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I'm enjoying the action on your thread J. I am not posting much these days but I'm keeping up with yours. Sounds like things with the Dr have progressed much better than previous ladies.

I am not a devout follower of the Coach, but the ladies on this thread really have underestimated the poor quality of men who are out there and don't have their $hit together. I agree with them that the Coach is covering so much of the basics of how to be a man in the dating world, but I know so many men who have no clue of how to court a woman and be in their masculine energy. There's just so much bloody NGS out there, in a negative sense, not in the sense that men shouldn't be respectful, kind, and generally good.

The coach has basically validated my own learning about how to positively exude my masculine energy without the pick up nonsense and macho bravado. I know that his 'bro' type language can be off-putting, but if you can get past that, he does have some sensible and practical strategies to offer that can help a man reclaim his authenticity and have appropriate boundaries.

Again, the strategy is to take what works for you and drop the rest. I honestly see so few men these days who are quality.


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Yo M good to hear from you. Yes they have and I am having a hard time letting go and being more vulnerable. She has now started to text me more personal things like I cant wait to see you, your are handsome, you are sexy, etc. and it makes me nervous. Just letting go and having fun with it is hard for me


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Originally Posted by Joseph9
Just letting go and having fun with it is hard for me

Why do you think that is?

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Idk.....afraid of commitment maybe, I have always been this way. It takes me a while to really warm up to someone and be vulnerable. I really struggle with just letting it all go like I am afraid to be pinned down. Maybe it has something to do with my job and always having to be politically correct and professional with my words. I was this way even with my xw when we first met.


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Well that's understandable coming out of a long-term relationship. Just be honest and up front with the Doc regarding where your at mentally.

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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by JujuB
Rex - and LIH, you both like to talk all this red pill reddit - alpha male stuff...

I really don't appreciate being lumped in the same category as Rex (No offense buddy) he once compared woman to prey.



Awww ty man I appreciate it, no offense taken. I rather enjoy walking my own path and not being lumped in with other people. I think i remember the comparison, it was related to different dating styles.


Originally Posted by Joseph9
Yo M good to hear from you. Yes they have and I am having a hard time letting go and being more vulnerable. She has now started to text me more personal things like I cant wait to see you, your are handsome, you are sexy, etc. and it makes me nervous. Just letting go and having fun with it is hard for me


Could you be having second thoughts now that since she is chasing you more, you are now unsure of what you want. I think someone said it earlier that its sort of a game to you and since she is showing more interests you are now backing off, because you like the game, and the chase. Could it be that you are not as interested since you have had sex with her now?


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I feel myself making progress but it's hard. Last night she told me good night handsome and I responded sleep well beautiful......so I am trying to make a conscious effort and I find when I do it is easier. Heck me holding back probably makes her want me even more. Making my feelings unclear smile


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It's not about sex rex because when she sends me the dirty texts I get excited, makes me smile, laugh, and aroused Tmi:)


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Originally Posted by Joseph9
Last night she told me good night handsome and I responded sleep well beautiful


Why do you feel you have to respond in the same manner. You were acting unavailable before, and now since she is texting more you are texting more, being more available to her. This is why I am not a fan of corey wayne, because alot of what he says is geared toward dating a single woman. He teaches you how to act and what to do rather than the reason behind the actions. So when a man finally gets a woman interest, the man changes the way he acts, this is not what attracted the lady in the first place, so he is no longer congruent in his actions and eventually the woman will lose interest.

Originally Posted by Joseph9
It's not about sex rex because when she sends me the dirty texts I get excited, makes me smile, laugh, and aroused Tmi:)


sounds like you are happy with a sexual relationship and hesitant of a deeper emotional attachment. Could it be moving to fast for you now? There is nothing wrong with having a purely sexual relationship if you are not ready to be in a monogamous relationship. I wouldnt even worry about a relationship because she hasnt asked you for one yet. I would still continue to see and actively seek out other women.


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Wayne would say as she starts to pursue more back off on your pursuit. She is doing more but I would not call it consistent. I actually think me reciprocating when she does initiate helps me but I am still not gushing my feelings all over her, texting every 2 hours, talking about R or future plans either. Our texting is actually pretty short in nature maybe 3 or 4 messages back and forth at the most with Sunday being a little longer. So i am reaching out a little more but it is certainly not multiple times a day giving a description of my every move.

