a run with dh and we had dinner at the pub. It was ok, he was quite snappy at me during the run about things like me interrupting him (don't think I did too badly) but I think he'd had a difficult day at work with people he doesn't like so I didn't take it too personally. He finished up his drink and pretty much shooed me towards the train, which I tried hard to again not take personally, but he did text to check I got home ok. We were arranging stuff for the weekend, he said he'd take the kids to their activity when I said I might get away for half the weekend before going back for ds2's match on Sunday. I pointed out that then I wouldn't get to see him at all over the weekend and then he suggested a walk but the logistics didn't really work. So then he suggested breakfast on Friday morning since I'm going to be in town anyway. So that was good. I feel partly relieved that he's not rushing to stay over at home when I'm away but also sad that he won't spend too much time at home. It's not like it's just me he's avoiding, it's all of us.
I feel frustrated that he's so shut down. I'm sick of talking about the weather and surface things and his job. I don't know how we get past this, or if. Maybe since he's been pretty good about responding to my requests so far I might see how I could phrase trying to get some more emotional intimacy in a way he might feel comfortable with. I don't know. Maybe I just need to wait till April and be more patient. Anyway, another early night beckons since I'm still not back to normal.
Good luck being productive! I haven't done as much as I needed to yesterday or today due to this hormonal stuff, but I finally feel over the worst of it. I went for a lovely swim and got some massive hugs from a good friend. Then I went for a run with dh and we had dinner at the pub. It was ok, he was quite snappy at me during the run about things like me interrupting him (don't think I did too badly) but I think he'd had a difficult day at work with people he doesn't like so I didn't take it too personally. He finished up his drink and pretty much shooed me towards the train, which I tried hard to again not take personally, but he did text to check I got home ok.