Just keep swimming, I think I can, I think I can #

[marina7]

OneArt,

I truly understand what your saying trust me,

I must let W fail if that even means our kids physical or
Mentally are hurt and I'll be the first to say that's what I been
Trying to avoid for something dramatic to happen or one of
Our children's end up in hospital. Especially s9 who W has it
Out for him.

I would describe s9, having a gay friend guy who is very outspoken
and he thinks for himself. So that's when W becomes physical with s9

Where s10 and d10 have taken advice from therapy to just say Yes mom
Which makes me sad but that's a survival way.

So Yes my problem is being that hoover mom, trying to avoid any of the kids
Being hurt. Is hard but I now see what Lawyer was saying and right.

And also see what GAL is trying to do is give W more responsibilities so
I can get back on my feet. But that question in my head is at what cost as
We all here have the monkey braining is at what cost do I let go and o e child ends
Up somewhere I emotionally can't take.

To also answer your question,

Marriage, legally married No we had a domestic partnership but in the
State am in that doesn't count for marriage. So W doesn't give me spousal
support.

S10 was a foster child we get medical for him and I believe 215.00 a month which
W has always had control I never look at what benefits I got for fostering s10 which
Then we adopted.

S9 amd d10 was different they where going to go to foster I didn't let it happen
The social worker at the time said if they go to foster system you will get all the
Benefits all foster kids get. I again didn't want at the time my niece and nephew to
Go to foster system for over 45days God knows what could have happened so
7yrs ago My sister gave me temporary guardianship which then after having
Them for 24 months I went full custody adoption.

Now before BD we where as normal as we can be I work in Higher management, W
was going to school typical American life. I had trio's in my health insurance and
I thought we where good. W and I never ever mentioned separation.

I of course trusted W never thought to put my money in my own bank. Not even
Stashed money to the side so that tells you a lot

I was to open and trusting.

Yes W since August 2018 started giving me only 500.00 that's the most she must give
For now.

I took Lawyer advice which was we focus on s10 Bringing him home then Child support.

So around that time I get emergency medical insurance for s9 and d10
Every 3 months they evaluate my case. And temporary stamps.
I have gone to food trucks and done whatever it takes.

My pride left long time ago.

I aslo don't have family I unfortunately raised myself and Yes if I do contact my
Family is like selling my soul to the devil.

I do get workers comp temporary and state help every penny goes to that so
Whatever I have left I pay GAL amd Lawyer.

And I also know there is two sides. I can own up to mines and is me
Letting W fall. Because I know that one of the trio's could end up hurt bad

But as my lawyer did say. If we call W right now do you think she will say exactly what you
Said and knowing W lies No I am going to look like the idiot.


So my problem is fixing everyone and everything. I am a fixer and I attract
Broken people.

Oh trust me how therapy has help me realize lots of my flaws.

But your right I must stop fighting and give in and just agree.

[marina7]

Job,

Thank you again. Prayers does wonders

[marina7]

Update and some advice

Just got an email we meeting tomorrow
To go over what they want us to do and we
Have an emergency meeting Monday.

Also in email says for W to bring OW,
Because OW lives with W and involved.
I froze I literally froze when I read the email.

We must all meet tomorrow in office and with kids

I know that now I must just let go.

If W wants to play house with OW then I am simply
Going handle over my robe. I now see this is
something I can't control and I am seeing what
Lawyer is saying. Let W fail you must just wait
If W wants to be a fulltime mom then say Ok.

Tomorrow I will go in there clear minded and
As long it pertains to the kids say Ok.

At the end like my lawyer said you got what you
Wanted M and that was for Trios to be together
Let everything else go. And I am doing that.

Is heart breaking to any Mom/Dad out here who
Has never been separated from kids, I remember
Taking business flights and catching redeye so
I wouldn't be away more then 24hours. Yes that's
The type of mom I am.

I also know that my childhood of not
Having two parents, or loving home
Has affected my parenting and even my marriage

I didn't do date nights because I felt kids didn't choose
For parents to be out to have fun.

Yes I know this was wrong in my thinking if
I could go back to something's I would change
God knows I would. But speaking for now
I can see clearly how that could affect the trio's
They think that the world revolves around them
And when W doesn't do what Mom M does they
Don't understand.

If Trios fall this momma kiss there ouchy and say
It will be better. W was more your not dying you
Going to live. So our parenting and loving is very
Different.

I am starting to see W will never take care of them like
I would. All I can do is pray my Angels will protect them.

[Gerda]

Marina, I don't understand what is going on here. I am sorry if I am missing something, but if this were about a husband and a wife, I don't imagine any lawyer ever telling you to surrender your kids to the husband's desire to be full-time father, especially if the husband were known to be abusive to the children! And vice versa for the husband if the wife were an unfit parent.