The sex is really good and it is cool that she lives so close that I can swing over mid week for some fun. I do keep telling myself to just have fun and go with it.....I am still very much a work in progress on that front. I have definitely opened her up sexually and she is starting to share her feelings with me. She is a catch, maybe a Unicorn but me taking it slow is important to me. I dont feel any R pressure from her so I know I have more time to get comfortable.

I just need to stay in the moment


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Originally Posted by rexgm
I would still continue to see and actively seek out other women.


I don't know if this is good bad or otherwise - it's simply an observation and one I know I've made before... Since this all started it appears pursuit in all other woman has stopped. Yes you may have a profile up but you've not mentioned a single word about anyone else. Not saying you should or not just saying it's an observation and that all of your focus has been on the Doctor. Nothing wrong with that. It's just not again what I think the cinch suggests and clearly not what others here have suggested. Personally speaking I get it. It takes enough time for one woman, two or three can be very exausting.


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I also think part of it is letting go......after a D all of us have built some walls up around us. Probably more than we realize with all the self talk, alpha male, red pill, etc.

It's not easy being vulnerable again.


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I know.....I dont have the time nor money to date multiple women. I'm not that type of guy either.


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Originally Posted by Joseph9
I'm not that type of guy either.


im curious have you actually done it? Or do you tend to focus on a single woman which makes you think you are not that type of man?


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1 or 2 dates no big deal but if I have been on multiple dates like with the dr I would not do it because I would not want the person to do it to me unless we had an understanding that the R was only sexual.


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J,

Would you be mad if she was currently seeing other guys right now?

For me until she brings up being exclusive then I expect them to be seeing other people whether they are or not. That is just my feelings and opinion.


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I wouldn't be mad probably disappointed. With that said if I felt the vibe of the R was that of her seeing other people or vice versa then I would have no problems with it. If that makes sense.


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I would be surprised if she was seeing other men. Its almost like an unspoken rule in a situation like that. Personally, i find it hard to get to know someone if im dating a lot of people at once. I was never able to do that. I usually date 1 person and see if we are compatible. If not break things off.

I think whats happening is that the pursuit made you eager to go after her and court her. Now that the challenge is out of the way, your not as excited. If she backed off a bit and was more elusive, i bet you would regain your stronger interest and stop worrying about committment phobia. This is pretty universal though. Its why nicer and more normal drama free girls tend to not get appreciated. They decide to one day bake cookies for you and you dont feel challenged.

Kind of why Archie neglects the hot blond for the spoiled Veronica. It doesnt make sense.


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I need to get out of my own head and just have fun with it. That certainly could be part of it because I remember how I
Elusive she was early on


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Originally Posted by JujuB
I would be surprised if she was seeing other men. Its almost like an unspoken rule in a situation like that. Personally, i find it hard to get to know someone if im dating a lot of people at once. I was never able to do that. I usually date 1 person and see if we are compatible. If not break things off.



This is mind reading and will only get you into trouble, unless you have specifically discussed being exclusive, i wouldnt expect it.



Originally Posted by JujuB
Personally, i find it hard to get to know someone if im dating a lot of people at once. I was never able to do that. I usually date 1 person and see if we are compatible. If not break things off.



while this may be true for you, it may not be for her. She may have no issue dating multiple men at once.

quote=JujuB] If she backed off a bit and was more elusive, i bet you would regain your stronger interest and stop worrying about committment phobia. This is pretty universal though. Its why nicer and more normal drama free girls tend to not get appreciated. They decide to one day bake cookies for you and you dont feel challenged.

Kind of why Archie neglects the hot blond for the spoiled Veronica. It doesnt make sense.

[/quote]


It makes perfect sense. people like what they cant have. Once they can have it their interest level drops. Which is why many dating books say if she starts to lose interest then hold back your interest/attention and she will get interested again. It is a constant ebb and flow. It is also why the nicer and more normal drama free men get under appreciated also. Which is also against a normal mans thought, if it becomes worse one thinks they have to try harder. which only pushes her away more. It is also one of the reasons that DB says to go no contact. you reward good behaviour with your attention and punish bad behaviour with removal of your attention. women do this all the time by withholding sex or attention. If you piss them off they make it known that they are mad and they are not talking to you. You did something wrong in their opinion and they are now punishing you.

