Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 6 of 11 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 10 11
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
Likes: 1
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by Bo562
I really, seriously thought she was (and we were) better than this. When I was dating, I wanted to find someone who is a faithful Catholic and who doesn’t believe in divorce


My XW is Catholic, not devout by any means but when we got married she was absolutely 100% committed to the end, or so she thought at the time. Her mom is extremely devout, a very strong believer in marriage (she stuck by her first husband through horrible suffering in MS and her 2nd through terrible struggles with diabetes as well) and I suspect counseled her to work on the M. To no avail. In the end the WAS's urges to leave the M will overpower any religious/ spiritual beliefs they have almost every time. WAS's have a very effective rationalization hamster that is always hard at work, it could go something like this- "I am miserable in this M and God wants me to be happy, so God would want me to get divorced and God would tell me it is best for all of us, even the kids." In the end they will have themselves believing that God drove them to leave the M, that it's God's will. There is pretty much nothing they can't rationalize their way out of.

Quote
One thing I’ve given much thought to, and could write a much longer post about, is that if this goes through, what would I want from a dating partner, and potential remarriage. I sometimes wonder if I asked too much of a marriage partner. I also have wondered if I would potentially be happy (or happier) with another woman who is not necessarily Catholic—a Protestant Christian, or someone of another faith tradition, or perhaps even atheist / agnostic; as long as this woman is sympathetic or ‘do no harm’ towards my beliefs or the beliefs I wish to instill in the boys until they are of age to decide for themselves.


That's a journey you have to travel for sure. My GF is so vastly different than the type of girls I dated before getting married. No filter, no hiding, no faking anything. You know just where you stand with her for better or worse, LOL! You know exactly what kind of mood she's in. I'm not saying she's better than my XW, but things are just more open and honest and straightforward. I think after BD, S and D I was subconsciously seeking that without even really realizing it. I'm just tired of all the cloak-and-dagger WAS crap.

Quote
Thanks, TF. Right now I just want to crawl into a hole. But then I realize that things will probably get much, much worse before they get better.


If it's any consolation, I think you've officially been through the worst of it. Getting served is kind of a mini BD, there's something about seeing your tattered marriage all laid out in black and white that really kicks you in the nads. D is no fun but I and many others here have said that when the D was finally over, we expected a mini BD but instead just felt a sense of relief, like a great weight had been lifted. A lot of our struggles with BD and the after math is fear of the unknown. Not knowing what your visitation will be, how the kids will handle things, how your job will go, what's going to happen with your living arrangements, etc. etc. Once you resolve these things then there's really no "unknown" to fear anymore. You work it out, you realize you can indeed do this, and then you say "OK, this isn't such a bad deal after all." It's part of dropping the rope.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 536
B
Bo562 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 536
Originally Posted by AnotherStander

In the end the WAS's urges to leave the M will overpower any religious/ spiritual beliefs they have almost every time. WAS's have a very effective rationalization hamster that is always hard at work, it could go something like this- "I am miserable in this M and God wants me to be happy, so God would want me to get divorced and God would tell me it is best for all of us, even the kids." In the end they will have themselves believing that God drove them to leave the M, that it's God's will. There is pretty much nothing they can't rationalize their way out of.


Yup. I love the visualization of the ‘rationalization hamster’—because it’s true. I recall a similar sentiment that I previously wanted to comment on (below):

Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Heh! It's amazing how fast a WAS (whether man or woman) will throw out their "moral standards" for a little fling no matter how staunchly religious they were before. They can find a thousand ways to justify their behavior to God and everyone else.


This is pretty much W right now. Although I’m still not sure if there is a ‘fling’ (I don’t know and will probably never know, though I’ve had my suspicions and it wouldn’t surprise me).

W really, truly believes that this is best for the kids. I’ve witnessed how pouty and upset OS gets when Mommy isn’t around—when she gets home late from work, or goes away on work trips. D isn’t going to help this, but I can’t control his responses or her actions.


Originally Posted by AnotherStander
That's a journey you have to travel for sure. My GF is so vastly different than the type of girls I dated before getting married. No filter, no hiding, no faking anything. You know just where you stand with her for better or worse, LOL! You know exactly what kind of mood she's in. I'm not saying she's better than my XW, but things are just more open and honest and straightforward. I think after BD, S and D I was subconsciously seeking that without even really realizing it. I'm just tired of all the cloak-and-dagger WAS crap.


