Travel safely. Your weather sounds like it's going to get nasty this afternoon. We are suppose to have a mix of snow and rain Saturday/Sunday...but Mother Nature tends to change her mind quickly in this neck of the woods.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
A couple of texts later yesterday. I initiated by sending her one this morning letting her know that I made it in to the plant OK - stormy weather expected here today. A few back and forth and we both agreed that we are looking forward to our date next week.
One difference between the South and Canada: you mentioned stormy weather and I automatically thought rain, thunderstorms, tornadic activity. I read on later to find out you meant sleet and snow. Yeah, we don't get that here.
So tickled pink for you with your texting and date with this lady. Fingers and toes crossed for ya!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Yes - I'm posting a bit more lately but want to keep on top of my thoughts.
So - Dear Diary.
What a drive last night. Fortunately visibility was great so that I could see myself sliding around the slick roads and panic because I could see the ditch I might slide in to. Did it slow and steady and got home eventually. Even though quite a number of people were passing me without apparently sliding, I felt my own car slip so kept it slow and steady. I'd thought of texting the new lady (need to come up with a secret code name for her) that I got home OK but didn't. I didn't really want to intrude on her evening plans whatever they may have been. I perhaps shouldn't have gone in to work yesterday but the forecast gave me clear windows around getting down and coming back and I had an appointment for (yet another) tattoo laser session. Just like last time they didn't charge me calling it a "touch up" which was very nice. I need to get them a gift basket or something. I'll certainly post a positive review online which I expect they would appreciate more than baked goods.
It's been well over a year of getting that zapping done - I suspect that there's at least one more treatment to go. Certainly a cautionary tale for anyone thinking of getting ink.
Because of weather S24 didn't work and was wandering around the house aimlessly complaining that A - He was hungry B - There wasn't anything he wanted to eat. He'd texted me about picking up Chinese but the shop was closed. C - That he'd already had lots to eat that day and probably shouldn't.
Eventually he made himself his usual PB & J sandwich and actually ate it in the kitchen. And then shocked me by picking up the dish towel and helping to dry the dishes. Who is this young man and what did he do with my son? I actually can not remember him doing that since he moved home.
His one friend is the manager of the pub here in the village and S24 said that he was going to be working there on Valentines to help out. Certainly different than ditch digging. He said that they also want him to work a few more days. He did work there as his first job when he moved home and previously as a teenager so he's familiar with it. If he did that regularly he would be at the point I think where he could consider being self-sufficient with those two jobs.
He did seem perturbed / disturbed when I talked about my new potential lady friend in a way that he didn't with CL. Her, he didn't really care about one way or another except when it appeared that things might turn serious and that didn't bother him for long I think. I was a bit weirded out this morning when I noticed that he had written the ingredients for banana / chocolate chip muffins on the grocery list. One of his mother's main comfort foods she would bake. In part because the lady I'd been texting had been musing about what to do with some bananas she had before they went bad - yes - "normal" but also with S24 a weird co-incidence. Maybe I'd mentioned it while I was visiting with him? I can't seem to shake the feeling that something was up with his last and rather lengthy visit with his mother. But then again I've had those sort of feelings for years now and nothing has changed.
I was just browsing OneArt's thread and realized that there are perhaps current similarities in our stories. Aren't there in all of ours? Her OD is reconnecting with at least one of her kids just like my ex appears to be with her son. Our timelines are similar as well. She has more insight in to the drama going on where I have essentially none but I would not be surprised if my ex also has a tumultuous relationship with her guy. I recall her telling me that when she was 16 or 17 she left home to live with a guy and that it ended when she threw each and every plate they owned at him. There wasn't any of that in our marriage but then again, I am pretty conflict avoidant and also don't tend to get bent out of shape about things. She has quite the temper combined with a strong sense of entitlement which can't be easy for many people to deal with.
------------------------------------------------------------------ I had been planning on texting NL this morning but was beaten to the punch. I did respond that I had just been thinking about her - which was indeed true. Just generic - hope you had a great night and a good day. Normal. Not intrusive. She did mention that her son is off with his girlfriend for the week. She had told me before that either he needs to move out by summer or she will - looks like he has an exit plan.
One nice statistic that will make the ladies here smile. Total dick pics requested - 0. Total dick pics sent - 0
In fact no pictures of any sort sent. I do believe that at least one of the two pictures she had on her profile was fairly old but do recall her. The second picture I think was more recent but is hard to make out but looks like a more mature version of the other. It appears to just be a picture posted by someone with minimal computer skills which is reasonable. It's good enough with the posted pictures to recognize her next week. If her pictures turn out to be not representative - which I doubt - the person I've been texting with seems nice and caring and that's what matters.
