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Hamburg #2844739 04/06/19 10:03 PM
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Birthday party was good. Kids had an absolute blast.

Wife was moping around and we didn't even speak. I remained upbeat. I got dirty looks from her as I talked and laughed with her family. She left for about 20 minutes, pretty sure she was crying. We both kept to a small group of friends. It was weird at first but I got used to it. The most important thing is the kids seemed not to notice the hostility.

As we left, I got no acknowledgement from W. Her family was very grateful.

Hamburg #2844740 04/06/19 10:29 PM
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My XH had a terrible L and My L knew that

MY XH didn't care..

He didn't have much money left to spend by the time of the D, and he had to sell his motorcycle to pay fees..It was expensive

But for me worth it-
I wanted to make sure me and my kids got all we could
they were young, and I was a stay at home Mom up to that point-


Im glad the party went ok

You are doing really well-


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
Hamburg #2844742 04/06/19 11:27 PM
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Life's better on the high road. You did well.

Hamburg #2844744 04/07/19 12:41 AM
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Good job Hamburg. Well done.


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
Hamburg #2844768 04/07/19 01:16 PM
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I am so glad that the party was a blast for the kids. As for your wife, I'm glad she came...but she felt uncomfortable being there seeing that everyone was having a good time. When she left, she took home a lot of happy memories to mull over in the days ahead.

I'm glad your in-laws are civil and appear to be there for you and the kids. That says a lot about what they think is going on w/their daughter.

You did a great job!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hamburg #2844786 04/07/19 04:26 PM
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Well I thought the weekend would go smoothly. Her parents and I were supposed to have breakfast today before they left town. Her mom and dad are divorced, but remain good friends and travel together sometimes. Mom stayed with W and dad stayed with brother in law. Her dad got a text around 11pm asking they leave town first thing in the morning. I got a text early, apologizing they can't attend breakfast and must leave ASAP. No details yet, but it cannot be remotely positive.

A little backstory. At Christmas, W gave parents an ultimatum that they accept she, OM, and kids as a package deal or they will not get to see the kids. MIL called me and I picked her up, put her in hotel and got her a rental car the next day. Her dad later flew home. They have had minimal contact with W since that time.

I am doing OK, just want this to be over. I pray my kids are not witness to this kind of stuff. Her family wants to do an intervention, but that would likely end in nuclear war.

Is it appropriate to ask some of our common friends to check on W periodically? She looked terrible yesterday, and I am the LAST person she will come to for help. I am deeply concerned for her as well as the kids.

Hamburg #2844801 04/07/19 06:36 PM
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Hello Hamburg

It does sound like something happen between W and her Mom again. I agree with you, an intervention from her family would end badly.

Originally Posted by Hamburg
Is it appropriate to ask some of our common friends to check on W periodically? She looked terrible yesterday, and I am the LAST person she will come to for help. I am deeply concerned for her as well as the kids.


Yes, you are pretty much the last person she will come to, or listen to, or take help from. Common friends that attempt to “help” are usually quickly discarded as well.

Friends, family, etc... that wish to contact W, can. I wouldn’t push anyone to visit or check in on her. Common friends pick a side (your’s or her’s) or try to remain neutral. Asking someone to check in puts them in a difficult position, and they will suffer the consequences of W’s behaviour, which they could blame on you. Best to just let them all sort out their interactions with her.

I found my situation to be very polarizing and most of our common friends did not remain neutral, choosing her or me. Any that questioned her actions found out just how much she wanted them in her life. I also found it interesting with those who followed along with her fantasy.

I do understand how you would like to help her and how terrible she looks. MLCers don’t want help and won’t accept it. They don’t believe they need any help, and you really can’t force help onto a person.

Look after yourself and your kids. Be kind, be compassionate, and leave her to God.

DnJ


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
Hamburg #2844813 04/07/19 08:08 PM
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I agree w/DnJ...sounds like your wife wasn't playing very nice last evening w/her mother. Generally, while in the throes of MLC some actually do not get along w/their parents and/or siblings. Why? Because family is concerned and tries to reason w/them and point out the error of their ways. MLCers don't like that.

As for asking friends, etc. to check on your wife periodically...your wife is just fine. Looking bad is all part of the journey for them. They tend to get sick quite often, they don't eat properly, nor do they get a full night's sleep. Why? Depression at its finest and the demons at night like to play handball in their heads when all is quiet w/no distractions.

Keep the focus on you and your children. Your wife is doing all of the typical things that a crisis person does.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hamburg #2844912 04/08/19 05:34 PM
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So apparently, W was upset I invited her brother and his kids to the party. She did not acknowledge a single one of them, even her nieces and nephews. She later translated this onto her parents in a nuclear explosion. I'm sure it was embarrassing for her friends to witness my family and hers mingling and laughing together. We all just hung out like nothing has happened, just like old times. I did not invite them for that reason. My daughter made the guest list, chose the venue, cake, decorations, music and theme. I just paid for it.

I've learned that nothing should surprise me anymore but each day something new comes up and has us all scratching our heads. We must be miles away from rock bottom.

Hamburg #2844973 04/09/19 12:23 PM
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miles for sure

hang in there


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
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