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Pax_luv Offline OP
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Hi there,
So just journaling...

I know not to read into anything, but this one has me scratching my head a bit. I just have to laugh. It’s so weird.

I get a text today from ex asking if I can bring him an old beanie hat. He asked for this beanie a couple years ago.. it was one we got on vacation a long time ago. Anyway, at the time, I told him I had no idea where it was. I was booted out of my house after all and had no idea where my belongings where.

And today, he texted asking me to bring it to him next time I pick up the dog. And reminded me that he asked for it years ago.

So... 1) this beanie is like 6 years old now 2) he (self proclaims) that he has no sentimentality 3) he hates me so much, why reach out? The beanie is worth breaking no contact with me?

It’s just bizarre. Truth is, I don’t know where this beanie is and I’m like... uhhhh... huh??? I kind of want to send him a link to amazon showing him alternatives for replacement.

So weird!


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Oh my! Evidently this beanie means something to him. Maybe he is having some very fond memories of that vacation and he remembers that beanie came from there. I would be honest with him and advise him that when he asked for it previously you had no idea where the beanie was and you haven't seen it. Maybe he needs to check his own place for the beanie? You might want to suggest that he look around in his stuff.

They do tend to ask for things at the oddest times. It's typical. I have experienced something very similar to this.

It is also a way to touch base to see if you are still out there.

P.S. He will most likely ask about this several more times because they think you have the stuff and won't give it to them.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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I think this is one of those things you have to chalk up to who knows? I think this is one you'll have to figure out looking back in time. Great signpost for others who will find themselves where you are in the future.

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LOL - my ex did similar. Looking for a piece of artwork that she already had. The kicker was when she was asked for an original copy of our marriage certificate she thought I had it. I responded - no - it was in the small box marked "Important papers - open me first".

I expect that there are lots of boxes of stuff that even after all this time that she's not opened.


On BD
H52, W50
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S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
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But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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Pax_luv Offline OP
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Thanks guys! It’s just weird.

In all honesty, when I got the text, I was indifferent. I think my gut response was- meh, weirdo.

Anyway, I’m not the type to be an arse, so I put off responding until later today or whenever I feel like it. And even though, I just want to say- yep I recall you asking. Haven’t seen it- part of me did get triggered.

It’s like- ohhh, you think it’s ok to drag out our divorce for years and years while lying and decieving at every corner... AND while trying to make a case that I have no rights to my house/assets, AND while trying to take my dog from me.... and you think it’s reasonable to request that I find a freaking beanie that you NEVER WORE from years ago and deliver it to you in 48 hours. You are out of your mind!!!


I don’t even know if I have this beanie, because I’m not fully unpacked. It very well could be in a box somewhere.. My life has been unsettled since 2015 thanks to his actions. I can’t even find a secure place to land and call home.
Why on earth would i lift a finger for him?!?!??!!?!?!


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Wow Pax, that is weird! It's just a hat!!

My H did something similar a while ago when he contacted me out of the blue and asked if he could come over and pick up all the packages that were delivered to our house which contained the bits for building some model Star Wars fighter thingy..... and I thought he was out partying all the time, instead he has been sitting in his flat playing with glue and plastic model bits!!! :0)

I agree, the way he has treated you, what a cheek to ask you to bring it to him!!


Me - 47
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Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
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Hey coly,
Yeah super weird and he’s got guts to ask anything of me. But hey... it’s his world. I was just an accessory.


Well, I ended up replying letting him know I haven’t seen it. He replied back within milliseconds saying that I said I had it, and would give it to him. That I didn’t want it, but knew that he wanted it. <—— MLC brain for sure I never said those things.

I didn’t reply to that.. No need to. That’s not a 180 for me. Whenever he tested me, I always shut down. There was no point in defending myself because I was always wrong. Always. Except this time, I’m not engaging because I have zero desire.

Anyway, it’s been a weird week with lots of ups and downs. I had two funerals this week and I only made it to one. One was for my best friends cousin who is my age (we were also friends), he passed of leukemia. So so sad. The last year he was in the hospital fighting for his life and now he is gone. Way too soon. So much life ahead of him.

The other was for a former employees mother. I always had a special bond with this person. She (the employee) was just diagnosed with breast cancer and tried to hide it from her mother because she knew it would have detrimental effects on her mom. Here we are -2 months later and her mother is gone now. She must be so scared trying to keep herself healthy and not totally knowing the future while dealing with the devastating loss of losing a parent. It’s just so sad.

