13 years and 2 kids pt. 4.

[Hurt213]

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[LH19]

H,

I'm a glad you had a really great Christmas with your kids!

I am going to challenge you again to from here on to post only about your children and your plans for the future.

Have you spoke to a lawyer about custody arrangements? Are you working with your IC in regards to your low self esteem?

Keep moving forward my friend! You have a great life ahead of you!

[Hurt213]

LH,

Thank you, it has been way better than I had dared to hope for.

Custody arrangement is settled and has been signed. We are basically only waiting for the house to sell and then thats the final period sign in this long and draining session of dissolving me and her. I am working with my IC in regards to several things that are on my 180 list, a lot of these are "products" from a long time depression that I was unaware of, and therefore it shaped some really unappreciative traits onto me, and those I am now unraveling slowly but with great success. Its basically about knowing and showing, that I am good enough, and I have nothing that I need to prove to anyone. It has been extensive work, and still is because I have been trying to navigate between, not caring, having given up on my dreams and wants, to going completely opposite and being a nice guy but without a care for my own expectations and needs, a complete pleaser, and thats super unhealthy.

I am at the beginning, but having realized what I need to work with, has slowly but steady given me some tools to reflect on my decisions, my wants and my needs - and would you know it, there are actually things I want and need, I just somehow forgot about them down the road. Future looks bright even though its misty right now.

[LH19]

Can you not move out prior to selling the house? Very unhealthy for you living there.

[Hurt213]

LH,

So yea basically I have the option of staying at my parents house until the house sells.

I have not done that because I was advised to stay in the house (legal is sorted, and won't be a problem inde custody is taken care of). But the other thing was that, she was the one that wanted out, so I was told she was the one who had to move and I shouldn't budge on that.

I guess it would be better for the kids that I wasn't there 7 days a week than us being so distant and the atmosphere being so "cold" when we are both here.

[LH19]

I,

Yes in most sitches it is advised that the LBS spouse doesn't move out but that is based on mostly legal issues in regards to abandoning your children.

If there is no legal reason to be in the house then based on the ridiculous, disrespectful situation you are in it would be better to just move out.

Not sure living with your parents is a great solution either?

[sandi2]

I have not done that because I was advised to stay in the house (legal is sorted, and won't be a problem inde custody is taken care of). But the other thing was that, she was the one that wanted out, so I was told she was the one who had to move and I shouldn't budge on that.

When you say you were "advised", are you referring to legal counsel or what you received on the board?

[Joe2017]

I agree with LH. I had a similar sitch in that regard and moving out was the best decision I made during our D.

[Hurt213]

LH and Sandi,

There are no legal reasons for me to stay in the house at this point in time, everthing has been covered by my lawyer and since custody has been taken care of, we are basically just in the waiting game for the house to sell.

I would really not enjoy living at my parents place, however this current situation is not working either I guess. I was advised on the board to stay in the house, both because of legalities, but also because of the fact that she created the mess, she is then the one who leaves.

Joe,

thank you, and I am sure it is the best for me as well as I don't want to be in a relationship with this woman anymore. I need to get on my own, and see what life has to offer.

[SoTorn]

I am also deciding if I should just leave or not. My WW hasnt filed for D. WW claimed she would leave and has not. I am trying to GAL and move on but she is always at home or always out with OM. I want my own space so that I can be more independent. Unfortunately, homes and apartments here cost more than my mortgage does for some reason.

I am looking for housing. I will literally start from zero again because there is nothing I want from our home. I don't want our MBR set. I may take some electronics but thats it. I am very worried about my children and how they will be affected once we move apart. They have always had both parents and we have always parented well up until this situation.