She does now know my full name and any random browsing would reveal all sorts of things about me. It may be a bit sexist but I do believe that women need to be more careful than men in meeting new people. Bunny boilers and stalkers are a thing that men have to worry about yes but I would hope are rare. If she does do some random searches she'll hopefully see that I am exactly who I've portrayed myself to be. I've not pushed at all for more information about her although she's shared generally where she lives in the context of having an easy commute to work.
I'm figuring we'll stick to texting until our date unless she invites me to call. I did look over her profile a bit more. She lists herself as separated and Catholic but I do know that she's been living up here with her son for over a year.
----------------------------------------
Well - after I cleaned out the driveway the piano tuner called as expected and re-scheduled to next week. Good thing I can't play the darned thing anyway. It is quite blustery here and the snow has picked up again. I'll probably do the drive again before bed. I've pulled out some scotch pies for dinner and will make some chips to go with them. I expect S24 will be pleased to be fed.
I'm still trying to figure out what to do with the left-over beer bread but it's sliced and in the freezer. I pulled one slice out for myself for my dinner. D26 suggested French Toast.
Spousal support payment sent off to my ex this morning. 2 days early but today is the last day that I do my book-keeping before it is due on the 15th. I have always been early with it. She certainly has nothing to complain about with that.
Reading a couple of other threads here makes me realize how different I am from quite a number of men who've ended up here. At least the younger crowd. Some of the more recent comments that reading superficially are objectifying women and the relationships that men and women can have have made me want to go away and bathe in really hot water with a lavender bath bomb and bubbles. Maybe I've lived long enough in my own skin to not worry about being alpha or having status or attracting choice women. CL as a younger beautiful executive type certainly qualified I suppose. Haven't heard from her in a while. I hope she's doing well but I'm not planning on reaching out to her.
The one I'm presently texting seems nice and appears to be just a regular gal. I will need to at some point ask the awkward questions about why she's ended up single to watch for red flags. Given the fact that her son lives with her and the close relationship she seems to have with her large extended family I would imagine that it was through no fault of her own that she ended up on the beach.
Well - enough for now.
Until later.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Wondering who is this nice young man and what has he done with S24?
First helping with the dishes. Then a very neat and tidy bedroom. Then cleaning out the driveway unasked.
I like this guy. I hope S24 is enjoying whatever purgatory he's been assigned to.
I expect S24 will eventually have a dramatic escape from wherever he is and things will return to normal but I can be forgiven for enjoying this impostor.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
So totally in the for what it's worth (FWIW) category, especially since you're pretty new to the whole OLD thing, even though no red flares have been launched, the gun may have been loaded. Women posting old or poor photos that hide the truth are sadly all too common. It almost sounds like you are preparing yourself for that? It's very admirable that her looks would not bother you (I know it would some others here including me) but the deception part is perhaps more concerning. I used to see this complaint all the time from OLD peeps. A fair number of profiles often said please have recent photos and if you don't show up looking like your photos I will walk out. It is so very common, then there are the photo filters, shots that only show from the neck up, etc. it's sadly far too common.
One of the other complaints/comments I often saw was if you are separated and not yet divorced don't bother. Many simply won't date anyone in this category. It would appear there are both of these potentially at play. If it doesn't bother you, that's great. Just don't feel you have to accept it especially since perhaps the only thing worse than not finding someone may be finding someone not fully available or who goes back to the person they are still married to. It's your very first OLD, it's okay to say next if she doesn't check your boxes - or stretches the truth with the check marks she dies make.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I’m with you Andrew. I, too, have had the urge for a hot lavender bath after reading some of the comments. And I am not a bath person...lol. Unfortunately, OLD seems to be one of the only ways to really meet new people. I hate that people get judged simply from a photo. I have to say that I am not photogenic at all and look way better in person than I do in photos. Maybe that will work to my advantage...lol? I haven’t done the OLD thing since I met my H but I did pretty well for the six months I did it. I met five guys and four of five wanted another date. The one who didn’t was AOK with me as the feeling was mutual. Unfortunately, ALL of these guys came with issues. One guy had an on again off again girlfriend who called me crying. I told him to go back to her and he told me he would always wonder if I was “the one”. Another guy swept me off my feet... chocolates, flowers, jewelry, trip to Vegas... all in one month and then freaked out and dropped off the map. That was interesting. Another guy was very wealthy and told me I was not his normal type... I didn’t look like a super model,I had a brain, a social conscience and I paid my own bills. He was six weeks of fun but I didn’t invest in him emotionally... I knew he was there for a good time not a long time. The last time I saw him, he was talking about how he should give me a key to his condo and then he disappeared. The final one was my H. Love at first sight and that led to me ignoring some early warning signs that spoke to his character. I thought love would fix it all. I was obviously wrong. Anyway... I recall that before I met any of these guys, I talked to them via webcam (with the exception of the guy that didn’t work out) so there were no surprises. I knew before we met in person that there was an attraction both ways. Of course, that was 14 years ago and OLD was in its infancy. There was no swiping left and right...lol. And I was in my 30s so there is that. Making myself anxious just thinking about it. Anyway...I hope you find someone you click with or, at the very least, have a fun time looking. (((HUGS)))
If her pictures turn out to be not representative - which I doubt - the person I've been texting with seems nice and caring and that's what matters.