It is also why the easiest way to raise a womans interest level is to get noticed by other women. Its an inherent instinct to go after the strongest male for reproduction purposes. like it or not, that is nature.


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this may be easier to read

Originally Posted by JujuB

I would be surprised if she was seeing other men. Its almost like an unspoken rule in a situation like that.




This is mind reading and will only get you into trouble, unless you have specifically discussed being exclusive, i wouldnt expect it.



Originally Posted by JujuB

Personally, i find it hard to get to know someone if im dating a lot of people at once. I was never able to do that. I usually date 1 person and see if we are compatible. If not break things off.




while this may be true for you, it may not be for her. She may have no issue dating multiple men at once.

Originally Posted by JujuB
If she backed off a bit and was more elusive, i bet you would regain your stronger interest and stop worrying about committment phobia. This is pretty universal though. Its why nicer and more normal drama free girls tend to not get appreciated. They decide to one day bake cookies for you and you dont feel challenged.

Kind of why Archie neglects the hot blond for the spoiled Veronica. It doesnt make sense.




It makes perfect sense. people like what they cant have. Once they can have it their interest level drops. Which is why many dating books say if she starts to lose interest then hold back your interest/attention and she will get interested again. It is a constant ebb and flow. It is also why the nicer and more normal drama free men get under appreciated also. Which is also against a normal mans thought, if it becomes worse one thinks they have to try harder. which only pushes her away more. It is also one of the reasons that DB says to go no contact. you reward good behaviour with your attention and punish bad behaviour with removal of your attention. women do this all the time by withholding sex or attention. If you piss them off they make it known that they are mad and they are not talking to you. You did something wrong in their opinion and they are now punishing you.

It is also why the easiest way to raise a womans interest level is to get noticed by other women. Its an inherent instinct to go after the strongest male for reproduction purposes. like it or not, that is nature.


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Yes but she was interested in him when he pursued. If he distances, she will follow and then he will have to redo. Thats my analysis of her. Thats how I would be, and Im basing how she would be based on me because i am also old fashioned. I wont chase and im attracted to a guy that does nice things for me. If he stops i lose attraction. Shes es warm with him because he has been pursuing her in a normal easy going fashion. I wasnt able to predict wild girl cause she was so opposite of me.


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Rex, i wish you had a thread. A smarter, high quality female at our age is gonna run from a guy that is a ladies man. I know that would not attract me. I would want a guy that seems loyal. If you are looking for wild girls, i would agree.


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Originally Posted by JujuB
i am also old fashioned. I wont chase



So in your history you have never chased a man?


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Originally Posted by Joseph9
I need to get out of my own head and just have fun with it.


Exactly!

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J, I agree, get out of your own head. WHy are you analyzing this so much? YOu like her, she likes you, you are building, what are you worried about? Enjoy yourself.

I seriously don't know what person with young children to care for and full time jobs have time to date multiple people. I sacrifice a lot to date one. Dating multiple at once? Seems nearly impossible. Unless there is nothing in between and you are just simply going on dates when you happen to have a free night. But why when you are building something with someone would you want to give your free night to some other random girl?

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Oh, and Zues, I am short on time, but I see you. When I said "sacrifice" I meant sacrifice earning potential. The guy might sacrifice time with their kids and family. So maybe when that husband now has 50% and that woman has 50% when she used to spend sooooo much time with her kids, the money should equal up a little too.


I know you got stuck with some exorbanant amount of child and spousal support to pay. Each state has thir difficult calculation. One parent should go poor while the other one is living really good When I said that, the one who pays shouldn't be going poor either.

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Idk what I am worried about.....I am just nervous. I think it is the commitment and now that we are having sex I know her emotions are engaged. My emotional pace I think is slower than hers. I just got back from her place and the set up is perfect. Less than 3 miles away, I go over for sex, a glass of wine, and home in one hour. No offense ladies minimal snuggle time and she knows I get up early for the gym and she is respectful of my time so she wasn’t trying to get me to stay. I actually really appreciate that.

I guess I am just experiencing typical guy feelings.