And add this to a retirement luncheon I went to yesterday. This woman’s husband was present and he was just beaming with love and pride for his wife. I couldn’t stop watching him and his expressions. You could just see the love on his face. He could barely keep it together. It was nice to see a man have that much love for his wife. She’s well known for not being the easiest person to work with and for. Just a reminder that real love endures hard times. And my relationship with ex wasn’t real. It was a punch in the gut.

Well, with all of that, I feel a little off kilter today. I know I’ll bounce back. This all feels like a big reality check. I really need to end this saga with ex. It really is the last thread that’s keeping me down. I need to be free.


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Hi,
Popping in with a quick journal.

I actually really like when I have dreams about my ex because it gives me a glimpse into what is going on in my subconscious.

He was in my dream last night where we had gone to someone’s house because he was going to buy a gigantic python snake. He wanted it to just roam the house. In my head I knew the snake represented him, but I couldn’t tell him that. Ok so In the dream, we were divorced... not friends, but amicable. I knew it was weird to be with him, but I felt nothing. Zero, nada. In fact in the car, I just looked at him like he was an alien and had to bite my tongue a couple times because of the weird/ non-sense he would say (like living with a giant snake).

Anyway, on the way back in the car, I had a pang because we passed a house that was just like ours and I wanted to make the connection, but I didn’t want to expose the hurt I still had over it. Then a few minutes later, he made a comment about how nice it was that he had a housekeeper and all these amenities at his fingertips.

I lost it and finally got to scream all the obscenities at him that I’ve been holding back for he last 5 years. It was awesome. He didn’t react, just got stone cold silent and then dropped me off at my first apartment I moved into after bd.

Then I woke up.

I wish that dream was real!

I have a lot of built up resentment over the house and finances. Obviously! We put so much effort into flipping the house and making it liveable. We lived through floods and construction, and times when we had no heat or hot water. And built a house that doubled in equity. Honestly, I didn’t want to live there. I wanted to be settled in a house that was done...I wanted to enjoy our time as newlyweds. But since my ex has dollar signs where his eyes should be; we made the sacrifice and investment for our future. He never valued my opinion in the process of creating this home, and I even told him I didn’t feel welcome in my own house..... a few years later, the truth came out... he intentionally made sure my money didn’t go to this because he saw it as an investment only and not our home where we would be starting a family, etc.

So, that’s where my angst comes in. That guy took everything from me. I let him.
Fortunately, I gained a lot back in terms of self worth, etc. but I still have this insane financial situation to deal with and that is hard for me. . I’m struggling so, so, so much and he’s not. He’s living the good life- superficially.


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Originally Posted by Pax_luv
Just a reminder that real love endures hard times. And my relationship with ex wasn’t real. It was a punch in the gut.


I feel that gut punch when I see happy longterm couples as well. It has been a looonnnnng time since I saw my H beaming with pride over me. He saw it from me whenever he bothered to include me in his life but obviously he didn't notice...or care to notice. It IS nice to know that it is possible to have that kind of relationship though. For now, I am okay with seeing that look from my kids. smile

I have had similar dreams as you Pax... some of them day dreams. But I think you are a lot like me in that regard... it is more important to rise above than it is to give into the desire to try to hurt our H's as much as they hurt us. I think it is normal to feel that way when someone you love and trust betrays you in that way. Those feelings will fade however and in the end, I think both you and I will be proud of ourselves that we were true to our values and beliefs. In the meantime, however, it is really, really hard. (((HUGS)))

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Hi deja,
You’re always so considerate when posting to others. Thank you for stopping by.

After I was reading that post, I was immediately reminded of a wedding that I went to. Ex and I were talking to an older couple at the wedding who were friends of the grooms parents. They were complete strangers to us. My ex was always mr chatty, so he struck up a conversation. As usual, the topic of money came up and my ex put his hands over my ears so he could talk to this random stranger about how wealthy some of the girls he dated were and how famous their dads were.

Ok..... talk about being made to feel 3 inches tall. It hurt me, but I was used to it, so I let it go. You could see in our friends wedding pictures that I did not have a happy face when they managed to catch me in a candid group shot. My ex told me I basically ruined their photos. This was one month before I got the baby ultimatum so things were pretty much sliding downhill af that point.

Anywayyyyyyy.... the good news is, i thank god every day I’m not married to him. That’s the gift!!

So Valentine’s Day was uneventful. No sadness or loss or anything. It was a rainy day so I made myself a giant bowl of instant ramen for dinner. Ohhh, but not the 25 cent kind..... the 2 dollar “official and authentic” instant ramen.. (ooooohhhh fancy.) I even added an egg to it, because it was a special occasion and I’m worth it. Ha!

Hope you all managed to enjoy the day. even though it is a commercial holiday, I hope each of you managed to take a time out and reflect on the love you do have in your life. All the best to ya!


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