When I give her the document Im going to tell her I want to make the divorce happen as easily and inexpensively as possible. Neither of us want to go to court. There are ways to just get the paperwork done for $500.
Does this include when there is a child involved in your state? Also, you mention 50/50 custody, is he going to agree to that?
Mediation is fine if you can agree. But have a lawyer ready because a lot of time mediation doesn't work.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve - She is 100% on board with 50/50 custody. She tells me Im a great dad. Not sure if we go through mediator or I just file. Being the person I am I want to communicate honestly and openly with her. Lets just get it done the marriage is over. Based on the numbers in the document youre getting 75k. If she wants to go to court I would consider figthing for more custody but doubt we go that route.
As- The fog... WTF where does that come from? I dont get it. Where is reality. Hello checking in, reality here...
The reason I talked about OW. Is not just to say shes better. But its crazy how a gorgeous wealthy healthy doctor thinks Im a catch but a woman supported by me, who shares a child with me doesn't see it.... I tell people my goals they say thats awesome! I tell wife she says thats your ego. Umm who should be saying go F yourself here?!
I've written about this but - confident attracts confident, need attracts needy. I'm on to the higher vibration positive energy abundance mindset, go out and get it, be great, live your best life. Level up with me and ride the wave or get the F off the boat.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
Steve - She is 100% on board with 50/50 custody. She tells me Im a great dad. Not sure if we go through mediator or I just file. Being the person I am I want to communicate honestly and openly with her. Lets just get it done the marriage is over. Based on the numbers in the document youre getting 75k. If she wants to go to court I would consider figthing for more custody but doubt we go that route.
Filing for D doesn't preclude mediation. You can file for D, and still go through mediation.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
As- The fog... WTF where does that come from? I dont get it. Where is reality. Hello checking in, reality here...
I'm convinced in many cases it's some kind of physical or mental malady that is currently not understood. Maybe it never will be, but I suspect that some day we will understand these things better. We'll identify the problem before it goes too far and address it through medical intervention. Now that doesn't apply to all situations of course, there are cases of mental and physical abuse that certainly warrant a spouse leaving. But in most of the sitches here where the spouse has basically been body-snatched and re-written history, no that is not normal.
Quote
But its crazy how a gorgeous wealthy healthy doctor thinks Im a catch but a woman supported by me, who shares a child with me doesn't see it.... I tell people my goals they say thats awesome! I tell wife she says thats your ego.
It comes down to the respect issue Sandi talks about a lot. Your W for whatever reason has lost respect for you, and as such, nothing you say or do is good enough for her. It's sad when a stranger has more respect for you than the person you've been married to for years, but nevertheless here we are. My ex is showing me much more respect now then she has since BD, so that does change as well. It's come back slowly and in phases. Is it because I've changed? Maybe but I think it has more to do with her slowly emerging from the fog.
There is no sense mediating on things you already agree upon. My Xw and I sat at the kitchen table and agreed to it all. We just hired a L to write up the paperwork. $1250 and it was done.
Told w I wanted to divorce as smoothly and easily as possible. We have already agreed to terms. May talk tomorrow or next week. My birthday is Sunday. Pretty sad but it is what it is. I know I deserve a woman who respects me and is consistent. Not someone who treats me as is mentioned in previous couple posts. Still emotionally draining and just a low feeling. Thanks all for the support.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
Did, take care of business and of yourself. Sounds like you got a lot of things going on and that you got a grip on them. Give yourself time to grieve but also enjoy your life and the next chapter. Enjoy your birthday.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
Hey all, I just wanted to check in. I've accepted my marriage is over. I am hoping to have a healthy, positive co-parenting relationship and provide the best possible life for D4. It's sad but I know I tried my best. I made mistakes of course. But W never wanted to work on the marriage, never committed to it since leaving June 2017. She still takes no accountability and continues to put herself in a victim state, relying on others and making bad decisions. She has no drive and that is not what I'm attracted to. I want a high class / high quality life and she is more of a netflix and chill person. So we are different. It was a 10 year relationship. Its sad but that ship has sailed. Im closing the door. We have mediation again 2/26. I am no longer going to enable. We tentatively agreed to put D4 in private kindergarten since I may be moving I cant push for public in the quality school district Im in. That being said I am not going to pay 100%. I may offer to pay 75% of the $8k kindergarten.
This separation was long as F. It included hundreds of sleepless nights for me. But also lots of self reflection feeling fears and doing them anyway, and finding myself. Through this journey I have become self aware, emotionally intelligent, stronger, more confident and a 10x better man. This is what DB is about and this amazing community is has helped me and so many others. Unfortunately, it didn't save my marriage. But more importantly it did set me up for an incredible future and life. I know I will impact hundreds or thousands of people. And I can not allow one woman to drag me down.
I recently committed to a new relationship with a woman who is ironically a psychologist, she's extremely successful with multiple practices, attractive, strong, independent and also a bit of a bad as*. She's one of the most desired women in the city which I live closest to. I feel very grateful and hopeful for this new relationship. The communication and connection is incredible. It feels right, I believe in the law of attraction and I have been visualizing a relationship with a woman like her. You get what you put out, your words and thoughts have power, your self identity is key. Confident attracts confident, needy attracts needy. I know the journey many of you are [censored] and is so difficult. But I'm telling you if you accept what life hands you, follow DB principles which promote positivity, growth and internal happiness you can use this situation to open doors rather than close them. I may not post here too often but you can follow my journey as I work towards my goals of being a life coach and published author (one of my visualizations is my book on the NY Times best seller list).
My blog is here- https://thecatalystforchangedot.wordpress.com/blog/ I am getting some tremendous feedback on the most recent post. I also started a facebook book to help build people up similar to this forum but with a bit more of a personal touch. It's a private group - Expired Relationships, Divorce, Separation- Opening Doors To Your Best Life
Thank you and cheers to your best life!
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
I am going to be 100% bluntly honest. A post maybe a week ago has shown you were not detached at all from your ex. Now you are in a committed relationship with not detaching from this one?
Did, I follow you. Checked out your blog. Would you suggest this as something to do to one of your clients? Because you were/care very codependent, haven't spent time alone, and only seem to say the R is over now that you have "committed" to a new woman. And a phychologist of all people would know this isn't healthy.
I respect your journey to be the best you that you could be. But you have to walk what you are going to preach to others. You were ready to take you wife back a week ago if "she leveled up" and now you are in a committed relationship to another woman. You have one foot in one R and and never fully out before you jumped into another. If you want to be the coach and guide others in this world, ask yourself if you would suggest keeping on your journey and growth while having both feet out of an R for a while (especially when you displayed such a high level of codepencence) or you would tell your clients to just move to the next.
I've been here 11 years and I have never seen it work out well this way. Sorry to be so honest and a Debbie Downer, but I have also learned you have to practice what you preach.
