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ballast Offline OP
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Nicole...appreciate your comments, especially your kind words about me. I definitely didn't know that there were very well defined rules for texting, even if they are unwritten. I figured so long as I was sharing a single thought or event, that the number didn't matter, but LOL I found out it did! And if anything given our mutual friend connected us, I think I was given more leeway than a complete stranger if I had screwed up somehow. Main thing to me is that she's highly attractive, maybe a bit boy crazy and she's long distance. I know I'm a good man, I know because she told me how much of a good man she thought I was, but one thing I'm not going to do is compete/chase her OR if I am, I'm going to do it by showing how I value myself and walk away. Nothing personal, just how I feel. As you say if someone likes you they're lucky to receive your affection in return. IF they don't value the chance they've been given, that's their decision, out of my control, wish them well and go on. I'm sure given her beauty she has many other men competing for her affection and so I'll excuse myself from her life and best of luck to her.

I do believe that somewhere/sometime the girl who I'm meant to give my affection to, we'll find each other and she'll realize the quality of the man she's found and I'll feel the same about her. As I've said earlier I'm a vet of OLD from 2005 or so. To be honest for sure I had ladies disappear for whatever reason, but the majority of my experiences were positive. I think as soon as you let go of trying to understand it, much like when dealing with a wayward spouse the easier the whole thing becomes. And like I said yesterday, for those of us who have been the LBS in our sitches, once you can drop the rope on a spouse to whom you were married, letting go of whatever you deal with in the dating world is much easier. For sure there's no hard feelings or anything like that with current woman so if we get back in touch anything is still possible and no matter what, this experience I know I needed to help me learn some things about the dating world.

You sound like a wonderful lady Nicole! There's a song lyric that goes "Yeah a boy's gonna run, but a real man's gonna stay" That lyric sticks with me in a gender neutral way as I think for ANY of us LBS's here, it's empowering, gives us hope and helps to remind us of how in a healthy relationship the partner we deserve won't leave. I am certain there is a real man out there looking for you right now and when the time is right, he'll realize the special lady he's found in you and do exactly as the lyric says. Just have to remember "good things come to those who wait!" :-)

-B


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
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Hi Ballast,

Just wondering how you're doing now and if you ever contacted or heard from your lady friend again?

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ballast Offline OP
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Hi Nicole...

Well after a week plus of no contact, I decided to reach out to her to say hello on Saturday. Even if she's not interested anymore, no hard feelings and I'm fine with just being acquaintances. Anyway she replied quickly to my text and happily, but they were short replies...given her line of work she was busy this whole weekend so no reading into it too much. No further chatting between us since Saturday and like I say I'm cool with that. We had a friendly enough chat which basically confirmed to me that's all that's gonna happen with her. Plan to just let her go now. The chat was my interest test for her. Meeting her was helpful to me in many ways as I've previously mentioned. Next time I'll be more prepared with how to handle myself from the start with a new lady and expecting that she'll be local to me I'll move to set up a time for us to meet up instead of chatting/talking away on the phone.

D4 went back to W yesterday. No matter what else happens in my life, that is always sad. I imagine soon W will file for divorce. Long since gave up worrying about that. I know Stander has said his W was similar to mine in walking away, but in reading his sitch, my WW has always been WAY WAY more gone than his W was. Not one single chat/call/meetup/zippo from her on talking about our MR. Facing that there was nothing but for me to give it up.

All things considered I'm doing great. The only thing I wish is that I could have D4 in my life every single day. Beyond that, I'm doing very well. No idea what the future holds, but not stressing about it nor trying to push it. Several girl friends are encouraging me to get on a few dating sites and have fun with it. I will at some point I guess, just not a high priority for me. If I do, I'm more interested in seeing who comes to me than me going after anyone. Over the weekend I had a lady who I work with introduce me to her little sister. It's a humbling feeling to have ladies you know hold you in high enough regard to have them trying to set you up with their sisters. Anyway, that's my update. I haven't been on in a while, but hope that all is going well for you in your sitch as well. Plan to check in on you shortly.

