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me: 45 wife: 44
son: 13 son: 17
married in 2000
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DaveK Offline OP
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Thanks for your help, guys....and I do not mean this sarcastically. No response was the answer as to what to do. I did not comment at all on WW's messages and I won't. Yea, she may be upset about what I post online, but at the root it is her behavior. She's cheating and I am supposed to adhere to all the highest standards? Nope. That is unfair. And of course she sees things differently, otherwise we would not be in this hell hole. What would arguing accomplish? Nothing!

As long as she clings to the past and complains about how bad it / I was there is no point in talking. Once she wants to focus on the present and future we get somewhere.

In other news, started Wellbutrin, makes me dizzy, have a head cold, and otherwise I feel like absolutely total crappy [censored]. Nice thing was when I got home from game night yesterday I still had to make cole slaw for today and S13 was there and helped me. He kept asking if I am OK and I had a hard time answering that question. No, I am not OK, but that isn't something he should be concerned with.
Send S17 instructions on what to do for the unlikely event that Wellbutrin induces seizures. One of my coworkers has epilepsy and after having talked to a person from Australia (back when I thought being a listener on 7cups would be good for me) I asked him about it and what to do if he ever has a seizure. Roll him on the side, stick a pen or something else that is hard between his teeth to avoid biting off the tongue, call 911. I mentioned it also to my boss who was surprisingly appreciative of me telling him.
Speaking of work, promotion is in the cards again, will know by the end of the month. Work overall is progressing slowly. What else? Idiot me booked car state inspection for 8AM on Saturday and S13 wants a hair cut, so we will do that on Saturday as well.Got my Google Fi SIM, will switch over tonight, want to take a backup of my phone first, ya never know.


me: 45 wife: 44
son: 13 son: 17
married in 2000
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Dave,

How is the Wellbutrin going for you?

Regarding your letter, its nice to type out for yourself, just don't give it to your W. No pursuit.

Your W response about being bored, lonely etc... its simple and says a lot. you're W won't hear you, not like you want to be heard.

No more accidentally leaving stuff out for her to read either, this has a negative and opposite effect from what rational people would think. She is not in that mindset.

If yesterday wasn't better than the day before, don't worry there are more days ahead to try and get it right or better than the last. One day, it will get better. Patience, young grasshoppa. Patience.

You're busy so that's good. Give it a chance. Keep GAL and DB.


H 49 , W 47
T 23, M 17
S11, S5
BD: 7/18
IHS: 7/18 - 3/19
Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19
Piecing: 4/19 - Current

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DaveK Offline OP
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Adam,

I didn't leave stuff out on purpose. It was a lapse in securing what I post.

As far as I can tell, W stopped drinking. Today she offered to get dinner ready and said she will be doing the grocery shopping this weekend. She also proposed a plan on how to split up dinner responsibilities going forward now that she will be working soon.

The past weeks and months she would not have announced such plans or suggested anything like that. Having the job come up is a motivator and without the alc a major depressant is gone.

The way she interacted with me about the dinner and grocery stuff is on a level I can accept. Talked to my therapist today and he said it might be good idea to give her a small token of appreciation when she starts her new job. Reward "good" behavior and retreat when that changes.

I'm on my second day of Wellbutrin. Totally ineffective, I still have all my problems and my pay did not increase.

Just kidding....first day I got a bit dizzy...and I got a 3% raise. As far as Wellbutrin improving anything, that is too early to tell.


me: 45 wife: 44
son: 13 son: 17
married in 2000
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DaveK Offline OP
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Have to give kudos to W...I guess. Yesterday she messaged me and asked about Friday night dinner plans. I told her that I asked S17 to heat up lasagna rolls. S17 forgot so I had to do it, but at least they were quick. W also messaged me this "I want to drink tonight. I think it is an ok compromise to drink on a Friday/Saturday night. I don't see anything wrong with that. Would you be flaming mad?"
Last time she got wasted it was S17 who got flaming mad, not me. She also doesn't ask for my approval on things that matter far more than drinking beer. I also have no control over what she does. So after the constructive "what do we eat" exchange I went back to dark and didn't mark that message as seen until after I got home (phone has preview of last message, but that does not mark them as read) and did not respond. There is nothing I can say about that topic. If she'd ask me directly I would have told her to think about how she wants to be seen and remembered by our sons.
So I expected the 30 pack in the hallway or some special beers in the office or something like that. But there was nothing. Instead she bought a 12 pack of flavored seltzer water. OK, I don't know if she has a secret stash of booze somewhere. By the time I got home around 5:30 she was already in bed. Knowing from my father in law how he coped with depression spells, sleeping a lot is not uncommon. While sleeping you don't feel depressed. Since we all have a cold of some sorts it could also be that she took a good swig of NyQuil...with the 10% of alc it might have taken the edge off a bit as well.

She promised again to die S13's hair. I take him for a haircut today. So we will see. Had plans to meet with hobby authors this afternoon, but that got postponed until Tuesday at 5 when I cannot go. Kinda bummed about that. I think I will take the laptop my son lent me to the mall and sit in the food court tonight. I have a poem I want to construct and with nothing else now planned that sounds like a good alternative.

