What is the mediation appointment for? Did you file for divorce?
Education is important, I went to private schools for 12 years. The biggest factor in my education was my father sitting down with me and my brother every night and doing homework and studying together. It was one of the very few things he got right in parenting. Were you always planning on sending your daughter to private education?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Brief from phone. No time. I have been alone for months. W and I have had brief reconnects. I’m fine being alone. And literally forced myself to be alone about 6 months ago to get through that fear. Codependent in previous relationship. Yea I was. And will never be thet way again. For the longest time I was hopeful for the family but I wanted W to change. She is who she is. I am detached. I accept life. I believe I’m on the right path and the universe continues to show me with positive things when I’m in a positive place. Family and my daughter does not make a healthy relationship with W. It’s not even close. We can barely communicate. I am taking my own advice to a tee and living the things I write about.
Private school no. Public after kindergarten. Private because I’m moving. And because she’s an August birthday and will be the youngest in her class. Great point on homework. Thanks ovr and ginger. Appreciate the perspectives.
Last edited by Did; 02/16/1903:49 PM.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
Hey Did. Glad you are moving on. I for one am glad you are getting attention from another woman. Just take it slow. I also have met a new woman. Its very nice to meet a woman that provides positive attention and support. Just need to not take it too fast.
I agree that you need to make sure you are detached from your W. I am 100% detached and have been. I am one click above hating my STBXW. However, I will try my best to not hate her. Her actions make it easy to do so. Good luck Did and remember SLOW and steady with the new woman.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
W and I agreed on all D terms yesterday. Very mature meeting, just the two of us. Filed for D. Signing today with notary then submitting to court. Feeling of light, positive, bright future. I want the D. XW lip trembling, tears multiple times. Said Im a person too in regard to me trying to push this along. Mind you we have been separated since June 2017.
$750 / mo child support after 1 year of $2325. I offered $1000 CS. Said Id pay for K private school and health insurance or at $750 or W pay 25% at $1000. Child support to be renogiated annually based on her income.
Rental property W agreed to paint interior. About to put 5k into house before new renters. She gets up to $7500 of equity if she has financial diress up to 2022. At any point up until 2022 she can waive that $6500 and accept $3000.
50/50 custody. D4 go to public school after K. I had help from lawyer and new woman who is familiar with child custody and beenm to court. OVerall I am good with agreements.
New business opportunites. Travel opportunities. Mentioned new woman meeting STBXW. Potentially ask STBXW if she wants to this weekend. Out of respect for her as D4 mom I would like her to meet New woman. NW going to help me decorate D4 room. She is an extremely supporitve and strong. Almost too good to be true but we are both such positive people we deserve happiness. It seems like its the way it should be.
For those currently going through the struggle. Embrace DB principles. Let go of control. Work on yourself. Let go of relationship. If partner comes back great, amazing. If not, the future is better without them.
Cheers, see you on the other side.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
Did glad to see you healthy and happy and moving forward. I still think you should have waited until after D to start dating, but I realize that I am old-fashioned and modern society doesn't see it that way. But otherwise, very happy for you.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I still think you should have waited until after D to start dating, but I realize that I am old-fashioned and modern society doesn't see it that way.
That sadly may be true. However, the modern professional community of counsellors and therapists thankfully still do. I'm always very surprised to see the number of people who bounce so quickly to a new R - often with the first or second person they date. hopefully it works out.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I appreciate the respectful tone of your messages. However, ultimately I think the decision to date or not to date while separated is a personal one. Especially in the case of a LBS, the MR is generally over and done with even if the paperwork hasn't been (or can't be completed.) I don't see the benefit in passing judgement on people who are doing the best they can to move on with their lives.
Did, congrats on getting to such a good place. It's been a quite ride following your sitch, and I'm happy to see you end up where you are!
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
I appreciate the respectful tone of your messages. However, ultimately I think the decision to date or not to date while separated is a personal one. Especially in the case of a LBS, the MR is generally over and done with even if the paperwork hasn't been (or can't be completed.) I don't see the benefit in passing judgement on people who are doing the best they can to move on with their lives.
Did, congrats on getting to such a good place. It's been a quite ride following your sitch, and I'm happy to see you end up where you are!
Davide, while I agree with you and do not believe this should be mandated to the individual in any way, I have been around for nearly 50 years now and can tell you that the wrong decision can backfire. When Did's D4 is 18, and his W tells her "your dad and step-mom were together before we were divorced" he won't be able to refute that. I've seen it happen.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I did not date until my D was final and I can look both of my daughters in the eye and tell them that I never cheated on their mom and I honored my vows until the end. On a personal level I healed on my own and did not seek out another person to help get me through it with validation.
To each their own however for me it goes against my core values.
This is going to fall on deaf ears but I’ll give it a shot.
Your timeline indicates you began dating this woman early February, entered a “committed relationship” mid feb, and before you even leave feb she is involved in your 4 year olds daughter’s life and you are introducing her to your current wife?
You don’t see a problem with this?
Date all you want before technical divorce. For your own personal growth a committed relationship after a few dates isn’t healthy but it is what it is.
But I encourage you to think twice about the involvent of your four year old daughter with another woman you’ve known for a month while going through a divorce . I urge you.
In 11 years I’ve inteoduced d my daughter to 3 guys. All years after divorce. One I regret. I did it soon only because she knew him already. But I shouldn’t have had us spend so much together. Because it ended in 3 months. There one day, gone tomorrow.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 6 months and when we really got to know each other and saw a future, we then autiously decided to introduce our kids 2 weeks ago.
You have he added transition of actively going through a divorce.
It should be one step at a time for you, but if not that, at least for her