Am I missing something about this story? Isn't W an unfit parent?

Because it seems to me that your lawyer is not your advocate and you should get a better lawyer. You don't care about assets or expect her to support you. You just want your kids. Why aren't you fighting for that? W is not fit, she is in MLC and is terrible to them. It's not about kissing their booboos, though that is great that you do that. She is out of her mind and has been abusive to them! The trios come back to you from seeing her and are outright depressed.

Why does your lawyer want you to sacrifice them to her just to keep them together?!

In a heterosexual marriage, if one partner left the other and immediately moved in with the affair partner, it would not go like this. A friend of mine who is a dad got FULL custody of his kids when his MLC wife did that -- she showed up pregnant with another man's child to court, and that was the beginning of the end for her. And I live in a no-fault state.

Why would it be so different for you? It makes no sense. Unless it's that your lawyer is not advocating for your rights because it is a lesbian marriage.

Is your lawyer well-versed in the rights of same-sex couples? Do you have an LBGT center near you that you can go and ask for help?

https://www.pkjohnsonlaw.com/blog/2017/05/custody-rights-in-same-sex-marriages-in-illinois.shtml

Am I totally off the mark here?

http://www.nottageandward.com/lgbt-parentage-issues.html

I thought you said that W is abusive to them, monsters, etc?

Why would you ever surrender your children to someone like that? Surrender to not being able to change her does not mean surrendering your kids to an unhealthy household. You are the more fit parent. W is weaponizing the children. I know I may be missing some of the story and I know you don't have money, etc., but I want to encourage you to be confident and bold in knowing that you are a wonderful parent and that the kids should be with you more. Fight for it. If you lose, I understand you can't control everything.But why not give it a go?

[marina7]

Gerda ,:) Thank you

Yes you are right, has my lawyer given up.
No payment the last month I would say and
I am paying what I can.

I also try to look at the positive, do they want W to fail.
W hasn't filed for motion or anything so W actions shows
W doesn't care.

Yes was I the first lesbian case in my county Yes, they
Didn't know how to even file that's how crazy it was.

I unfortunately got this lawyer that took retainer and now
She kind of saying if you have money for another lawyer who
Maybe has something up there sleeve.

Will I agree to GAL Nope. But this means we go to trial which
Lawyer said to start that is 10,000 I didn't ask if that's half me and half W

And also YES to what you ask W has two cases one was closed and other I haven't
Been contact.

To give you a little of county here there is more children abuse here then a big city.
If fact a child that CPS was called over 5 times was found dead.

CPS here [censored]. I am lost exactly how to even try to hire a pro bono lawyer.

In 2017 when W took s10 I went to 6 total office for advice and they all where almost the same.
But all of them didn't even know how to file this is a first.


I even today looked into LGBTQ office and going if this goes bad because I honestly believe
This case is something they don't want to touch. Is a very touchy subject.

Also you didn't miss anything.

W walk away from us,
W left me all 3 kids
W then decided to separate kids because they not blood
W then went M.I.A I had to start and file to see and get custody
W didn't want to see d10 and s9
W lawyer made her on weekends
W then became abusive with s9
W monstering every drop off or pick up
I even called GAL on my request at police station drop off.

I have gone through hoops to show lawyers, GAL and judge am all in as a parent and coparent

Now I don't have family here or am not that social. I been ask what if emergency happens.
I also been ask by GAL why don't I mends with my toxic family.

Also let me put this out here. I am latino not Mexican. We is Mexican
So GAL is Mexican, they all about family , I am American I agree with certain things
That W never did, I agree certain things to make America better W is a advocate for
Everything you don't want or politics is not in the same even though W is a Marine
She rather die marching for Mexican rights which I agree to some but when people are
Wrong they are wrong.

Guess what GAL is a advocate for Mexican.
In one of my thread when I was going for meeting W and GAL where very friendly I found that
Bothering. I try not to let monkey brain get to me but they where to smiley and friendly.

GAL says this also can help you get on your feet. I feel am giving no choice is like
Pick A voluntary sign or then we go the nasty way.

Tomorrow I am going there all ears and taking of course God with me. And hear them out
But No I won't just roll over.

[marina7]

I am numb, I can't even cry anymore.

Sometimes my mind gets the best of me.
I think many of us LBS can say that.

I honestly thought all of W actions would have
Spoken for itself but apparently it happens more
And more everyday.

When speaking with GAL or lawyer I feel they think
I care some type for W or still care when am just
Trying to point things out. W walking away
W leaving 3 kids, W moved in with OW. W in
Therapy saying over and over Am marrying OW.

