1) Some are still looking for the "love of their life", to settle down with that one person for the rest of their life.
2) Some don't want that kind of serious lifelong commitment but would like to have a steady dating partner.
3) Some don't want any commitment at all and just want to have fun with various dates with no obligation.
NOW - how you approach dating should depend on what your goals are. Someone who is a number 3 has NO BUSINESS dating a number 1 and should be responsible and stay away. If you're a number 3, try to find other number 3's to date. You'll both be happier. If you're a number 1, don't waste your time dating number 3's.
I completely agree with your assessment and I put myself as 1 and 3 with half of 2. lol
I am open to a serious relationship, but only after i meet the right one for me, and until then I am going to enjoy the journey of looking for that right person. I also look to date younger than my age, just because they are more open too all sorts of relationships, and I am also attracted to their freespirit and their lack of jadedness towards men.
Originally Posted by kml
As for the chasing business - I know, as a woman, it can scare me off if somebody comes on too strong right out of the gate. It makes you feel like they aren't falling for YOU but for their IDEA of you, their fantasy. And if you don't feel like you really know them well enough yet to make that assessment yourself, it's off-putting.
I agree with this too because too strong to me comes off also as needy. If you are needy you are just looking to fill a void and in the long run you are fooling yourself.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
FF I dated had our whole 6pm gym class of younger single women with no kids wanting to date him. (he was 9 years my junior) Turned out he was interested in me, the 9 year older divorced mom. Even though I was shocked he was interested in me, I did say yes when he asked me out. But the appeal of all these women wanting his had no say in that. It was actually miserable, I got a lot of shade from these women.
I am pretty simple. I am attracted to a funny guy who is personable and sweet. There aren't certain "games" that attract me. SOmeone trying to have too much game, well, that sure turns me off.
Why were you shocked that he was interested in you? Could it have been because in his mind he could of asked any other woman out in that class but instead he chose to ask you out? Also knowing that he could of asked out other women, did it not also make you feel good about yourself? That he chose you over them.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
I don't know that you can say that definitively because how are you supposed to know how many options somebody has?
One way to know subconsciously is how confident they are. Usually a person that has options and knows they have options are very confident because it doesnt matter to them what your answer is. They know they can find a date if they want one. That type of confidence is hard to fake.
Originally Posted by JujuB
I did initiate on OLD with the guy i am currenty with. I joked about something in his profile. I dont consider that chasing. I initiated with him because his profile was long and showed effort and indicated that he was looking for something serious but in a funny way.
That is the definition of chasing. You initiated the contact. So you did do the initial chasing. which goes back to my statement that women start the chasing process.
Originally Posted by JujuB
If i found out he was dating other women I would not sleep with him. I would not choose to sleep with soneone if i was dating other people. The sex wouldnt be good for me in that case. Im not saying i want to get married, just that i would not want to sleep with someone that was gonna sleep with someone else the following week.
If a guy kept asking me out, but was honest that he was going out with other women too, there would be no reason for me to keep dating him. I would figure, "hey he wants to see if theres someone better that he can get". He would not be worth my time. And i am not saying that to be snarky. It just would not be in my best interest.
Rex. I have to say i enjoy and appreciate your honesty and i also like to be honest without having to worry about political correctness. Hope this helps
Well in all fairness I would never tell a woman i am seeing other women, unless she specifically asks. And if she did ask specifically I would then answer with are you asking me to be exclusive with you.. My answer would then depend on hers.
Originally Posted by JujuB
Rex. I have to say i enjoy and appreciate your honesty and i also like to be honest without having to worry about political correctness. Hope this helps
It helps alot, and I do appreciate it, and i am sure other people will appreciate the candor of this thread and all of its participants.
Rex
M:43 W:33 M:10 T:11 D:6 BD 8/12/17 Divorce Final 1/23/2019
I also look to date younger than my age, just because they are more open too all sorts of relationships, and I am also attracted to their freespirit and their lack of jadedness towards men.
Boy that's a big old bag of ASSumption there.
I can honestly say that I'm MUCH more freespirited than I was when I was younger. And actually much more accepting of men in all their varieties and permutations. I also have a lot more confidence, DGAF what others think of me, and make much better conversation. The times I dated much younger men (they sought me out, I wasn't looking) they all complained that women their age were high maintenance, needy and superficial. Now, that's an ASSumption as well, but my point is, you may be looking in the wrong places if you're looking for free spirits.