Is it bad that part of me is kinda looking forward to this, though? I do look back and wonder ‘well, what if I dated or married so-and-so?’ I know I can make myself crazy with the what-ifs, so it’s a cheeseless tunnel that is not worth pursuing, although it does creep into my head every now and then.

That said, if I’m serious about dating / re-marrying a devout Catholic woman, I’ll have to work on getting this annulled. Yeah, I’m not sure how well that will work out, though I would hope that God (and the tribunal!) would look with favor and mercy on the spouse that was left-behind instead of the initiator of the D (at least, that’s my internal hope). Part of the discussion I had with my priest confessor earlier this week during our schoolwide Lenten confession services focused on my sitch, and I told him about W. He works in priestly formation for the diocese, and he did say to me that since W did not display openness to life (with respect to the pregnancy with YS), I *could* be on to something for an annulment. Obviously, there are no guarantees, and he could be looking at this all wrong, but if this is true, then there may be some hope. But then again, I’ve dated / pursued some devout Catholic women in my past, and they’ve turned out to be kinda nuts—something in their personality turns after a while, and they totally change on me. So I have to wonder if my so-called ‘type’ is really good for me. That will be part of my discernment.

It’s interesting you mention ‘filter’—W wanted me to work on my ‘filter’ during our MR, and I’ve become much more ‘filtered’ in my speech and mannerisms (teaching helps—I tell my students it’s called ‘professionalism’). My family (especially my mom’s side), has very weak filters, and they tend to say what’s on their minds, and give strong opinions. When I’m around them (as well as my friends from back home in OH), my filter drops, too, and I become more like them. One of the reasons why she never liked visiting them or being around them. One thing I guess I can realize is that since W is a native Southerner (ATL), Southerners tend to be more passive-aggressive with displaying their sentiments—they have strong opinions, too—but they tend to display their dislike in more covert fashion, and tend to talk bad around others’ backs.

Originally Posted by AnotherStander
If it's any consolation, I think you've officially been through the worst of it. Getting served is kind of a mini BD, there's something about seeing your tattered marriage all laid out in black and white that really kicks you in the nads.


AS, you’ve been right about so so much on my thread (and in general), and I hope and trust you’re right about this, too. I haven’t fully read my D papers yet—I’ve seen at different places on the forum about reading them when you’re ready, so I’ll wait a little bit—not too long, of course. I mean, how much rejection have I dealt with the last year or so—what’s reading about a little bit more?

Originally Posted by AnotherStander
A lot of our struggles with BD and the after math is fear of the unknown. Not knowing what your visitation will be, how the kids will handle things, how your job will go, what's going to happen with your living arrangements, etc. etc. Once you resolve these things then there's really no "unknown" to fear anymore. You work it out, you realize you can indeed do this, and then you say "OK, this isn't such a bad deal after all." It's part of dropping the rope.


THIS. I’m admittedly nervous about visitation—I’m scared that the courts would give her what she wants for visitation (sole custody for the next 6 months while breast-feeding; then every other weekend and Wed—Fri weekly). Even though I’ve been told (by L, and by family who have been through this) that the courts would equalize visitation, and I’m sure the courts will hear about her travel plans, and how much I care for them when W’s running around for work. I am concerned with how OS will handle things (as expressed above); YS is much too young to know anything different, though, I love his cheerfulness, happiness and laughter. YS is such a happy baby, and such a gift—I’m glad we gave him the name we did, which means ‘laughter,’ because it fits him to a T. Living arrangements I’m also admittedly insecure about, but I have been looking forward to what I would make my future place like. I’m not terribly worried about my job per se—in January when W originally presented to me the parenting plan, she asked me if I was worried how this would affect my job, because I teach morality / ethics. I told her “I’m not the one asking for a divorce.”

I do realize that I’m fairly young (36 next month), and although I know I do have things to work on, I do have a lot to offer someone else down the road (hopefully). What is the expression? “Be so good they can’t ignore you.”


M: 36
W: 30
T: 9
M: 7

S6 (OS)
S7mo (YS)

ILYBINILWY BD: Feb. ‘18

W Wants S / D BD: 1/4/19

H / W still in-house

D papers from W: 3/14/19
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 536
B
Bo562 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 536
/journaling

Drinking a Rum and Coke (Mexican, non-HFCS Coke) with lime and eating a slice of boysenberry pie with Cool Whip. Yum.

Today I feel was a taste of my likely life as a single dad. After an oil change appointment for my car, I came home and made OS and I some lunch, and then I fed YS his lunch.

