Right now, I'm not in the "win her back" stage. I'm in the "stop letting her abuse me" stage.
She's an adult. She knows what she's doing...she's telling me "I'm in danger, but I'm fine, so I'll handle this later maybe if I want to, so can you give me the night off? I get off work at 4:30, so I just want a free night."
Also, I have already made plans. I have a guest coming in tonight from out of town. Due to standing court orders, they can't be at my house overnight when S is there. So I would have to cancel. She's not asking me for help, she's trying to use me. She's been overly polite in person, flirty, and now she wants to play mind games (really, I'm in danger, but I'm fine?).
That's the thing, I'm not falling for her manipulation anymore.
Ultimately, that's what it is. She knows it. I know it. If I allow it to go on forever, it will just go on forever.
You are light years from her reality B. Just don´t let any anger interfere with your plans. Detached and far away over the horizon. There´s even no need to any mind reading on her. Just let her be.
Just keep being there for your son, as usual.
Keep strong there man!. My best wishes for you and your S.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
I’m assuming Steve meant why NOT . A chance at extra time with s? Jump at the chance . Smile and wave buddy smile and wave !
No, she was looking for a reaction. My simple response was less reaction and more response. BM gave her the attention she was looking for. She is a grown butt woman, she knows the difference between an emergency and not an emergency.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Right now, I'm not in the "win her back" stage. I'm in the "stop letting her abuse me" stage.
She's an adult. She knows what she's doing...she's telling me "I'm in danger, but I'm fine, so I'll handle this later maybe if I want to, so can you give me the night off? I get off work at 4:30, so I just want a free night."
Also, I have already made plans. I have a guest coming in tonight from out of town. Due to standing court orders, they can't be at my house overnight when S is there. So I would have to cancel. She's not asking me for help, she's trying to use me. She's been overly polite in person, flirty, and now she wants to play mind games (really, I'm in danger, but I'm fine?).
That's the thing, I'm not falling for her manipulation anymore.
Ultimately, that's what it is. She knows it. I know it. If I allow it to go on forever, it will just go on forever.
You didn't give this context before. My response would have been:
"Ok let me know if you go into the doctor. I will make arrangements for him."
She was looking to rile you. Your response gave her the riled bm.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Fair enough, my focus would be on s and everything else behind . Being potentially manipulated would be a difficult situation to be in I am sure . I am on your side dood. I may have got it wrong and I apologise deeply.
So...W wrecked her car yesterday. S was with her, they're both fine, but the car is kinda not so good.
So today she messages me and tells me how that went down. Hydroplaned into the back of another car.
She also told me S was telling her dad that I said I didn't like him (I didn't say that to S). So, W said she explained it to her dad and says basically she defended me...?
She also told me about the house her and her mom are buying in town and that they'll be moving in, and how she's excited about it.
I haven't replied. Just left her on read.
Talked to a friend about this, the friend says she believes that W is responding well to me being more authoritative in my life, standing up to her, and actually acting like I don't care what happens (pretty sure that's the point of the GAL thing...so...maybe there IS something to that...).
No major changes, just interesting that W is trying harder to flirt and communicate now that I've been consistent in standing my ground.
BM, I feel like you've been here before. Be careful. Do not let her manipulate you. I feel like you've allowed that in the past.
It does seem familiar, doesn't it? Heh.
I'm definitely a lot more resistant to it these days. Being away from her and putting up with all of the previous manipulation and WW behavior has made me a lot less wishy-washy.
I haven't responded to her message still. Nothing in it really requires a response.
I haven't totally caught up on your sitch, but you definitely seem to be in a much better place than you were when I last read your sitch months ago. Keep up the good work. From the bit I've read, it seems like she's trying to manipulate you and keep you attached. Not replying to her messages unless absolutely necessary is gold. I wish more people had the ability to do that. It was a turning point for me...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
I found an interesting letter from W that she wrote me a while before she checked out. I wanted to share it and get other opinions on it. So far, the opinions I've gathered about it are...well...I don't want to say. But this was BEFORE she moved out.
===================
Hey babe,
I've been doing a lot of thinking since our last fight. I can't stand the way your mind always looks for the easiest way out. The path of least resistance. But I hate picking up, cleaning, doing the dishes, too. So, I'm trying to sympathize with that.
I just really feel like the household duties are disproportionately doled out. I wear way too many hats. And when I try to delegate some of my responsibilities to you, I almost always end up disappointed. Either the task was done wrong, or not finished, or not even done at all.
And that's so incredibly frustrating that I want to cry. I feel like I can't rely on you for help or relief. And I think to myself "why didn't he think to do it before I told him to? Why is it so hard to do things the right way, the first time?! I shouldn't have to babysit this man!"
Those thoughts run through my head every single day. I hope you can understand how and why I get so angry.
But today I've been trying to appreciate all the things you do for me that I overlook. I know I overlook the things you do and focus on the things you don't. It's easy to be mad. It's hard to be fair and understanding.
You helped me close last night [note: we worked a mutual PT job at a restaurant]. You were willing to watch me eat even though you were tired. You got out of bed and picked up the baby and kept him out of my hair long enough for me to get some sleep.
Tonight, instead of going to band practice, or to play Magic with friends, or anything else you might want to do, you're gonna stay home with our son so I can go to work. You'll probably spend your time thinking of me and how you could fix things.
And that's another thing I overlook and under-appreciate - you constantly trying to find ways to fix things so that I can be happy.
But happiness is a choice, and I've been choosing to be unhappy, so there's honestly nothing you could have done. No magic button to press. My happiness is up to me, but I've left it up to you. No one can make me happy if I do not chose to be happy with what I have.
I have you. never in my life has anyone loved me more completely or selflessly. Really, you're obsessed (in a good way). Most of the time you completely ignore how crazy I am. How mean. How rude. How ungrateful. You overlook my faults like you can't see them. And you just love me fiercely. And I'm awful to you.
I love how your lips are so warm in the morning when I kiss you. I love that you say "I love you, too" in your sleep. I love the way your eyes deepen when you look into mine. I love the way it feels when we hug each other. I love your silly jokes and all the inside jokes we share. I love you.
No matter how angry or mean I get, that doesn't change. I don't feel like my world is okay until we make up.
And I don't think a "perfect partner" exists, but I'm starting to think that it's not about finding someone that never lets you down.
It's about finding the person who wants you, even when you let them down.