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Wow Joe. So glad I am a woman if that is being a typical guy. Maybe I’m not ready for this whole dating thing. That sounds kinda empty to me. Of course, it also reminds me of my lunch hour when my H and I first got together and he was living with me for the summer. Minus the wine of course. wink

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Well I didn’t mean to come off empty. We had fun, watched a little tv, chatted, held hands, touched each other before hand in a romantic none sexual way but it is still very new and with that comes the sex part as you alluded to when describing your summer. I do like her, enjoy her company but she hasn’t come across as miss snuggle bunny either. In fact she says she thinks more like a man. If she wanted to have some snuggle time and lay her head on me I certainly would have partaked. She wants to see me again on Friday.


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Lol - tv, sex, a glass of wine and home in one hour? Now THAT'S a quickie!

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Joseph...I am glad it wasn’t empty...lol. Neither was my summer. Gosh...we had so much fun back then. So hard to come to terms with the idea that something that started out in such an amazing way has ended in the way that it has. Still...happy to have the memories. Hope you are making some too. smile

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Originally Posted by kml
Lol - tv, sex, a glass of wine and home in one hour? Now THAT'S a quickie!


Lol ya know i did not want to say anything but I was thinking the same. Lol.

As for the feelngs Joseph I've had the same - and I often hate it. It's like out of my control. I don't know if it's something biological or broken in me or what but during the pursuit I'm very engaged and interested but often when she's says okay you got me I'm yours (of corse not in those words but you get the point) I sometimes lose interest. Is that why I stayed engaged with wild girl? I don't doubt it - at least have to consider it. I've had others years ago the same where if she backed off or even found another guy, bang I'm totally interested again and even regret losing her. Yet when I had her I didn't feel it.

Now this is not an all the time everytime thing mind you. But it does happen so just know you're not alone. I also find that an understanding partner who is willing to go slow is very helpful. Sadly many don't understand - especially early on.


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Originally Posted by kml
Lol - tv, sex, a glass of wine and home in one hour? Now THAT'S a quickie!


Tbh, that all sounds pretty fantastic right now.


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Just don't tell me you watched an hour long TV show lol.

Maybe it's time to revisit IC?

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She hasn't come across as miss snuggle bunny? I thought you said her LL is PT and she is all over youw hen you are going out?

I am also a little confused. You wanted her to emotionally engaged and now she has, it's scaring you?

You don't like cuddle time yourself? Even my ex liked cuddle time after. ANd he is an emotionally disconnected person.

Maybe you are coming into a time where you are trying to figure out what you want for yourself and not base it on what she is willing to give?

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We didn’t watch the show for an hour.....lol. I came in, went to her bedroom, she locked the door, had wine ready to go so we sat there for 15 min or so, chatted, touched, drank wine before we started in. It was fun, I enjoyed it, we laughed, etc. Hell maybe it is the chase and now some of the fun is gone. Maybe I am still doing some healing from my D which prevents me from fully engaging. I know I am not thinking about my x when I am with her. This is also the longest girl I have dates since my D so maybe some of these feelings are normal. I do think I have what DH described as post orgasm depression.

I like snuggle time and we did lay there for a bit it just wasn’t this long drawn out session of pillow talk. When she said it’s almost time for you to go since it was a little after 9 I didn’t know if she really wanted me to stay or if she was being serious. And she was the one that brought it up not me so I took that as my que to get up and get dressed because I did go to the gym this morning.

She will be getting flowers today and I guess if anything maybe I am sorting through what I really want since now I am faced with N opportunity for it.


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Just got a text from the dr wishing me a happy v day. I didnt tell her she was getting flowers. When she reached out i got excited.....I am all over the place!


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J,

My guess is your afraid to get close because you might get hurt. Nothing else makes sense. You are living the LBS dream right now. Your at a place every LBS thinks about daily after their D. You are dating a beautiful doctor who is totally into you!

Just remember you survived your D when you thought you wouldn't. If this doesn't workout long-term life will go on.

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I think that's it L...I am up and down, all over the place!


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remember just because she wants to see you more often doesnt mean you should. Alot of times women are notsure of what they want.


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Alright the dr just got the flowers....she sent me a pic of her with them. She said thank you and I am very sweet. Good call db land!


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When i was going through the divorce process, i could not wait to date. I wanted ego gratification, sex, a 2nd chance, someone to use my supposed new found relationship skills with. And yeah its exiting in the beginning. A new person after all those years.

But for me, there were and are a lot of mixed feelings. I never felt that way when i dated my ex in my early 20s. Somethings off, even if the other person is normal. Just something im noticing


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What do you think it is?