All 3 of us went down the street to the library book sale (our local library has really amazing book sales--probably helps that we live in a fairly well-off neighborhood, so there are always lots of really good donations that sell for super cheap). I bought some books for myself and to use in my courses, but also a couple of books each for OS and YS. YS wanted to be held close to me pretty much the whole time at the book sale and library--for probably at least 2 hours, I carried him while navigating the rows of books for sale (outdoors and inside), as well as carrying him in the library while he sang / talked and chewed my fingers (he's teething and loves to chow on my fingers--I absolutely love that he does that). We then came back home, where W spent some time with them and eventually fed YS, while I showered.

W then left to go out with co-workers / work friends, and I then packed up the boys to head out, too. We went to the local 99-Cents Only Store (SoCal people would more understand this--it's a dollar store, but a pretty neat one, I think). We tooled around for a bit, bought some things, and YS fell asleep in the car seat on the cart. Chick-fil-A was our next stop for dinner--YS napped, but then woke up, and was super fussy, so after some attempts at dinner for him (bottle and fruit purees) and some play time in the playplace for OS, we came back home and got them ready for bed.

Both boys are bathed, dressed for bed, story and prayers for OS, bottle-feeding and walking around for YS, and it sounds like they are both sleeping, which is nice.

Shopping at the 99-Cents Only Store made me think about what things would be like in the event that our D goes through--getting staples at the store, getting cheapo stuff (like kitchen gadgets and other whatnot) to outfit whatever place I end up living in.

GAL has been okay for me--mainly right now just doing swimming in the pool at school. I swam 4 days this week, and it was great. It's good to get some of that aggression / angst out, good to see current and former students who are on the swim and water polo teams, it's good exercise that is easier on my body compared to running, and a doctor told me once that it's better for me than running because I have asthma (the air is more moist near the surface of the pool). Plus, it works out my upper-body more, which is a bonus. Next week is the Religious Ed Congress in Anaheim, which will also hopefully help with GAL some at least--basically, a convention for people who work in parish work / teaching for the Catholic Church. Seminars, prayer experiences, vendors--all sorts of good stuff.

A close female friend of mine from grad school (who was also YS' baptismal sponsor / godparent) will be flying in from Chicago later this week and will be staying with us. She has absolutely no clue what is going on between W and I (or should I start referring to her as STBXW?) I feel terrible (well, many things about this make me feel terrible), but at some point her and my other friends will eventually have to find out. Not looking forward to that, but that day is approaching closer and closer.

Welp, off to grade some and take advantage of the relative peace and quiet around here. Pie is eaten, but still have the drink to go. Tomorrow is church and Sunday School for OS--have a good one, DB land!


M: 36
W: 30
T: 9
M: 7

S6 (OS)
S7mo (YS)

ILYBINILWY BD: Feb. ‘18

W Wants S / D BD: 1/4/19

H / W still in-house

D papers from W: 3/14/19
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,666
Likes: 1
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,666
Likes: 1
Quote
One thing I’ve given much thought to, and could write a much longer post about, is that if this goes through, what would I want from a dating partner, and potential remarriage. I sometimes wonder if I asked too much of a marriage partner. I also have wondered if I would potentially be happy (or happier) with another woman who is not necessarily Catholic—a Protestant Christian, or someone of another faith tradition, or perhaps even atheist / agnostic; as long as this woman is sympathetic or ‘do no harm’ towards my beliefs or the beliefs I wish to instill in the boys until they are of age to decide for themselves. During undergrad, I know that I drew the attention and affection of young women of non-Catholic traditions—but I wanted to date / marry a Catholic girl. /sigh. This could be a longer post, but this is the Cliffs Notes version of my thoughts on the topic for now.


First let me say how sorry I am that you are in so much pain. I think the paragraph above is your pain talking. Maybe you are questioning yourself a lot, like if you had not been so intent on marrying a woman with the same religious beliefs, and just chose one who was a kind moral person it would have been better.

Well, the longer I live the more I believe in being equally yoked. smile The more you have that pulls the couple in two separate paths, the more potential problems for the relationship. I mean, just look how difficult it is for blended families. When you start considering different backgrounds, different race and/or cultures, different religious beliefs.........you've got some big, big challenges ahead. I think the more you have in common....the better chance the MR has in lasting.