-B


Me:34 W:40
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BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
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B, plenty more options out there! You just keep being your awesome self smile Yeah it's a real bummer we are forced into seeing our kids less but make the best of the time you do have together. It's all so fleeting. I can't believe two of my D's are grown and gone and my S will only be around a couple more years. That was going to happen even if the ex and I reconciled, life just happens way too fast!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Ballast, I think it's too soon to conclude she's not interested. She could be taking time to think about what she wants. She could be talking to another guy and she's waiting to see how it turns out with him. She may be shy or lack self confidence to meet in person. Maybe she really is busy. Or maybe she doesn't want to move fast. I agree with letting her go since it won't benefit you to keep waiting for her. But what did you say to her or ask her when you chatted on Saturday? Did you ask if she wants to meet?

I have my daughter 100% of the time. I can't imagine how hard it must be to have your daughter part-time. This is one of the main reasons why I would do anything to save my marriage because it's so hard for us and so hard for our children to go back-and-forth. I know everyone gets used to it eventually, but it's especially cruel and difficult in the beginning.

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ballast Offline OP
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Nicole, anything is possible. As it had been more than a week with no communication between us I kept the communication light, friendly especially as I found out on contacting her that she was busy with work for the weekend. I was really just at a point of saying to myself that given the distance between us I'm cool with us just being friends if she's not interested in anything further. I just wasn't going to ghost her and disappear as I've had happen in the past with OLD. IF she were to contact me back sometime and be engaging with me on what I was up to, then I'd move straight to asking her to meet up...right now though I just don't see that happening, BUT I left it friendly with her so who knows.

My D4 I can see her when I don't have her sometimes. When I leave from visiting, the building has windows on 3 walls and as I leave in my car, I see her following me to all 3 walls watching me leave. I just find myself saying "it is D4 who pays for this, not me, not her mom" and I HATE that. There is no greater pain for me than unwillingly having to leave her behind.

You do guiltfully enjoy the time you do not have your child in 50/50 as time goes on, but you also feel like you are "paying for failing" when you realize you are giving up half of the most precious time you can NEVER get back. I get why you would do anything to save your marriage. Any parent would understand that for the sake of their children, BUT there are simply some marriages and some "anythings" that are just too far gone to save even with the best of intentions. Do I want this for my D4? NO! Could I have a MR with my WW right now? NO! So there it is TRUTH. All I can do is accept it and make the best of it. Will this having happened move me along to a yet better relationship/love, who knows...could I ever get back with D4's momma? I say never, but again honestly who knows. I try to take what comes my way in life with no need for control of it these days. Doesn't mean I won't set my sails for particular destinations, but if the winds take my sails in a different direction I'm up for seeing where they take me. Don't hold on so tightly Nicole. Release yourself from needing to control the destinations in your life, let the winds take you where you were naturally meant to go and enjoy the journey!

-B


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
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Just joined for some free minutes and I’m tearing reading your sitch...

It’s glad to read where you are standing now my friend. Nice to see all your PMA kicking in! Be proud of what you have man!

Sending you and D4 my best wishes. Always.


WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
Piecing since 03/2016
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ballast Offline OP
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Always appreciate your comments and support neffer! Doesn't feel a great deal like PMA...just some things in this world that don't make sense and instead of trying to fight against them like when I got here right after BD, now I just let them go best I can.

Getting close to the 1 year mark post-BD for me. Quite something to reflect on how far I've come from that time. Seems like a different lifetime ago and in fact, it was as I'm now a completely different person from who I was then. Guess it's terrible hard to vow a lifetime of love and commitment to someone and then be forced against your will to let all that go. Anyway I'm blessed for what I have, soon to be free of the one who walked away and hopeful for something good in the future.

Thank you for the best wishes! My best to you as well neffer!

-B


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 776
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ballast Offline OP
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well...after writing her off...Miss Sunshine came back. I had actually deleted all of her contact info, but this past weekend she texted to say how sorry she was for not contacting me more, but just that she had had lots of things going on in her life and how we got off to such a fast start. I told her matter of factly she has no reason to apologize, was happy to hear from her. I said I would like for us to continue to get to know each other better and she said she would like that as well. She has since started calling me again and texting off and on each day. Having learned so much since we first chatted about texting, I'm following those "rules". As with a WW I'm happy about her words, just interested to see if her actions (wanting to meet) follow the same way.

-B

Last edited by ballast; 02/20/19 06:31 PM.

Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
Joined: Jul 2017
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I know she is LD but you need to coordinate a meeting


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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