Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 11 1 2 3 4 10 11
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,654
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,654
Hello Gerda,

Something I have been wondering about but never took the time to ask you, but why do you use the adjective "little" before Gerda in your thread titles? From a neutral reader, me, that seems like you are putting yourself down. The same thread title without this word comes across much more positively. I am just curious.

As for your recent couch encounter, don't beat yourself up about how you reacted and what you said/asked. I understand that it would probably have been nice to have something happen but maybe best that nothing did, without you being sure it was "real" and/or for you. If it was for you, another occasion will come. If not take back out the patience shovel job gives us all at the beginning of our journey. Either way don't dwell on it and don't remind H of it unless he brings it up.

Sorry I have missed where you explained you saying goodbye. Sometimes it is helpful to take a step back from here. This place although a huge support network, does keep us focused on the the pain of our M and that of others. Make the most of your time away. Best wishes


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
roist,

Gerda is just taking a little break, i.e., giving up posting on the forum for Lent. She'll be back around Easter. However, people can continue to post to provide her the support she needs and she will be so surprised to see that we are still posting even though she's taken a break for just a wee bit of time.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 4,645
Likes: 472
D
DnJ Online
Member
Online
Member
D
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 4,645
Likes: 472
Hello Gerda

Strange to write to you when I fully expect you not to read this for at least another thirty days.

So to future Gerda. I had figured I would post around half away through lent, however one quarter seems ok too. I suspect the first ten days were more difficult than the last thirty.

I have confidence in your strength of faith, will, and determination. Although I do wonder a bit about all you are releasing for lent, I do believe in your ability and desire to see it through.

Know you were thought of during this break.

Keep walking in the light.

DnJ


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 657
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 657
Hello Gerda. I will chime in with DnJ, and let you know I am certainly thinking about you every time I pray my Trust Novena, and then some. Hope your Lenten journey delivers you to a place of renewal, with clear thinking and peace.


M: 56
H: 57
S: 22
D: 20

H Moved out: 10/1/18
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,654
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,654
Hi Gerda

Best wishes for the rest of lent. Hope you come back refreshed and in good form.


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,437
Likes: 12
G
Gerda Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,437
Likes: 12
Hello, Everyone -- I had a very intense Lent, and the intensity continues. I am deep on my path looking for God and asking Him to find me. I lurked once in a while and it was like looking through a tunnel back at a past self, it was strange, but I guess it is a detachment from the boards. DnJ, I saw your threads and you probably know what my reaction to that was so I won't say here but I am thinking of you and praying for you. Andrew, you wrote something to DnJ that was amazing, it was one time I felt like we had a similar outlook and your words helped me in my own journey. Roist, SBJ, Sjohn and Grace -- Love to you all. And Job, my DB mom, I think of you often and often repeated your words to myself these last 46 days. You are still a light to me.

Gordie, I think of you so much. I am praying for you and hope that you are staying away for the best of reasons.

I have a new lawyer, had to fire my other one and battle her until she gave most of my retainer back. She tried to keep most of it. I dug my teeth in and wouldn't let go and she got scared and gave it back, I hired a lawyer I liked from my other court case, but I was scared of him before because he didn't understand that I was standing for my marriage. Now things have gotten so awful that I realized I need someone a bit more cutthroat -- and a man to fight those vicious men -- so I think it will be better and maybe even get settled one of these days. Things with my H have reached a fever pitch of horrible, he NEVER leaves the house anymore, is always on that couch reading, spending time with D in this very cloying way, and sent my S the most disturbing text ever (including the line, "I am utterly in love with you") I had no temptation to post during Lent except once -- the morning of my last court date, when my H just hung out at home all day, right to the last minute when we both had to leave for court. I mostly don't speak to him but sometimes I am kind, esp in front of my D, as they have been getting very close, at least in the weird way you can get close to a crazy person. He is clearly deeply confused. Does not want to leave clearly but always says he does, often it is clear that he has been crying and sometimes speaks to me as if he wants to hang out a little, but whenever I have opened the door even a crack, he monsters, viciously, horribly, tries to break me. Sometimes succeeds. But I am so close to God now, it is always clear to me that I have to go to Him, there is no other way to heal the wound. H says he won't leave until he gets all of his money. But my new lawyer assures me that he has to leave, and soon, and will file a motion if he can't negotiate a first payout to get him to go. My goal is to get him out, and then buy as much time as I can to negotiate the actual division of assets. I have gotten my confidence back, and I am trying to make various wheels and deals to be able to keep my business and cut all financial ties to H.