Your W was is one accord with you and the church's teachings about having children.........that is, until she had to go through it. I don't how many religions teach natural family planning, but I don't think there are as many modern women who practice it, as there once were. That's just my observation, of course. Anyway, you look at how disappointed you were at your W's change of view point after she had her first child and how angry she became at you after becoming pregnant the second time........and you could not really bring yourself to use birth control, so how do you think that will work if you should M a woman who does not share the same views about family planning? I mean, if there is one thing a man and wife should agree on is whether or not to use birth control.

This is just one issue, but it's a big one. It's an important one to you, and whoever you choose to M. So, I suggest you stay within your religious faith when it comes to dating. I think your strongest love is for your faith......and I think you would not feel complete if you could not fully practice what you believe.


((hugs))


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 536
B
Bo562 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 536
Originally Posted by sandi2
First let me say how sorry I am that you are in so much pain. I think the paragraph above is your pain talking. Maybe you are questioning yourself a lot, like if you had not been so intent on marrying a woman with the same religious beliefs, and just chose one who was a kind moral person it would have been better.


Thanks, Sandi (((hugs))). I agree that at least part of this is pain talking....although some of it I’m sure is regret. I am totally questioning myself.

Originally Posted by sandi2
Well, the longer I live the more I believe in being equally yoked. smile The more you have that pulls the couple in two separate paths, the more potential problems for the relationship. I mean, just look how difficult it is for blended families. When you start considering different backgrounds, different race and/or cultures, different religious beliefs.........you've got some big, big challenges ahead. I think the more you have in common....the better chance the MR has in lasting.


What I find to be a sick joke in my sitch is that I really, truly thought that I tried to minimize risk in my MR. I find a nice Catholic girl who more or less shares what I believe. That is why I only seriously dated Catholic young women. While nothing is ever truly foolproof, I thought I did my best in trying to ensure things stood a (relatively) good chance of lasting.

I dated a girl in grad school who used the phrase ‘equally yoked,’ and sometimes I say that to my students to describe my efforts to ensure that my classes are in similar places. I do see the value and virtue of being equally yoked, and I understand that having different worldviews (especially with respect to religion, but not solely that) can make things very difficult.

Originally Posted by sandi2
I don't how many religions teach natural family planning, but I don't think there are as many modern women who practice it, as there once were. That's just my observation, of course.


While I’m not exactly interested in having a discussion about the relative merits and theology behind planning births, NFP is predominantly (but not exclusively) practiced by Catholics. A number of non-Catholics also practice it, because of concerns from various forms of birth control (effects of hormonal contraception, IUDs, etc.) You are correct in the sense that comparatively speaking, not many women practice it, and usually the woman in the relationship tends to be the driving force behind pursuing NFP (in my MR, it was different).

Originally Posted by sandi2
Anyway, you look at how disappointed you were at your W's change of view point after she had her first child and how angry she became at you after becoming pregnant the second time........and you could not really bring yourself to use birth control, so how do you think that will work if you should M a woman who does not share the same views about family planning? I mean, if there is one thing a man and wife should agree on is whether or not to use birth control.


You are correct—yes, H and W should be on the same page with this.

Originally Posted by sandi2
This is just one issue, but it's a big one. It's an important one to you, and whoever you choose to M. So, I suggest you stay within your religious faith when it comes to dating. I think your strongest love is for your faith......and I think you would not feel complete if you could not fully practice what you believe.


Luckily, I ‘have the gift of time’ to figure this one out. I probably have at least the next 18 months before I could seriously contemplate dating again (6-ish months for D, a year or so to figure myself out). However, in looking over my D papers, W has put the separation date as January 4th, so maybe I can back that timeline up. [Hey, trying to find some semblance of a bright side here. :-) ]

I do appreciate the suggestion. With my students, we are on the 1st Commandment—no false gods, and putting God first. I guess I’m going to find out what that really means for me in my life.

What I’m concerned about is—what if I can’t ever find someone else? Would I be undateable, or not marriage material for someone else (setting aside the question on annulments for the time being)? I know I should find happiness in myself first before another relationship with another woman—I get that, but the fear is there nonetheless, and I think it’s somewhat reasonable to have the fear and name it. Like I posted earlier: did I expect too much from a marriage partner? Or did I just choose poorly? Or did W change in a way that I could never have predicted, and it’s pointless to speculate?


M: 36
W: 30
T: 9
M: 7

S6 (OS)
S7mo (YS)

ILYBINILWY BD: Feb. ‘18

W Wants S / D BD: 1/4/19

H / W still in-house

D papers from W: 3/14/19
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 536
B
Bo562 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 536
/journaling

Apparently, according to W’s filing, we’ve been separated since January 4th (mentioned in prior post). Well okay then. Maybe this just means I’m that much closer to putting myself back out there for someone else—I’m only half-kidding. Bright side, right?