I fully agree with kml on this. I know a couple of women who are in their 60's who have embraced their sexuality and their age and are looking for men who can keep up to them. The primary one of these that I know happens to be my 3rd cousin so - we're not dating but I get a big hug every time she stops by to raid my apple tree (not a metaphor).
rex - I've not followed your story at all so I can honestly say that I don't know you from Adam but you remind me of a story that I've posted before. My barber - who I've known for 30 years - once told me that if he was to go "a-wandering" that he would target married women because they could be interested in non-commitment sex. Your postings remind me of that.
For me - and I'm 54, nearly 55 so perhaps a generation older than you - I can't imagine having sex with a woman who I wasn't in an exclusive, committed relationship with. Heck, I can't even imagine smooching a woman who didn't fit in to that category. Call me old-fashioned or a prude perhaps. But that's me. Even when I was younger I still believed in the same principles. And I like to believe that a lot of women think the same way. Normal, every-day women who live their lives, deal with their own crap and who don't rely on any man to validate them as being worthy.
Certainly there are women out there who can be vulnerable to different tactics and who also play those games themselves for their own reasons. But you need to ask yourself. Are you just looking at getting your rocks off or do you want a committed life partner. The first you can rent. The second you have to work for.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I am not sure if it is a generational thing or just how someone structures their values. I am 37 and I would be in a similar boat to you. I could not imagine sex with a woman unless we were exclusive and we were committed. I was always raised with relationships being developed on love first sex later. Maybe that makes me old fashioned too. It does concern me that those values will be a hurdle for women in my dating age range.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
1) Some are still looking for the "love of their life", to settle down with that one person for the rest of their life.
2) Some don't want that kind of serious lifelong commitment but would like to have a steady dating partner.
3) Some don't want any commitment at all and just want to have fun with various dates with no obligation.
Once again KML very astute and on target. I'd say I'm mostly in or entering into #2 perhaps as I'm leaving #3. The thing is, the age group I'm in or looking to date, I'm betting if we add groups 2 and 3 together they still won't total the number of woman in group 1. It almost seems like woman are programmed to want group 1. Even if after multiple failed Rs they are still in their 40s, 50s and 60s looking for their "soulmate". Ive been honest in the past only to lose any chance of #2. I'm still honest but while leaving the door open to change my mind - which is possible, just not as likeky as they probably hope. Then again, who knows.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I am not sure if it is a generational thing or just how someone structures their values. I am 37 and I would be in a similar boat to you. I could not imagine sex with a woman unless we were exclusive and we were committed. I was always raised with relationships being developed on love first sex later. Maybe that makes me old fashioned too. It does concern me that those values will be a hurdle for women in my dating age range.
Why would these values be a hurdle? I think many women would respect this.
As said before everyone is looking for something different and with old you just don’t know what that is because most don’t come out and say it. After you have been at it for a while you can usually tell by how fast they are moving. Yes....some girls will be turned off but the quality ones will go slower which will be more aligned with your values. That said in my experience the sex will come before the love even with those that are relationship material.
FF I dated had our whole 6pm gym class of younger single women with no kids wanting to date him. (he was 9 years my junior) Turned out he was interested in me, the 9 year older divorced mom. Even though I was shocked he was interested in me, I did say yes when he asked me out. But the appeal of all these women wanting his had no say in that. It was actually miserable, I got a lot of shade from these women.
Understand makes sense.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I am pretty simple. I am attracted to a funny guy who is personable and sweet. There aren't certain "games" that attract me. SOmeone trying to have too much game, well, that sure turns me off.
That brings up a good point where quite often I see online "have no time to play games". What does that actually mean?
That brings up a good point where quite often I see online "have no time to play games". What does that actually mean?
I take it to mean that they aren't wanting FWB, endless texting but no meeting, people who are still married or pining for the fjords etc. If they've stated that they are interested in a serious relationship without games I take that to mean that they want a person who is willing, able and prepared to enter in to one in a reasonable amount of time.
Phrases like "friends first and then see where it goes" are one indicator that I've seen on profiles.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Just like with dbing believe actions not words. I have ran across many women who indicated in their profile that they were seeking an LTR but their actions were not congruent with their words. Ladies dont take this the wrong way but women like to have sex as much or more than men however they dont want to look promiscuous either. The stigma is different for women than men so I believe sometimes they mask their true intentions.
