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Hamburg is absolutely correct...if she is still having an affair, be it physical or emotional, she is in replay. Emotional affairs are very difficult to break and it will take some time for that to wind down because it is more on the emotional/mental side of things and not just a purely physical one.

She may opt to remain in the home because it is more beneficial to her because of finances or it could be that you aren't putting undue pressure on her or her affair partner is not ready to move forward and have her move in w/him. Whatever the reason, you will need to let her be and keep the focus on you.

Time will tell just where she's at, but she is still in replay and it appears that the deep, dark depression and withdrawal have not begun.

Keep the focus on you and allow her to continue to work on herself...be sure to what your finances closely.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Can someone explain the difference between mlc and wws? I was reading about walkaway wives and just want to confirm that I'm dealing with mlc. Thanks.

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with MLC- You may see a lot of different behavior

age-37-45
seems younger for woman like 37-40
40- 45 men

loosing weight
wearing new style (younger) clothes
a new car , motorcycle
working out
hair color change
tattoos
new sometimes younger friends or different type of friends
sometimes choosing friends who party
or reconecting with high school friends
acting differently
less responsible with the kids or animals
going out a lot
drinking, using substances
gambling
any new expensive items
spending money more

you may see other signs but these seem to be a common thread among MLCers


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
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Here is a link over on Newcomers' that might give you some insight on the topic of a walkaway wife:

For Newcomer LBH with a Wayward Wife


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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That was very helpful and I definately appreciate your responses to my questions. I'm pretty sure it is mlc. I am working on myself and staying detached. I only speak to w when absolutely necassary.

I am seeing forward progress in her mlc though.

Here is why. First, there has been no angry spewing in months. She seems calm.

I see her reconnecting with the kids. In fact as I look at her relationship, I'm not sure she ever completely disconected from them. She acted very irrersponsibly but never completely turned her back on them.

I see her also talking to her pre mlc friends more. She has begun using a social media account that she stopped using when she entered replay. This is an acct that has her married last name (mine). My therapist says that's big.

Her online ea seems to be falling apart... At least publicly.

She has regained the weight she lost at the begining of replay and has stopped working out obsessively.

When she does go places with the kids she sends them back in to say goodbye to me if they haven't.

I know that the road ahead is still long and bumpy. I understand that and I respect your opinion. I'm just seeing these things happening consistently and I'm somewhat confused when everyone says she's still in replay.

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Until the affair is completely over and she's actually working on herself, I would consider her to be in the last stages of replay. They go through a period of losing weight and acting out and then they begin to settle down a bit and start gaining the weight back.

I would continue as you have been and observe from afar. No pressure! Allow her to come to you and listen, be patient and listen some more.

You have to remember...we can only go by what you post, i.e., mentioning that the affair is still going on even though it appears to you to be falling apart.

Have you read the reconnection thread? If not, you may need to think about doing so. It will help you better understand what reconnection looks like. Here's the link:

TMAK - Explanation of Reconnection

Last edited by job; 07/01/19 07:59 PM. Reason: added a link to another thread

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thanks job. Yes I have read that thread. I will probably reread it though.

I see things that others don't see. She is now glancing at me when she doesn't think I'm noticing.

Although we rarely talk I feel as if she is begining to move back towards our marriage. Hard to explain.

It's just what I see and feel.

Anyways, there is no pressure. I continue to stay dark. I am working on myself and have 90 days sober.

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Faith, Keep us posted on what is happening. It is really tempting to look at the small details, but the best thing you can do is keep doing for yourself. As someone who has recently been through a similar scenario, watching the minutia will only come back and haunt you. If you end up back together these details may hurt you emotionally, especially if they are discussed. If you do not end up together you will hold more resentment and feel you got your hopes up and wasted your time. Keep the focus on you and the kids.

Lastly, CONGRATS on 90 days sober. That is no easy task. The health benefits will pay dividends in the future! If nothing else, that is a huge silver lining behind all of this.

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I am proud of your sobriety. I am going through a similar time with my MCL wife who I believe is in the final stages of a 2 year + Replay. Stay your course.

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Thanks everyone for your replies. They are very helpful. I wish I could post more but I am working 2 jobs and have very little time for anything but work and sleep. I am starting a new job next week that will hopefully allow me to leave my second job.

So it seems that wife's ea is not dying like I thought it was. It seems stronger than ever. They write poems to each other and I can judge by their responses to each other on how strong it is. Maybe what I saw a few weeks ago was the begining of the end. Who knows.

Wife seems to be cycling into anger again where just my presence makes her angry. I came home early yesterday to get some rest before going to job 2. She didn't like that so she called me a bunch of names and then left. I thought we were through this.

I have been doing dishes and she has been doing laundry. She hasn't done the laundry in a while though. It needs to get done. Should I just do everyone except her clothes or should I do hers too?

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