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Went over to a friends house last night for dinner it was fun. The dr texted me last night around 830 and we chatted for a bit. She even called me sexy....bahaaaa. I am going to her place tonight at 6 then we are going out to dinner and a movie. I figured we have been on enough dates that seeing a movie would be ok. I have been keenly aware of my emotions and I do think I am feeling myself becoming more comfortable. I really do think it is a vulnerability thing and the more I am the more comfortable I get. I do think I have built a few walls around myself.


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I bet you are sexy buddy. It's time to take a chance. Just think you don't have to get an annual checkup anymore. Heck she can even give you a prostate exam lol. Probably already has lol.

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Lol.....um not yet from her to me but.........bahaaaaa! I am trying L, I think about moving farther away from the x, I think about my girls, and it's just hard when your the lbs. I got into this convo last night with my friends when we were talking about dating and some of my anxiety. They are divorced but were the initiators so their experience is completely different than someone who was essentially blinded and didnt want the D. It is not a competition but as you mentioned a few weeks ago my x had at max a 1 yr head start emotionally on me. That is hard for people to understand.


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I totally get it dude, just go at your own pace. If you are not ready for a commitment then don't make one. You have some time before she brings it up.

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Thanks...I am. She just sent me a good morning text so she is definitely engaged! You know it's funny my anxiety issues and not being vulnerable has probably helped me more than hurt me as it has caused me to pull back, not blow up her phone and take it slow.

My basketball buddy and me where joking the other day that essentially you dont need to break up with a girl just start acting needy, desperate, and weak which should do the trick. Lol


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Do you get the sense from the Doc she is trying to lock you down?

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No I dont although i know that is what she wants. I can just tell how she acts, you can pick up on the vibe. She is just starting to open up more, initiate things more, calling me sexy, telling me she cant wait to see me, telling me i am handsome, then the dirty text messages as well. It took her a little longer than what the coach says but she has been textbook so far as her emotions have been engaged.

I do think she is trying to hold herself back as well. Just a vine I get but there has been no R talk although she has brought up stuff in the future about going out to her land, weekend getaway, etc.


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I'm happy for you. You deserve it! You worked your a$$ off to get where you are today. You are a DB success story!

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Aww..thanks L you are as well!! Please dont make me cry...........


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Sorry man! You have made me tear up a time or two talking about your daughters. We need a DB convention so we can all drink beers together.lol

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It's ok L.....I have cried quite a bit in the last 2 years. Yes, that would be awesome!


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Just got home from the drs house. We went out to dinner and saw a movie. The movie was awful so we left early so we could start the indoor olympics. No R talks or anything like that although I can tell she is open to it. I spent the night at her house and I forgot what that is like. New sounds, different pillows, then I had to go number 2 so needless to say I am now home!!! I will say though that I feel myself getting more comfortable with last night being the best night yet.

Fun day ahead with my youngest have a b-ball and soccer games this afternoon.


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You couldn't poop at her house? She IS a doctor, she knows all about those bodily functions.

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Lol.....well I guess I could have but I was nervous and not prepared for that yet.


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Nice J.... so what’s the plan now? Or you just gonna keep going with the flow?

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Yeah....just go with the flow. We have fun when we go out, enjoy the sex, and while I know she is open to more neither one of us are pressuring each other. I think it also helps me get more comfortable so I am grateful for her being chill over it. She knows that I have not been in a R that has lasted over a month as well so I do know that makes her a little nervous. I also know she is wanting something long term and that is ok it doesn’t scare me and I do appreciate the pace. She did love the flowers!

I am just trying to take it day by day.


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J- there really is nothing to talk about or define. You guys are dating, getting to know eachother. What would be "something a little more " than you have now? You guys are having dates, talking to eachother, having sex..... You aren't seeing anyone else. There isn't much more to have at this point. Kids come later, maybe meeting some friends? But other than that, there isn't much more to have at this point, expect to keep having dates. and they sound like great dates and you even have sexting in between.

M and I never had an R talk. except when he used to make jokes about "other dudes" and I said "you are the only dude in my life. am I the only chick in your life?" and since then, it was pretty much known that we were together. Everything has been a progression of actions otherwise. Christmas eve with the bro, sil and mom. Now the kid meetings after the card that pretty much told me he sees the future with me.

