I'm one month into my seperation. Kinda just looking for some guidance and people to talk to about the situation. My spousr is still hurt over the matter. I dont blame her I lost focus on myself and forgot to love myself. My anger came out at times never physical but emotional. Long story short she split a month ago and took the children. During this month I have started doing everything that was making me hate myself. And as of yesterday I remembered how much I do love myself. On a positive I do talk to my Wife once a day and we plan on positive family events in the future I do only talk to her when my 4 year old is on the phone. She told me she talked to a divorce lawyer but she hasnt made up her mind.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Welcome! You spelled "separation" incorrectly. We've never had spelling and grammar police here before but I figured I might lighten your mood by being a turd?!
Can you give us some details on you, your spouse, the marriage, your familes, kids, what happened, when it happened?
You are at a very important time in your marriage, your life, and your children's lives. There are more experienced folks who can help you navigate custody and divorce proceedings and I'll leave those things to them.
What has been going on? What are your convos like with your wife? Are you guys snapping at each other?
Read those links a lot! There's a lot of info to absorb and right now you need to be a sponge!
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
No problem on the grammar police I really am learning alot through this time away. I'm 30 years of age my wife is 29. We had a pretty happy marriage up until I broke my back a couple years ago. My wife had to go back to work. 6 months after that I returned to one of three jobs I had at the time. Land Surveyor I make decent money but I was only pullung 3 days a week. Winter times are always stressful because of my job. My day's off I was with the kid's she became more distant during these times. At the time it was the only option we had. She was brought up sheltered and spoiled she holds grudges from 15 years ago. And she can be controlling she has been in multiple abusive relationships before me. I brought alot of baggage to the relationship when I said I didnt remember how to love myself. At 21 I killed my cousin drinking and driving got sued by the dad when I was in prison for $68k. Any check I get will get garnished. I'm fixing this by filling ch.7 bankruptcy. At this point I dont have much to lose the only thing that matters to me is making these changes and coming back to my family happy.I will definitely check all the links out I find comfort in most things I read. The first week was bad that's probavly talked to the divorce lawyer. I havr a feeling in time she will lighten up to me. I always told my daughter mommy and me have a bond for a lifetime and I think she knows that. I honestly do look at the situation as her giving me the time to fix myself and come back happy. I've also hit bottom twice in my life before so yeah the pauns there I know how to suppress alot of it. Prayer and patience things will work out.
Just realised I only answered some of your questions. The kids are great D4 yeat old see's iy and it bothers her alot she ooens up to me more because I was always there. S1 he doesny have a clue except he get's happy when he see's me once a week. My whole situation started off with me catching my wife in a $10 lie over a stupid pin she wanted to get. She said she felt guilty over it and I asked her why lie over something small. If you can lie to me about this you can lie to me about anything. So this is when she turns it around on me. And does the whole I think we need a break from eachother. Last winter she did the samething to me. 3 days after that she called me back begging for forgivness. I look forward to my family events in the future. Like I said my wife will loosen up once she realize's that I'm back. The last 6months together were a complete blur to me I remember it all it just feels like a dream.
Last edited by Cadet; 02/12/1911:59 PM. Reason: remove names
Yes I have been reading alot this last month. It really opened my eyes to the ahole I was. I am already enrolled in a bunch of programs anger management, marriage counseling, and I even have a life coach. I will definitely keep everyone up to date. The big day coming up for us is this new posutuve family get together I suggested it and she agreed the next day. I dont think I'm nervous about it. But I can use some insighy most likely.
I guess I should add are convo's are just nornal day to day convo's we had as a married couple. I told her let's push are differences aside and focus mainly on positive family get togethers let's worry about the other stuff later when we are ready to talk about it. We never bring up the relationship and I never engage the convo she usually messages me are bumps in on my daughter and I's convo.
Thanks Adam. I'm definitely taking this time to fix what has been plaguing me. I do have more respect and confidence in myself just by handling everything on my own. Life has been crazy but every negative is always a good learning experience. It definitely will be turned into a positive with or without my spouse.