I spend a lot of time on my knees in church and pray a lot to Saint Rita --the prayer I use starts, "I have recourse to you since I am engulfed by a trial." I always start to cry when I say those words, but in a good way, like crying on her shoulder. I don't know what will happen but I will say I feel a lot closer to God, have cut out a lot of distractions, have gotten really into music again and even work on my writing sometime even though I work so much I truly don't have time. My son has totally regressed into the way he was last year, so that is my worst cross, but I am trying to just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I don't know what will happen to me if my H sees this D to its end. But I think that nothing has changed for me. I see that God is with me in this furnace, and he invites me not to change my stand. And He knows of my temptations and that I am relying on Him to forgive me when I need it, and to remove things from my life that He does not want.

I want my H out and I want him to go far far away. But I don't see myself dating or ending my stand. I still consider any of those temptations as adulterous and they are to me a dark side of myself that I would not bring into my kids' lives. I am not judging anyone here, please do not flame! I am just explaining what I have learned during this intense time I have been spending with God. I realize who I am, the ugliness and the good, and I am just showing myself to God as myself, even the parts I am ashamed of.

Sending love to all. I will try to stay away from the boards, I need to rely on God only, but I think of you all and pray for you and I will keep checking on you.

Last edited by Gerda; 04/24/19 10:36 PM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 185
Likes: 3
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 185
Likes: 3
Garda, this is for you - it is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not (lamentation 3:22)

Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
Gerda,

I am glad you returned to post an update. I am very relieved/happy that you fired your lawyer and got another one. He may be the one to get your h out of the house in the very near future. He sounds like he is a man who will do whatever it takes to protect his client's well being.

I am so sorry to read that your son has regressed. Hopefully, your situation will turn a corner and your son can recover the ground he has lost due to the stress/tension of what is happening in your home.

The unusual bond that your h has w/your daughter is a bit strange, but they do tend to "lock on" to one child and treat them as best buds. His comment to her worries me just a wee bit. Hopefully it was his way of saying that he loves his daughter and nothing more.

I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong and try to remain positive.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 4,645
Likes: 472
D
DnJ Online
Member
Online
Member
D
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 4,645
Likes: 472
Good Morning Gerda

Wow. You sound great!

Confident and assured. Proud of you!

Things with H do sound very strained and horrible. His confusion is plain to see in his actions, words, and writings.

I believe you have made a great choice in replacing your lawyer. It sounds like you have much more respect for his abilities to get the job done. Your plan on getting H out, negotiating division of assets, keeping your business, and such - awesome! You sound well grounded.

It is nice to see you “really” got back into music again. Coincidentally I did the same. Singing in the car again, playing the piano, even bringing out the accordion, and going over to the personal care home to play for Dad and the other residents.

I have my passions back. I have my freedom. I will not let anyone rob me of those again (well hopefully). smile It turns out the person who stole my passions - was me.

Dating. I understand your view. No flaming from me.

I am rather humbled as of late. Good thing too, I was dipping into the sin of pride. God is where power and wisdom comes from, not me. I needed a little readjustment. smile

I am glad you are following along, and completely understand your need to stay away.

DnJ


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 657
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 657
Gerda - I have thought about you often during Lent, and pray for you. Switching gears with your new lawyer will hopefully move things forward for you. It sounds like it might be time. I perfectly understand your comments on dating, and you will get no flaming from me. Living your life as God guides you will ultimately bring you peace. The journey is long sometimes, and as you know in God's time, but He is there for you every step of the way. We are too should you ever need us.

Hugs.

Grace


M: 56
H: 57
S: 22
D: 20

H Moved out: 10/1/18
Page 2 of 11 1 2 3 4 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard