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Jim1234 Offline OP
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Just some journaling....

I don't know if W gave a copy of the Separation Agreement to her lawyer. Don't really care.

I got back late the evening of the 23rd from work, and expected S19 and D17 to be at my house to celebrate Christmas Eve one day early, as we were going to open presents and go to church on the 24th, because they were going back to W's after church through the 27th. I was hoping to spend the evening sitting by the fire, watching a Christmas movie, and sipping hot chocolate (we had talked about this), but by 11pm, I was exhausted and went to bed. They didn't show up until about 1230 am. With that much time to sit and ponder, I started feeling sorry for myself and getting emotional.

The next morning, I had to get up early to do things like grocery shop before waking them up to open gifts and get to church. Presents and church went really well, and we enjoyed ourselves immensely. After church, they went to W's and I drove a few hours south to spend Christmas with my parent's and brothers in D.C. I had a long ride to feel pretty miserable about life.

Christmas was nice, though. Went to one brother's for brunch, and stayed until about 5pm, when I went to another brother's for a visit. Everyone was very supportive.

I left on the 26th to drive home because I had to go to the dentist and W had to travel for work on the 27th. I was expecting the kids to be here today (I talked to them about being here this afternoon before they went to W's), but just spoke to them both and they are off doing their own things and will be here later.

On the whole, it was a nice Christmas, but I spent too much time in the car pondering how miserable this situation is.

I've spent almost no time at home since mid November, and can't wait to flop on the couch for a day tomorrow.


M:23 T:26
Me:53, Wife: 60
S:18
D:16
filed 7/16
W moved out 4/28/17
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Hi Jim,

The holidays are really tough. Sounds like your kids are also pretty independent now which must be a new feeling compared to when they were younger and always with you and your wife. You have a right to feel miserable during times such as these because you never wanted this. Going from a family of four to just being on your own with part-time kids is a difficult adjustment. At least the holidays are soon over and there's the hope of the new year being better than the last.

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I have been doing pretty well, but the last few days were really rough. I've snapped out of a bit today. We just have to keep on keeping on. It will get better.

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Jim1234 Offline OP
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Journaling:

The holidays are over; i survived. S18 spends most of his time with his friends or at work, waiting to go back to school. D17 is back to her routine, with the exception I'll talk about a little later..

W's lawyer has filed the separation agreement and QDRO paperwork. Afterward, I had some issues with W's lawyer sending letters to Domestic Relations inaccurately quoting our separation agreement, requesting alimony be raised by invoking a clearly inapplicable clause. Had to pay my lawyer to deal with that. W was travelling when it happened, but thru email, I let her know what was going on. She is pissed that her lawyer cost us both money for this. Initially, I asked to be compensated for my legal costs due to her lawyer's incompetence, but frankly, i am just tired of this, and told her that it's almost over and I would pay my lawyer if she would exercise a bit more control over hers.

So, it's almost over, and I'm resigned to it. I wish things were different, but they aren't, and I'm trying to move on with my life. Tonight I'm having a couple's poker party. Nickle, dime poker. It's really social hour with cards. Looking forward to it. W's not invited, of course. On the other hand, this woman I've been dating is. Things are going pretty well with her. She knows I'm not completely over my W, but I'm giving her what she wants, and she is patient with me. She has her own D issues, so we each listen with a sympathetic ear.

The only issue is that shortly after my last post, D17 had a car accident. She wasn't hurt; just a bit shaken. No one else was involved, thankfully, but there was some pretty good damage to the car. It's my car, so W doesn't have any say, thankfully. The car is being fixed, and D17 gets to enjoy the consequences of talking on her cell while driving, including not being able to meet her friends, and paying fines, 'cause I'm not driving her, or paying them. I'm not obstructing her from meeting her friends, but I am usually busy when she wants me to drive her somewhere. I've tried to be very loving in explaining the consequences of failing to pay the fine (my son said I am scaring her, so maybe I'm not doing as good a job as I think..... but she should be a little scared so maybe I'm doing it perfectly) and helpful in figuring out how to pay the fine, and whether it would be beneficial to plea down to a lesser charge (it isn't), but I've made it clear that it wasn't me driving and talking on my cell, and it's not my fine to pay. Hopefully, having to use all her birthday and Christmas money to pay the fine will also make a huge impression on her.


