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Please remember I only post here for support, questions or WHEN I AM LOW. , . Or maybe lining up for the 2x4’s Lololol only 90% maybe 80 . My house is secured and she works from home , I do let her escape once in a while;) she has agreed to tell me and I do keep a close eye. She’s had the visit from Mother Nature the last 2 weeks I asked for a chance and she Agreed
I feel that the techniques are more aimed at removal of love for the spouse to protect the lbs
Usually when someone says they're getting mixed signals between here and Michele's book it's because of a misunderstanding rather than contradicting info. When we say to get out, GAL, give your W time and space, that is all consistent with Michele's teachings. The ultimate show of love is letting someone go. Because begging/ pleading/ negotiating/ reasoning are all based on selfishness. Those things are us telling the WAS "I don't care what YOU want, this is all about what I want and what I want is to stay together so that's what you need to do to make me happy." But if you respect their wishes and leave them alone and let them go despite all the pain and anguish it causes you, well that my friend is real, true, honest-to-goodness, selfless love. Letting go isn't the "removal of love", it is the ultimate expression of it.
Current relationship 12-2014 to present Previous: Me:57, XW:55 S16, D22, D24 M:21; BD:06-14-12; S:09-10-12 D final 03-17-14
Duh duh duh, tomorrow will be crunch time , kinda getting exciting, if she does blow out om then I will be in for some spew like 2 weeks ago . Oooh what’s gunna happen , will she choose new super me or fantasy toy boy , stay tuned for the next episode . Joking aside , I will not accept being lied to , I guess it’s not being cheated on technically, but that is what it feels like , and I am not putting in any effort to validate and support her whilst she does these things with other men and expect me to be the gay bff who pays for her and support s her whilst she does what she wants whilst hiding her intentions from me . I made this clear and I will be fine either way
Last edited by Cadet; 03/15/1907:30 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
I think from the boundaries thread, a good boundary is about what you will do, rather than trying to control what someone else will do. I have a boundary around being spoken to in a disrespectful way. If H starts with the sarcasm or mockery or belittling, then I end the conversation. He's absolutely free to speak in whatever way he wishes whenever he likes, and I am absolutely free to leave the room, end the phone call, etc etc. It isn't about controlling him, but about protecting me. (Easier said than done - I'm not consistent about applying the boundary and I still catch myself trying to 'convince' him to speak respectfully to me, rather than just leaving and not tolerating the disrespect - but you get the gist.)
I guess in this situation, you can't stop her seeing someone else. You can't throw her out. You can't make her do anything. But you can decide that you won't live in the same house as someone in an active affair. Or you won't financially support someone who is using joint family money to fund an affair. Or something else?
It is a very hard one. I think people more experienced and skilled than I am will be able to advise you better.
Thanks Alison, you are correct. I do need some vet support on this one . All this came from no where , I guess it was her guilt and uncertainty about me . It must be very confusing and difficult for her , but I am not going to endure living in the house with the woman I love whilst she is in another relationship, regardless of what it is based on . I am sure she would love me to carry on being her best friend provider, protector and supporter, whilst she swans off once a week for a couple of hours