Brave Little Gerda Faces the Icy Game of Reason

[HaWho]

Gerda- I think it was very wise of you to secure a more aggressive lawyer. I went the same route and it gave me the peace of mind that I had some relentless fighting for me.

I am sorry to hear about your son. But it is to be expected given that changes do impact their lives.

We all need to remember that we cannot control the actions of other people. We can’t stop certain things from happening but we can choose how we respond.

You will get through this. Take it moment by moment.

[Gordie]

I am praying for you too.

I know you are in a dark place but you are not letting the darkness overwhelm you.

Yes, let Saint Rita be your companion.

Happy Easter.

[Grace21]

Gerda - just stopping by to let you know I'm thinking about you, and praying for peaceful days. Hugs

[Gerda]

Hi, Roist -- Thanks for sticking up for me with the "little" -- but in fact it is a point of pride for me, it is the character I see myself as in the story I love, from which I got my screen name. If you click on the link at the start of each of my thread, you will see which part of the story I am using each time.

Also I am a pretty tiny little lady physically. People are always surprised when I mention my actual height because I appear to be taller -- big personality. And I like to wear shoes that give a little lift. : )

[Gerda]

Babe, I printed this out that first time I read it and have kept it in my little pile of scriptures I go to when I need to refocus. I was so happy you stopped by my thread, and loved what you sent.

[Gerda]

DnJ -- humbled? I wonder what this is about; will you say? Well, people keep telling you you are wise, so it can go to your head. But maybe that's not what you mean. I feel like such a worm most of the time, I think I stay pretty humble but I am also very confident and have a big personality, so out in the world I think I am seen as arrogant at times. None of those people see my on the floor of the church, humble pie.

Have been reading up on your thread, your fun parties, your wonderful kids, W. I always have this image of her in my mind as this razor-thin reed of a lost looking woman running past, biking past, lost, eyes darting about. I have this mix of feelings when I get that image, of being really mad at her and wanting to yell at her to wake up before it's too late, and wanting to just make her a really soft bed and bring her some soup and tell her to lay down and heal.

[Gerda]

Thanks, HaWho. I know our stories have a lot in common, and I really appreciate your stopping by here and encouraging me.

In this case, my new lawyer is definitely more aggressive but also I think the issue was that my other lawyer was completely and totally shafting me. She was going through a troubling divorce herself and I think she just totally abandoned me. I thought it was normal how long it was taking, but now that I have a real lawyer, I realize I was totally shafted. For more on that, though, see what I am about to post from my H.

[Gerda]

Gordie, stop by anytime. I feel such a lift when I read your words and know that you are praying for me! You and your W are always in my prayers. Don't forget that God loves to do His work most when it seems totally impossible. Keep believing that he can reach your W!

[Gerda]

Grace, thank you! I have been stopping by your thread as well and you are always in my prayers. I think it's great that you are training yourself not to rush God. I think you are still hoping to solve this or fix this or know the answer. It's so hard not to do that, believe me, I do it too. It's only recently, when things have become so horrifyingly impossible and awful through this divorce court nightmare, that I have come to understand that only God can fix this, if that's His will, and that I truly have to let go. It has been freeing in some ways, even though my circumstances are perhaps worse than ever. Love to you, my friend!

[Gerda]

Well I would like to post about a couple of incredible things God did for me yesterday at divorce court but I don't really have time to write about that so I will just post a darker thing. My H was in a fury yesterday at court because of the back and forth and my L being late. It took forever to draft the custody thing in the hallway, etc. So he wrote me a text afterwards that said -- "It's fun to pay lawyers $2000 today to do nothing -- both inept retards. Please stop wasting time and money. It's wounding." I thought this was pretty funny considering that I have tried many times to get him to stop using lawyers and not force court on me. Also because he is unable to see how hurt/wounded I am this entire time of MLC, it's as if I am not a person at all.

But I have really stopped talking to him at all, and tonight for the first time I actually did not answer him when he spoke to me, and he got really enraged. He was pretty drunk and offered me wine in this really aggressive way, and especially aggressive as he knows I don't really drink. And then started going off on our lawyers, who are both Jewish, referring to that and to my aligning myself with them, I guess insinuating that because I was Jewish before I was uniting myself with them. I was almost laughing to myself about it, not only because it's so absurd in general or because I don't want any of this and even tried to be pro se, but also because his lawyer is such a complete and total a-hole and vicious nasty man, I can't even look at him without wretching. I would rather align myself with a greasy rat from the subway than even share the same hallway with that man. He is quite a large man also, and I call him "Jabba the Hutt" to my friends. But I got a bit nervous as H got so enraged and wouldn't stop even though I wouldn't answer, I was trying to do the dishes but had to leave the room as I was getting really anxious about it and a little fearful. So I stayed up in my room, got my daughter to bed, and then got the e-mail below, which was to me and to both of our lawyers.

Just as background I will say that my first lawyer really was doing absolutely nothing all this time. But we started in October, so it hasn't been a year. And my new L has only been on the case for two weeks and already got a custody agreement signed. He is next going to push for a settlement to get him out; and if he can't, he will file a motion to get him out. His L meanwhile subpoenaed all our credit card companies, etc., to get the records, because my H has convinced him that I am hiding something and will not listen when I say that he is a joint account holder on everything and can get any record he wants, anytime. His L, in other words, is siphoning all that he can, and all paid for as a loan from my kids' godfather, against H's share in our house, I guess.

So what I mean is that everything he writes below is a total projection. You all know me a little bit, and you know that I am just trying to keep walking in the light, to stay true to my vows despite what he is doing, to try to accept what I can't change. I don't fight, I don't ask him for anything, I just try to protect my kids. So it's so weird -- even the "narcotic" thing below, when I am the most sober lady around, and he is drunk on wine and sleeping pills every night! And I think he actually thinks that he can on his own, without a trial, convince the judge of something about me that will make her "decide" about something, I am not sure what, but I guess to get him his money.

Hey, all— let’s sign, and stop granulating and dickering to subatomic levels — levels that make lawyers a lot of money, levels that don’t matter — so we can pretend that it’s not (Gerda's?) a dupe show, and so we can pretend that we actually got one thing done (custody) in a whole year, and move on.

Do you all realize that a year has passed and not one single thing has been accomplished?

The court knows it. I like the court. I want to go back into the court to let the court decide. Firmly.

It’s Gerda’s narcotic dream come true... dragging nothing into oblivion. And Gerda’s narcotic dream is the dream come true of lawyers. Let’s get out of dupe dreams —a mirage-ethos of litigious dickering — and into reality, please, I beg you all to wake up and actually do something.

Please get one thing and then another thing accomplished. We have not even in a year got one thing behind us, and the invoices keep coming.

- H