Now off to get state inspection for my car. Idiot me booked the 8AM appointment.


me: 45 wife: 44
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There is no winning in responding to her question about drinking. You say have a drink, well now you are complicit. You say don't drink, you're mean and controlling. Some of those seltzer waters have booze in them. My W has had several long spells where she just laid in bed, it's definitely a behavior exhibited by depressed people.

And haha the 8 AM on Saturday?! Dang...

I need to check out the Google Fi thing too. I read about it a while back when you posted it.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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Hi ovrrnbw!

The seltzer that she bought has no alc in it. I only knew about it because S13 was coming upstairs on last night and said that W told him that he can have some of the seltzer.

8AM wasn't the worst about it...the 400$ price tag for the front breaks was a surprise. Both cars are automatics, so having to fix the breaks constantly is the price of the convenience. But I never cheaped out on breaks and tires. Dents and scratches I can care less about it....my life, not so much.

Took S17 to the post office so that he could mail the package to his friend in Australia. Took S13 for a hair cut, came out really nice. W has a cold and sore throat and some other issue I didn't inquire about (frequent visits to the bedroom with her pants off and spells in the bathroom....I don't even want to know). So I offered to do the grocery shopping and she agreed only that I go and get things for today. She will do it tomorrow because she said she will do it. Yes! Wow! That is a change, especially if she indeed goes out tomorrow and does it. So I got some soda, milk, frozen pizza, and that was about it.

I wonder if the next weeks are a great opportunity. At least I will try hard to pick up more chores around the house. The bathrooms are now starting to become a health risk, so I have to clean them. Already cleaned the range hood, but there is a corner behind the stove that starts to turn into a grease pit. Even the cat won't go there to get her toys. That will be for tomorrow, especially when W and S17 are out at the store.
Taking on those extra tasks might just show what weight I can and do carry around here when I am away for two weeks. If not, then not, at least the place is clean.

Seems as W still takes Escitalopram....pharmacy called twice that it is ready for pickup and she told me how convoluted the process was to get the refill.

Or is this really only because she stopped drinking? Not having your head fogged up for half the day surely could make a difference. Maybe it is also that she will start her job soon. Anyway, I am happy for her and the more she feels better and has more self-value the less she probably blames me for all the evil in the world. Even if not, it can only be better for her.

I wait a tad longer and the take a trip to the mall to start my writing. Somewhat tired, but I want to move on the idea I have in mind. When I get back I will sort in some stamps, even if it is only a few. It will give me a sense of accomplishment.


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married in 2000
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For those interested...Computerworld has a nice article about the special things that come with Google Fi:
https://www.computerworld.com/article/3323068/google-fi-project-fi.html

What sold me on it is that I finally have voicemail on my smartphone, unlimited text, no contract, works with my el-cheapo phone, price, and that it will work in Germany. Calling will not be unlimited in Germany and the cost of 20c/minute is not cheap, but for the few calls I expect to make ti will work fine. Nice thing, texting will still be free and unlimited even abroad, data will cost the same (10$/GB, but only charges the amount used down to 1MB increments or sth). The SIM is for free (unlike others), activation took three tries, but eventually worked. And for reasons unknown to me I am in for a 20$ credit for using a referral code. No idea what they are talking about, but when Google gives me 20$ I don't ask too many questions.
It is a Google service and they will collect data about you, but that happens with any Android phone already. Fi is also available for iPhones.

OK, commercial is over, resume the scheduled programming.


me: 45 wife: 44
son: 13 son: 17
married in 2000
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DaveK Offline OP
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Weekend was not bad. W never talked about drinking again, but more about things she needs and wants to do in the future. Yea, mostly chores and appointments, but she didn't used to think that far ahead. She did go to the store today, did not make it to the second store, but that's OK. She said she does not feel well and will go to the second store tomorrow. She has to go to the DMV anyway, her license will expire soon and although the reminders come in for quite a while she didn't go. Tomorrow is her last chance because she won't get time off from work for the next six months.
While I was at the gym she sent me a message asking quite nicely if I can get her NyQuil. I did not respond, but did go to the store (right next to the gym) and got her that stuff. She does have a nasty cold with a lot of coughing, but I also wonder if that is her means to get her hands on at least a wee bit of alc. But even if she downs the whole bottle, the 10% alc in that smaller amount are a heckuva lot less than what she used to take in.
Made veggie and chicken soup tonight. Went rather heavy on the veggies. Has kale, california blend, and shredded brussel sprouts in it. I added a good dose of potato and barley. W brought mini tortellinis from the store and those were indeed a really nice addition. The chicken was doused in paprika, pepper, smoked salt, and garlic powder. On its own it was already darn good. I made sure that I rinsed out all the tasty bits from the pan into the stock pot with the soup.

Now my limbs are hurting from gym and cooking. Sitting here eating chips, drinking fruit punch, and listening to Guano Apes.

Wow! After typing the last sentence this thought parked itself in my mind: Life is good! smile


me: 45 wife: 44
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Sounds like a good day. Don't let you expectations get too high or you're setting yourself up for a let down.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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