This is really, really, really sweet and very refreshing to hear. I have not heard one man say this ever. If I ever did, I would drop all defenses.
I absolutely hate hearing the complaints from men about feeling deceived by women that put up insincere pics. Its annoying that they care so much. Its even more annoying that they come from guys that are blind to their own images and put up their own misleading pics and height stats- talk about double standards.
Andrew, you are one of a kind and you deserve a great girl.
Originally Posted by AndrewP
Reading a couple of other threads here makes me realize how different I am from quite a number of men who've ended up here. At least the younger crowd. Some of the more recent comments that reading superficially are objectifying women and the relationships that men and women can have have made me want to go away and bathe in really hot water with a lavender bath bomb and bubbles. Maybe I've lived long enough in my own skin to not worry about being alpha or having status or attracting choice women.
Yup. Agreed. But what is being said is the reality that is out there. Maybe its dependent on our culture and where we are from? I know you live in a pretty rural area so maybe you are dealing with a community with different values? I will say that your comments do leave me with a bit of hope, as I tend to be more of a cynic.
Zues once wrote a post on the layers of a person. The outer layer being looks, next layer being job and education, deeper layer being personality, an even deeper layer being religion and politics, and then the deepest layer being morality. It went something like that anyhow... To me it makes sense to look at the deeper layers of what is making that person up. I dont want to end up in another situation like I was with my ex. But its not very transparent and we get misguided by the more superficial layers.
I absolutely hate hearing the complaints from men about feeling deceived by women that put up insincere pics. Its annoying that they care so much. Its even more annoying that they come from guys that are blind to their own images and put up their own misleading pics and height stats- talk about double standards.
This one really confuses me juju. I'm not sure if you are so colored by things that happened to you in your past or are just missing the point here. You'd be okay if a guy "deceived" you about their life goals or wanting kids or marital status? How is putting up 10 year old pictures or pictures of someone else not the same? I totally agree with owning who you are. I give Dawn huge credit for putting up very honest pics. I think that's all guys want. Now choosing to date someone ONLY on looks is shallow. But having soneone say they have an average body type, putting up a head and shoulders only pic and then showing up as a size 20 or 10 years older than her pic is just down right lying. I don't see it an different as a guy saying he's divorced when he is still married and living with his wife. The fact she is perhaps BBW is less of a concern than the fact she lied right out of the gate is a deal breaker and I'd think it would be for you as well. How is any kind of deception okay with you - whether it's deceiving how one looks or who one is? Lie to me and I'm done - especially when the lies happen before the first date does!
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Don - i was extremely honest regarding my pics as well. Minimal makeup. No filters. Up to date and no selfies. I hate how i look in photos too. And ive talked about this, i cant even look in a mirror if i get over a certain weight. Personally, i would not want to have a guy think something and then be dissapointed.
That being said, i think maybe the people that put those photos up just dont have that same self awareness or self critique that i do. I dont think they are meaning to deceive. . Just that they see a good pic of themselves and say, hey his is what i lool like? Great! Im posting. My world is good.
I get what your saying. Putting their best pics could be a red flag for a type of arrogance and denial. But it feels different then someone lying about their divorce status or desire for kids which is pretty black and white. You will see what they look like on a 15 minute coffee date and can choose then.
Also if you only see a head shot or if all their pics are filtered amd look like a professional took them oit should be obvious they are not gonna look like that. So why bother.
Whats the difference between false pics and fake boobs? Or hair extensions? Or spanx? Or makeup? Or high lights ? Or face lifts and tummy tucks though? Why is it common knowledge to subtract 1 or 2 inches on a mans posted height? Models and actresses certainly dont look the way they photograph either. But no one feels deceived that they paid 20 bucks to watch their movie.
To hear Andrew say he didn't care about looks cause the lady seemed sweet was just really nice. He also lnew the pics werent accurate going in and didnt care cause he liked her communication style which i guess for him is priority