SO, there's no reason for an R talk now. Unless you want to not date anyone else right now.

There truly is no where else to take it but day by day.

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Well we still have active dating profiles so idk if that has to be addressed at some point?????


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you could do what I did. I don't even know how to deactivate my profile. I was DONE with online dating and he was my last go. I just deleted my apps on phone after the first date. Whether or not it worked out, I was done for a long while. Gave me no temptation to see if he was still on. I think it's just easier to not talk about it, not snoop on it, and just let natural progression take control. You'll know if she I dating others, trust me.

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Ok...yeah there is no way she is and your right I would know.


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Well the dr just left and we had another fun night but man I am tapped out. My 45 yr old body just cant operate like a 20 yr old any more. I am tired from lack of sleep last night plus all the indoor Olympics. She paid for dinner tonight which was really cool and she just left about 10 min ago. I wont see her again until Friday which is actually cool. I will say I do need a break since we saw each other 3 times this week, two of which was her idea. She is very much a man in regards to her post sex activity. She is very touchy feely and sexual but wasted no time in leaving tonight once our activities were over with. I still have a little anxiety but I hope it continues to diminish with time.


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Thank god for the break... I need the break from reading smile

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Lol....well now that’s created the post divorce dating thread mine should slow down. Great weekend with basketball and soccer games. My youngest scored a goal and had a really nice cross so it was really fun to watch. Basketball season ended so I am happy to have a break from coaching. There is a summer league that my youngest will prob want to play in. I have the girls this week so we have soccer practice almost every night this week and then games on sat. Spring soccer is my favorite!

Saw the dr this am at the gym which was nice. We walked out together and gave each other a quick kiss in the parking lot. It was kind of weird being in a public place that I frequent with people that know me. It was ok though. I won’t see her again on Friday night.


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J,

So I don't hijack Ms thread. I thought ex and BF broke up?

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Well I found out he took the xw and my girls out for valentines day so I guess not although something seems off to me. The funny thing is that she told me she was taking them out and made no mention of him to me. You would think after all this time she would just be honest but she never brings him up to me and neither do the girls.


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Maybe they are trying to spare your feelings. Or perhaps all is not wonderful in smoochy-ville.

Not your circus.


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J. - my ex does that too. He’s taking my son away for a 1 night trip with his mom and girlfriend and girlfriends 4 year. old. When he tells me the plans he says it’s just him and his mom. It’s so f’n annoying. I know about it through my son.it makes me hate my ex even more and I can’t identify why.


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It normally doesn’t bother me especially since I told her a year ago I wanted to know nothing about him unless it had to do with my girls. So I guess she is respecting my wishes but after a year it just seems odd especially if she had lost respect for me. If she didn’t I would think she would have been flaunting him around in my face like some of the others guys experience around here.


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Just because they are our ex's doesn't mean that they can't be decent people. They probably were fairly decent or for those of us who were married a long time and built a life together - we wouldn't have.

Time passes and we can hope that them being a jerk takes effort.

Just don't tell my own ex I said that laugh

And I do some ex-spouses can be jerks with little or no effort.


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True...my xw was never really a jerk even early on. There is so much both of us could have do to each other but didnt.

On a side note the dr told me last night one of her patients hit on her and asked her out. I just laughed and then she came back and told me her profile was down and she was off the market. I guess she just wanted me to know......


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J9 is this her way of saying she wants to be exclusive?


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I guess


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You sound pumped about it

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LOL.... Is big J smooth going to be off the market? There is going to be a lot of disappointed single ladies out there.

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Lol.....the big smooth!! I mean it's cool, I guess I am a little excited. I feel myself getting closer to her. I am still very cautious though esp after going through a D. Not sure I will ever let me guard down again or pit anyone on a pedestal.


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Originally Posted by Joseph9
Lol.....the big smooth!! I mean it's cool, I guess I am a little excited. I feel myself getting closer to her. I am still very cautious though esp after going through a D. Not sure I will ever let me guard down again or pit anyone on a pedestal.


I know it sounds super cliché to say, but I think you will find yourself letting your guard down some as you either get closer to her or if it doesn't work out with her, with someone else down the road. I felt the same way at first...no way was I letting my guard down. A couple of different guys I dated even commented on it, but I still didn't let it down. But, then when Sparky came along I did because it just felt right. Obviously everyone is different and moves at a different pace, but you might be surprised at how you will start to feel more comfortable and able to let your guard down with someone (either the Dr. or someone in the future).