When I point this out is because is not f$&*ing normal

But to people it happens all the time. My response is
This is some Jerry Springer show.

Especially tomorrow, apparently OW ain't going no
Where so I must learn to coparent with OW

What a s&*t show. I am going in there to listen
If it takes me years to get s10 back I know he knows
I will get better and be better 100x and will fight 100x

Basically if I sit back and put my emotions away
And prospective from Therapist, they want W to fail
They need her to fail and our law here is 50/50 W will
Then forfeit her parental rights. Again I hope am
Looking at this right. I will not sign nothing that I'll
Make sure they know.

But if W and OW wants to play house, then here ya go
I will be watching through the sidelines.

Now the mom in me wants to say F U lawyer
F U GAL ya are crazier then W and OW again that's the
Mom in me but sometimes STFU is better and let
Them grumble. Also that being said I am keeping lots
Of journal. I will sue the whole county if any of my kids
Be hurt badly. I will make sure they lose it all like I did.

I honestly have thought about being a child advocate
Myself. But times like this I know I couldn't,
I don't believe bio parents get 2nd chances after
Beating a child or letting your child be hurt. I
Don't believe in reuniting parents and children if
Child been hurt. I don't care if they claim they to young.
Nope. So yeah I must find another career lol.

Good night all. I will keep posting as time
Goes. God has his plan.

[DnJ]

Hello marina

Try to get a good sleep for tomorrow, and yes be clear minded and emotionally stable.

This result is not what you were hoping for, no doubt about that. Now, work on accepting it. This doesn’t mean you agree, or like it, or surrendered, you just emotional accept it. This has happened, fear of this will disappear, now you can more reason out a solution or path.

Find the strength to accept things you cannot change and the strength to fight for things you can change. And the wisdom to know which is applicable.

When this process was started it was to keep children together. That is achieved. The proposed location of where the kids live is not what you were hoping for. Is that something you are wanting to fight for? You want to achieve?

I want to ask / clarify something. The GAL has recommended that kids live with W. If you accept, then I am guessing you have visiting rights and such, but she is financially responsible, and is primarily responsible for their care and education (getting them to school and so on).

If you do not accept this all goes before the courts, costs lots of money, and according to L probably ends up the same result.

If you drop this, no court. What about agreement? Where do kids live? Is it back to W takes one and you get the others - again?

Knowing when to step back and regroup is valuable. I think you are facing one of those times.

I am guessing you are willing to fight to keep kids together (you have this part) and want them with you. When battling keep your eye on the result and what scorecard or rules the judges / scorekeepers use.

I do not know all the details, however agreeing to the GAL may be the best option. Keeps kids together, and visits. W has to be responsible and can then fail. You need to let her do what she will do. When faced with all the parental jobs, she may change her mind and quicker than you think.

Marina, your lawyer knows the legal process, the rules and guidelines, your details, and the most likely outcome. You are paying them for their expert advice. Ensure you consider it well before dismissing it.

Best of luck tomorrow. Praying and thinking about you.

DnJ

[Gerda]

Marina and DnJ, this marks the first time I don't agree with DnJ!

Marina, my L prepared an affadavit with me. It talked about my life with H before BD, how different it was and then what happened after. Most of it was about his drastic change in terms of the children, but not all of it. The affadaviit showed that he had a huge change from everything our M was based on, and that his huge change included his becoming an unfit parent. It's the basis of my request for temporary custody. I don't know if it is going to work but she thinks it will.

Why would your L not do this approach with you? Because of money? And because you are in a lesbian marriage? If so, that is WRONG and not what is best for your kids. if W has more money, she has to provide for them. Maybe she is asking for full custody because OW doesn't want money leaving the household. They are not a family. They just met less than a year ago! That is not what is best for the kids, to switch to the parent of the moment. And to switch to the parent who abuses them physically and mentally?!

Not only that, but "preservation of the status quo" is a big deal in D proceedings. There has to be a good reason to disrupt the trios' life, something that is better for THEM.

DnJ may be right that there are things you can't change in this world, I get that. But from what you are saying it does not seem to me that you can trust your lawyer as an advocate. Have you had a hard talk with your L asking him/her to explain your rights as a mom and a lesbian parent?

If you were fostering the trios, I think you'd have more rights, and you'd get some money from the state for them so the provision for them wouldn't be an issue.

Marina, I am a Catholic woman. And yet when I read what you wrote about this meeting, I felt very strongly that what is happening is not in the best interests of the children and that your lawyer was not protecting your HUMAN rights because of your sexuality. I even woke up early this morning because it was on my mind, and I got on the computer even though I have to take my D to school. In other words -- I say that about me being Catholic to point out that for me to be fighting for your rights really means something. I think this is really important for you and the kids.

