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Don't build up this event too much. One day, one sentence, one moment doesn't usually make or break. It's the overall history and pattern. Don't make it so big that you're nervous..


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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Thank you for the words it definitely helps hearing others perspective of it.

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This morning I woke up thinking what my wife said the other day to me. I try to push most to the side right now because I know shr is mad. She told me she is tired of helping people who give nothing in return. Does she honestly think I wasn't there this whole time supporting her? Is she so angry that she just says these things out of anger. It's understandable I've said some pretty messed up stuff angry. Does she ever think about all the times she needed me for anything. This has been on my mind I figure I'd vent it here.

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She is probably experiencing a wide range of emotions right now, just like you. This could be keeping her, and you, from seeing things clearly. It's also quite normal for the WAS (walk-away spouse) to rewrite history in order to justify their decision. It's out of your hands, so it's recommended not to worry about things you can't control and to focus that energy into a positive channel.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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You are absolutely righy it is out of my hands. I do have to stay positive and I will. I wrote out my feelings of it in a letter to her I wont send it I just find comfort in writing my thoughts.

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Good for you Mosher. Sounds like you have been through more than your fair share of cr@p. Keep working on your 180s and PMA. Things will get better in time whether your marriage survives or not. Only you have control over that, however, so just keep working at it. (((HUGS)))

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Thank you for the kind word's. I been on the phone today with a bunch of different pastor's to get reconnected with God. I will be starting church again as soon as possible. My support group is very small and hardly reliable I think it's time for new stronger support to help with the process. Somedays are better then others today just isnt one of them. Doesnt help it's pouring outside how depressing give me the sun please.

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So a week ago I sent my daughter and wife a $63 bouquet of beautiful flowers. Tonight the wife messages me saying did you send a bouquet I told her no. My flower's werent supposed to be there until tommorow. She said well this is creepy someone sent me flowers and a note. I chuckled and said damn it's only been a month she hung up immediately. So I texted her saying it was a joke can I please talk to my daughter. Then I thought let me screenshot the flowers I sent and see if they were them. I sent the pic with in seconds she responds how do you know what they look like haha. All in all one of the best convo's ive had with my wife in a month.

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Hey Mosher,

It sounds like you have been through a lot. Its good that you recognize your failures in the marriage. Please understand that I am in no way judging as I have my own demons as well. But it sounds like you may have had some addiction issues that severely impacted you and in turn impacted your relationship with your family.

I will not assume anything about the situation and I am a firm believer that the disease of addiction can be treated with a loving and compassionate approach. I just want to give my feedback on addiction.

This horrible disease of addiction not only has a significant impact on you physically and emotionally, it also severely erodes any trust between a H and W in a marriage. Again Its great that you have taken a step back and seem to be genuinely sorry for what you have done.

The erosion of trust with your W is going to be extremely difficult to heal. In my opinion I would stop with any jokes or poking fun at the wife. It seems like your W has left the lines of communication open. I would suggest you take this time to prove to her with actions that you are seriously working on yourself and that you are making the necessary and consistent changes to heal yourself.

These changes must be consistent and must last for a very long time. Consistent changes that last are your best bet to rebuild that trust with your W. Keep up the self care and prove it to


M:16
T:21
H(me) 38
WW: 38
S11 D16 D19
Red Flags of A: March 2018
ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018
Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018
BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018
D Filed: March 27, 2019
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No not an addict. Havent used in 9 years. I am definitely taling all the time I need to fix the problems that hindered my abilities to grow as a man.

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