Anyway, good for you and the Dr. LH's "big J smooth" thing made me laugh out loud, so thanks for that.


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I feel I know you pretty well and I feel the last week or so somethings been off with you. You are not sure about her are you?

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Originally Posted by Dawn70
Anyway, good for you and the Dr. LH's "big J smooth" thing made me laugh out loud, so thanks for that.

Dawn I am glad I started your day off with a laugh. My work is done here.

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I am not 100% sold yet and after spending Fri and Sat with her I felt like I needed a break from seeing her. I was excited to see her Mon morning at the gym and that was fun, walking out together, etc. I do feel my anxiety dropping and I am feeling more comfortable around her. If I made a list, her pros definitely outweigh the cons by a mile. She checks off many of the boxes on my algorithm but I am not sure if we click mentally/emotionally. I think that is where I am struggling the most. I do feel though we are making progress, it's just slow.

I do feel very balanced emotionally and I know that is a good thing. I fo really believe I am a catch though so maybe that combined with all I have learned over the past 6 months has put me in this position. I really dont like the feeling of being all spun up.

I would say at this point she is probably into me more than I am into her. Tbh it was the same way with my xw when we first started dating. Hell i didnt know if i even liked her but she gradually grew on me over time and 17 years later....yadda yadda yadda.


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Do you feel like divulging some of the cons?

It's still early in the process so you have some time. Just don't let her lock you down if your'e not ready.

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1. She is very literal. Dry.
2. Very black and white.
3. More reserved not this bubbly, flashy, outgoing person with a wide circle of friends.
4. I am getting used to her not being blonde and 5'4. She is about 5'8 140 lbs and a size 4.

I cant think of anything else at this moment that I would say is a con or something that I am getting used to. In some ways I feel like I am retraining my brain. Well I am getting used to someone that is all over me and wants a ton of sex.

From a physical standpoint she is smoking. Dark hair, dark complexion, great body, takes care of herself, not pretentious, seems to be a good mom, lives close to me, loves sex and wants to do it non stop. Heck she wanted to gonscrew in the car Friday night after dinner but before the movie. She is a giver, she has never really made me question her motives with dating other men, etc. Doesnt seem to play games, educated, has a good career, has a relationship with God. Is very affectionate, touching me, rubbing my chest, holding my hand. I could go on with the pros.

I am really very lucky to have met her.


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So, just curious, is the list a list of cons or is it just things that you need to get used to?

I find it interesting that when you describe all of her positive attributes you say she doesn't seem to play games and yet in reading some of your other threads, the general consensus among male posters is that all women play games. Some of us have even said we don't and you all have said oh but you do because everyone does, even if you don't do it consciously. So, what is it about the good Dr. that makes you think she is the one who doesn't play games?

She sounds pretty great to me, so I'm glad that you met her and hope it continues to progress in a good direction for both of you.


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D...prob more things I need to get used to. I think she prob did to some degree early on but I never got this impression she had alternative motives. It felt like we were both aligned in that regard with wanting to meet someone vs just dating around with multiple people. She seemed very honest and up front with her actions.


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The other thing that is cool is that our lifestyles seem to be aligned. Our kids are the same age and since she owns her own practice she is not looking to travel the world or live this extravagant lifestyle. She has never given me the impression that even though she is a dr she is looking for something that I cant give her. I have realized through my dating experiences that lifestyles being in alignment is very critical.


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As a suggestion - instead of the regular dinner and nookie - why not "do something" together? That will let you know if you get along when you're not horizontal or whatever angle you young people do that stuff at these days.

Maybe go to the shooting range.


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We went axe throwing and that was really fun. I hope next weekend I can get up to her land with her and we can do some shooting. I know she really wants me to do.


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Dawn just so you know, her telling J the patient hit on her is her playing a game/testing him.

Sounds good man though your con #1 would not go well with my personality lol.

I know what you mean about getting use to certain things. My date on Saturday is 5'10" I am use to 5'2"-5'5" not sure yet if it is a deal breaker for me. Hair color has absolutely no effect on me.