I live in a city with huge LGBT rights/community. So I am going to go to the LGBT center in my city today for you and ask if there is help for you. Was I right about which state you are in? If you get this, let me know so I can try to get a local number for you. If this is a new area of law in your state, maybe someone will take your case on pro bono in order to change the law in your state.

[marina7]

Gerda
Thank you,

But you and I are moms we think with our
Hearts which we should. But the GAL
Are through the books. They follow the
Illinois law. But as I stated also am not just going
Say ok either.

So yes to many of your questions.
I am also Catholic. I try to explain
to many who look at me, I am who I am
Because I knew I could not lie to God.
I never faulted from my truth. I have followed
Almost all bible rules except the man and women
But I remember saying to myself if I hide who I am
Then am lying to God and I just couldn't.

Now, Yes if I get Trios of course W would have to
Pay child support.
Remember W and OW is all about money.
They both have purchased two new cars

Always flaunting it around. Also W then can claim the
Three kids in taxes. W at the moment is money hungry.

Also 2yrs ago I almost lost my hand at work
Been through many surgeries but haven't settled
Because need more surgeries to go. But one
Thing W brought up is once settlement is final
does W get child support.

Everything with W is money and money.

If you read my post earlier in the beginning I
Filed. I still remember January 2018 was court
The first thing W lawyer said was W wants to file
Taxes for Trios. For d10 and s9. W lawyer kept asking

This was the first time I seen W since her M.I.A
From October 2017 and that was the first thing W ask
Was filing of taxes.

So is W doing this for all right reason No.

Illinois law for 50/50 both parents must
Live 15 miles away. I did live 15 miles from W
Because after BD I started googling laws and one
Thing was the 50/50 but I yet didn't file
Because I had the trio's. So W moved again that
Took us 28 miles away. I have been ask to move
Which I can't and I have spoken up why do I move
When I been here with kids. And financially can't

Due to W having better school that's why.

And as DnJ said which that I get. I got what
I wanted trio's not to be separated.
So here I am waiting till later to go listen.

I know I will do what I gotta do. To protect
Our kids. But I also gotta let go of that rope
And give W a taste of motherhood. W never
Been the mommy type. Since day one I been
The one there always.

Also I have contacted LGBTQ community and hoping
For a call soon. If I have to take this to social media,
Supreme court I will. Not only for my children's
But to many children's out here dying from parents hands

Poor babies out here don't get protected anymore.
I also understand why some parents give up. This takes
A drain on us mentally. But I have God spi6to fight
And I dream last night. That not yet, I still have the fight
I will fight for my Trios. I also want W to be part of their life

I want W involved, I never wanted to take trio's from W.
But me doing that bit me on the butt. Because when
We filed it was to keep Trios separated and not
Being drop off.
So here I am not knowing what's going to happen.
Only God knows what he has plans

[marina7]

Journaling,

And might be my last as I have nothing much
Left. Trying to heal from all this.

Just had the meeting with W and OW
And the conclusion in court GAL gives W
The parental rights. This is what I was told
Trios lives with W with no limitations for me.

So I drive to W pick up trio's and have them back
To W and every other weekend's.

Many might read this and ask How... I am also
Here asking myself that question.

W and OW walk in smiling and all. Like wow
If looks could kill I would be dead.

OW kept jumping in and putting her input.
And using the world We, We so now I heard
Everyone W needs to fail... I honestly don't think
W will W has OW playing Mom who going to be there.

I had many questions but as I was told is court order
W says in Spanish "you should have left it how it was.


Am guessing me fighting for Trios to be together
I honestly am lost now I went from day 1 since
I had them been fighting for them W in reality didn't want
To be a mom to 3 kids.

I have not only lost s10 and lost s9 and d10
When trio's explained they starting crying. Why
Why can't s10 be with us in mommy M home.

I honestly have lost faith in the system
I felt like I was in a Jerry Springer show

Unfortunately in my state the law [censored].
They only look at stability and financial.

My step mom and best friend who have seen
This unfold are in shock. They just at all.
Like wow... I guess my gut was right when I said
The GAL are friends.

I remember months ago my d10 said they went
To GAL daughter soccer game and W and GAL are
Friends. I tried not to say anything as I know if I would
Have accused it would have caused me problems


But for this to go in W favour after CPS was called not
Only from me it was therapist also and W has now been
Given kids like I ask myself should I have not filed
For s10. Was W right I should have left it alone.

The positive is trio's are officially together and they
Will know mom M did kept her promise we will be
Together.

I ask for all the prayers. I am not giving up
In them I am going to do what it takes for me
To get 50/50