M:23 T:26
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S:18
D:16
filed 7/16
W moved out 4/28/17
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Jim1234 Offline OP
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I got an interesting text from W after the poker party that she sent yesterday afternoon. "... Just so you now, if I was doing it and inviting all our mutual friends I would have included you." She's obviously upset I was having a party and she wasn't invited. Cake eating. Don't care. I've already told her via email that I can't be her friend anymore.


M:23 T:26
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S:18
D:16
filed 7/16
W moved out 4/28/17
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Hi Jim, it's amusing how your wife heard about the party. Does your wife know you're dating someone? If so I hope she realizes she can't be there alongside your girlfriend....she either has to work to get you back or she has to let you enjoy your time with a woman who wants to be with you. It can't be both ways! There's quite a bit of hypocrisy amongst some of the spouses here on this forum who want to get divorced and yet they expect to still be invited to events, or sleep over, or be friends, or whatever it is.

I'm glad to hear your daughter is ok. I admire you holding her accountable for her actions. I really hope I can be that way with my daughter someday. These are lessons they need to learn to be ready for the adult world.

By the way, I wanted to mention that I did check about a cheap phone for my daughter but they all had warnings on the boxes about cancer and reproductive harm. I didn't feel like I want my daughter handling something like that every day so I held off but I'll keep checking for alternatives. Thanks for the suggestion!

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Originally Posted by NicoleR

........It can't be both ways!.....

.......By the way, I wanted to mention that I did check about a cheap phone for my daughter but they all had warnings on the boxes about cancer and reproductive harm. I didn't feel like I want my daughter handling something like that every day so I held off but I'll keep checking for alternatives. Thanks for the suggestion!


Well, they want it both ways, and it's up to us to tell them so. More on that in a moment.

Regarding cell phones, I think every cell phone has that warning. Every single one, including yours. There has been speculation, but no concrete correlative evidence. You might be worrying about something with an infinitely small chance of happening. Of course, I support whichever decision you make.

Regarding having it both ways, my soon to be ex mother in law had a bad traffic accident last year that was her fault, and injured a number of pedestrians. Her preliminary court date was yesterday, and it didn't go well at all. I just got a text from xW the charges were severe enough the prosecutor got the case moved to a higher court, where the penalties can be much harsher. My 88 year old stbxMIL is devastated, and xW is "in tears, really upset. Devastated."

I dearly love stbxMIL, but don't particularly feel like being very supportive of W. I don't know if it's better to remain NC, or respond with something like "Wow. That is terribly upsetting. Thanks for the update," or something a bit more supportive of stbxMIL.


M:23 T:26
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S:18
D:16
filed 7/16
W moved out 4/28/17
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I work in the Mobile phone industry. You are bombarded daily with tons of radio signals even if you dont have a mobile phone. There is literally no difference in having one on you or not, you get hit with the same signal generated from the towers regardless.


M:16
T:21
H(me) 38
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S11 D16 D19
Red Flags of A: March 2018
ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018
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BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018
D Filed: March 27, 2019
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Jim - I like the first response IMO. Wow, that is terribly upsetting. I am very sorry to hear or something along those lines.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Jim1234 Offline OP
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Thanks, SoTorn. I hope you don't mind, but I posted a summary of what you said on Nicole's thread.

J9, in the end, that's about what I said. It seemed to be perfect, because I got back a pretty neutral response, mostly talking about taking care of our kids, which doesn't require an immediate response, so i won't


M:23 T:26
Me:53, Wife: 60
S:18
D:16
filed 7/16
W moved out 4/28/17
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