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I know it's crazy. Yeah, I thought it was interesting how she brought it up. She wanted me to know both. I told her I dont get jealous unless it is flat out disrespect. I bet my aloofness and lack of blowing up her phone, etc. has had more of an impact than I realize.


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Oh and I also didnt say anything about us being in a R either or who are you taken by or anything like that. When she said she was off the market I gave no response as if it went in 1 ear and out the other. I did joke with her a bit about the guy that hit on her though as she said he went to our gym and he always ogles her.


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Originally Posted by Joseph9
When she said she was off the market I gave no response as if it went in 1 ear and out the other.

I would have said "Do you have a boyfriend I don't know about?"

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Lol....I need a mic in my ear so you can pump me full of one liners. I cant think that quick on my feet !


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Originally Posted by LH19
Dawn just so you know, her telling J the patient hit on her is her playing a game/testing him.



Tell J that! He was the one who said she doesn't seem like a game player and I simply asked why he thinks she is the one woman who doesn't. wink

And, following that logic, by the way, wouldn't your response of "Do you have a boyfriend I don't know about?" when she mentioned being off the market constitute similar game play? I'm just trying to understand what is considered game play and what isn't and I am totally fascinated by how men think. I think it is a good thing I'm no longer looking because it is exhausting. LOL


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Well this game seemed more innocent to me not mischievous. That was her way of telling me she really likes me, wants this to work while also letting me know other men find her desirable. Again.....I really want you to like me because others do.


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Originally Posted by Dawn70
And, following that logic, by the way, wouldn't your response of "Do you have a boyfriend I don't know about?" when she mentioned being off the market constitute similar game play?

More like playful teasing putting the ball back in her court. See IMO it was sorta a little rude for J just to ignore that statement because she was definitely expecting a response. The way I responded acknowledged that I heard her and put the ball back in her court to say "I was talking about you" or something along those lines if she was trying to bring up exclusivity. Then I would clearly ask her "are your saying you want to be exclusive with me?" You see direct and to the point and it's her idea.

Originally Posted by Dawn70
I'm just trying to understand what is considered game play and what isn't and I am totally fascinated by how men think. I think it is a good thing I'm no longer looking because it is exhausting. LOL

I have asked the same question on the board in regards to OLD. What does it mean when a woman says I have no time for games?

It can be exhausting! I am glad you found someone you can settle down with and be happy. I hope to have that happen again someday. Not sure I will ever marry again but hope to be in a monogamous relationship again.

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I think it was a temp check. She probably wanted you to say, "me too" or something like that. Honestly...she seems like someone who is ultimately looking for an LTR but has been hurt in the past so is carefully picking and choosing her moments. I don't think of it as being game playing so much as it is being cautious about revealing too much of oneself too soon. People do love a challenge though so I get why there are often games being played. I really HATE the idea of having to do the dating thing again. There are just so many broken people out there. No offense to the people on here who are dating. I happen to think that anyone who is interested in DBing and available to support others is made of some good stuff. I'm more talking about the other people out there who are using it as some form of self-validation. Similar to "likes" on Facebook. So not interested.

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Originally Posted by DejaVu6
I No offense to the people on here who are dating.

None taken!!!!!

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I didnt not acknowledge it trying to be rude. My initial thought was she told me because she saw mine was down and wanted me to know she followed suit. Hers was still up when I took mine down so I would have no way of knowing. I will see her on Friday and follow up with her comment. Although me not responding to it does provide a little bit of a challenge.


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J I know you weren't trying to be rude I just commenting on how it may be perceived.

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Hell now I feel bad. I guess I thought she would be more direct about it and it was via text message as well. Although i guess that was pretty direct.............smh


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No worries. Like the coach says "when there is a high attraction you can afford to make mistakes".

LOL. Yeah life would be great if everyone was direct and to the point and we didn't need to read between the lines.

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True....something like that prob would only make the attraction stronger since it's only been a month and I didnt take the bait. Not on purpose but you know what the coach says when your feelings are unclear.

We did chat on the phone a bit this morning on my way to work and she has already sent me a text telling me what restaurant she wants to try. Then it was followed by I miss you, along with her missing a few other things.......bahaaa!!!


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I want an invite to the wedding.

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Oh boy.....we could invite the coach!


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You should send CW an email so we can watch his YouTube response.


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Last edited by job; 02/20/19 11:06 PM. Reason: added link to new thread

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The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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