Emailed L the paperwork late Friday—she won’t be able to do much with it until Monday, so we’ll see. There should be a phone convo in my fairly-immediate future.

I’m still soaking up time with the boys—especially YS. I’ve been carrying him around a lot—he loves that, and like I mentioned yesterday, he wanted me to carry him around while at the library and book sale. YS took a catnap on me late this afternoon while I carried him around. I know I need to cherish these moments more and more. It’s also moments like that that make me feel useful, needed and loved by the boys, but especially by YS.

Whenever we’ve been going out to the store, I’ve been finding myself more and more thinking about the goods in the store from the vantage point of what I would need for my own place / living on my own. At the grocery: what kind of meals could I do for myself, what kinds of home goods would I need? I’ve also been finding myself wondering about stuff at the current residence—what about our plates and silverware (both wedding gifts that I love)—who would get what?

For the upcoming Religious Ed Congress, I signed up for a workshop called ‘Contemplative Dating’ (I mentioned this some time ago). It’s probably more geared to singles, but I’m sure the tactics could also apply in marriage, too. My friend from grad school (I’ll call her FF) who is flying in from Chi-Town to go to the Congress asked me what sessions I’d be going to—I put off the question because I didn’t want to answer questions or spill the beans about my choosing this session. Welp—I’m probably going to have to say something about the session. What, exactly, should I tell her? The truth about W (or STBXW?) and I? Suggestions welcome.

Tomorrow during work? Planning on going for a swim—my prep period leads off the day, and I can take advantage of the time between the faculty meeting and the official beginning time of class (I can gloss over announcements and our student-produced TV segment, as I’m not conducting class).

I’m probably not totally detached, but I’ve just been finding myself pretty much done with W’s snark and sarcasm towards me. I really don’t need her commentary towards me. She has had very little that is kind directed at me for some time—I know in my thread it’s been talked about giving her something to come back to, which I get and I can only focus on what I say and how I respond to her remarks. However, something I do think about, after being on this forum, is the idea that she may be trying to tell me things (that she wants me to do or work on) behind the snark. Of course, I could be wrong about this one. We barely talk to each other, and when she does talk to me, a lot of it is snark and sarcasm and often said in what I perceive as a belittling tone. I’m kinda at the point right now that if it weren’t for the boys, I would have wanted to be done long ago. Of course, I am speaking out of some anger and hurt right now, so maybe that’s not productive.


M: 36
W: 30
T: 9
M: 7

S6 (OS)
S7mo (YS)

ILYBINILWY BD: Feb. ‘18

W Wants S / D BD: 1/4/19

H / W still in-house

D papers from W: 3/14/19
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
Likes: 309
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
Likes: 309
B,

I want to start off by saying that I think you do a really good job at GAL. As we discussed in the past I would recommend you start to increase your efforts in the excercise arena.

Now 180s IMO you need to focus on. Being and living alone and taking care of your young children. When I read your journaling I get the impression that you need a woman to take care of you. I pick up from your writings that you may struggle just to be able to feed the kids and you. I suggest you table the dating for now, learn to stand on your own and take care of your kids for at least a year. Your still very young and have a life time to worry about another relationship.

As for your W, remember boundaries. Don't let her talk to you like that.

Just out of curiosity, what are her snarky remarks about? Could be potential 180s.

Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 536
B
Bo562 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 536
Originally Posted by LH19


I want to start off by saying that I think you do a really good job at GAL. As we discussed in the past I would recommend you start to increase your efforts in the excercise arena.


Thanks, LH. I’ll be hitting the pool again this morning. Perhaps I should swim for longer. Is that what you mean by increasing efforts in exercise arena, or am I off-target?

Originally Posted by LH19
Now 180s IMO you need to focus on. Being and living alone and taking care of your young children. When I read your journaling I get the impression that you need a woman to take care of you. I pick up from your writings that you may struggle just to be able to feed the kids and you.


I apologize if I give off that impression—that is not the impression I wish to convey. I have lived on my own before meeting W, and with W’s travels for work, I’ve learned to pick up a lot of the slack of taking care of myself and our oldest (then-only) son on my own. I’ve had to do it, though I’ll admit I didn’t always enjoy it early on, but over time (especially in the last year or so) I’ve learned to manage it better. I guess the change is mindset—learning to embrace it.

When on my own, for meal prep, I’ve learned to keep it simple (but tasty), tactics like loading / unloading dishwasher while OS is occupied and dinner is being made, so I can cut down on the post-dinner time I dedicate to clean-up, as well as packing OS’ lunch while I’m concurrently making dinner. Now that we have a 2nd child, I’ve been learning how to mix in getting YS’ bottles and lunch made, as well as getting bottles’ washed and cleaned. I have been treating nights last week (like last Tuesday and this past Saturday when she’s been out for work or being with friends) as a practice run for what is to come, so I’ve been trying to work on that. Maybe it doesn’t come through in my writings / postings.

Originally Posted by LH19
I suggest you table the dating for now, learn to stand on your own and take care of your kids for at least a year. Your still very young and have a life time to worry about another relationship.


Right—I agree.

Originally Posted by LH19
As for your W, remember boundaries. Don't let her talk to you like that.


Truth. Need to keep that in mind—set and enforce boundaries. I mean, what’s the worst she could do to me at this point? (Well, except get sole custody, or have the courts enforce her intended custody arrangement. Either of those would be awful in my eyes.).

Originally Posted by LH19
Just out of curiosity, what are her snarky remarks about? Could be potential 180s.


I wondered if this could be the case.

Yesterday at lunch, I fed YS, while W was eating, and then we switched off when she was done. As I was eating, YS kept looking back over my way and was visibly excited—he would make noises / squeal, kick his legs, and I made a comment that he must be excited because Daddy is eating lunch, too. (I am trying to keep PMA, but I also don’t want to risk arrogance. Here I was also try to have some fun.) W then tells me “it’s not always about you.”

Last night, before YS catnapped on me, I was carrying him around and I would talk in a baby voice from YS’ ‘perspective’—that particular instance, I said in a baby voice “I love my Daddy.” W overhears this and basically tells me that I need to watch myself saying that, and I also need to balance it with telling YS directly that I love him. The thing is, is that I do tell YS I love him—a lot, but I often say it in a much lower voice, and I often whisper it to him.

A lot of times recently her snark has been about my asking for clarifying remarks about something someone (either OS, or W) has said—but I wasn’t able to hear it. I’ve been asking ‘I’m sorry, what was that’ or ‘what is OS talking about’—and I’m either just-enough outside earshot that I can’t accurately hear it, or something else is distracting my hearing. In any event, can’t hear it.

Could be avenues for a 180–these are things to consider. Could be W getting bent for no reason.

Last edited by Bo562; 03/18/19 12:47 PM.

M: 36
W: 30
T: 9
M: 7

S6 (OS)
S7mo (YS)

ILYBINILWY BD: Feb. ‘18

W Wants S / D BD: 1/4/19

H / W still in-house

D papers from W: 3/14/19
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 536
B
Bo562 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 536
Originally Posted by LH19
When I read your journaling I get the impression that you need a woman to take care of you.


One more thing (won’t let me edit / include):

Also, within the last year or so, but especially since January, I’ve been trying to rely less and less on her for—well, anything, really. Especially the last couple of months, when she would ask me if she could help me with something, I would say “I’m good” and try to figure it out / do it on my own.

W likes to ‘fix,’ and she likes to assert control, which past a certain point I’ve never really found attractive, and a number of times during our MR I would tell her that, as a man, sometimes I just need to tinker or fix or yes even struggle with it on my own.

There is also a cold circulating through our house right now, and aside from my coughing / clearing my throat, I’ve not been saying anything about being sick or being tired or anything like that. W frequently talks about how tired she is.

LH, I truly appreciate your input and the impact you’ve made on me. If anything, I need more tough love / alpha male in my life, and I’ve been able to find some of it here. Thank you!


M: 36
W: 30
T: 9
M: 7

S6 (OS)
S7mo (YS)

ILYBINILWY BD: Feb. ‘18

W Wants S / D BD: 1/4/19

H / W still in-house

D papers from W: 3/14/19
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
Likes: 309
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
Likes: 309
Originally Posted by Bo562
Thanks, LH. I’ll be hitting the pool again this morning. Perhaps I should swim for longer. Is that what you mean by increasing efforts in exercise arena, or am I off-target?

Bo I want to start out by saying that I don't want to down play swimming because I think it's good exercise and if you enjoy it then great. But, didn't you talk about doing taekwondo or something? Weights are definitely a must. If you are running, start running in races. I ran a half marathon and do CrossFit and my friends talk about me like I'm a professional athlete lol. Get what I mean?

Page 6 of 11 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard