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Hello Andrew

Good for you!

I am sure, you sweat in an attractive manly fashion. smile I can almost feel your butterflies myself, all tingly and flitting about in your belly.

Are you going to follow up? Maybe call her and ask if she liked the coffee? Then suggest that you’d like to have a coffee with her, after work tomorrow if she is free.

High 5.

DnJ


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O agree, follow up! Don’t get friend-zoned!

Nice work going out of your comfort zone

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Originally Posted by AndrewP
I may re-watch 2001 A Space Odyssey. And perhaps also O Brother - which was based on the saga of Odysseus and has some amazing performances.


I believe 2001 A Space Odyssey is the most under-appreciated movie of all time.

Originally Posted by AndrewP
I've actually had a bit of a rash in a delicate area for a while now. Glad to know you are the cause. Now to figure out the cure.


I know this sounds nuts, but I think castration is the only cure.

Originally Posted by AndrewP
It's called "The Queen's English" for a good reason. "The Doodler's English" is not canon.


Apparently you've never heard of the eponymous doodler's canonical southernese gibberish. That don't make a lick of sense do it?

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High 5, indeed, Andrew. Way to go. As others have said before me, yes, DEFINITELY follow up. Yay for you. I have no doubt you sweated in an attractive, manly way.

As far as your suggestion about you bringing doodler to my wedding as a date, oh yes, PLEASE do that. PLEASE! Dec. 31, 2019 is the date....location to be determined, but I'll let you know that as well. Speaking of doodler, I actually speak doodler and didn't even know it because I am absolutely familiar with what "a lick of sense" means. wink


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
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Originally Posted by doodler
I know this sounds nuts, but I think castration is the only cure.
Probably correct. I had them disconnected nearly 24 years ago. I wonder if they make Nueticles in Canadian men's sizes? Gotta dress to impress, not that there appears to be much interest in that section of my anatomy.

I do have to figure out how to follow up with GSL - not sure what the best option would be. She'll be amazingly busy this weekend. Perhaps take her a blueberry scone which I understand is her usual. Her social media profile, while it has lots visible on it, is locked down as far as friending goes.

Just a quick post to announce that I'm far too nice of a guy. 2 Christmas cards in the mail. One addressed to me from the guy who introduced me to my ex and his wife who happened to have been her best friend when we met. The other was from an old friend of my ex's addressed to Mr & Mrs. For the past two years I'd passed the cards over to her and did so again today ("he's such a nice boy). In the past I left them in the mailbox I believe knowing that she was checking. This year I just gave it to the lady who does the mail and asked if she could pass it over to the sister store where my ex works joking that perhaps it was time that my ex told this friend that she is divorced. She tossed it in to the box that goes to that store without a second glance. Nice of her to do that. Her boss happened to be just in to the store while this happened and he looked startled. I do believe that he doesn't think too much of her but he does still (I presume) provide her her substantially rent reduced apartment even though he knows that I send her a substantial amount of money each month.

I do continue to wonder about the fact that my ex has never openly acknowledged the fact that she left me. And I do wonder what she thinks of me. For an ex-husband I'm a pretty good bargain. I may snark and joke about her a bit, but I the support payment is always there on time, I'm supporting my son without input or assistance from her although it would be welcome, I don't cause her any legal troubles.

I did get a letter from my lawyer today which first startled me. It seems that they are looking for the discharge documents from my old mortgage when I got my new one. The letter was a copy of one they sent to the bank. In looking through the paperwork I have on file I noticed that the payment to my ex was reduced by about $3K which went directly to her lawyer. That explains how she was able to pay for things. I'd thought that her family or OM might have subsidised her. Unusual for a lawyer to agree to that sort of thing I would have thought.

Oh - and job - you had suggested seeing if S24 mentions the ornament that I found of his mother's. Silence. I do think that he probably texted her and she stopped by to pick it up.

Well - time to make my lunch for tomorrow.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
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Originally Posted by AndrewP
If you send me an invitation to your wedding I'll try to get a date. You'll know me because I'll be the only person other than Sparky wearing a bow tie laugh If doodler will be my date we'll have to make sure that my tie matches his pumps.


Andrew,

You're so sweet!

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Well - it's Wednesday. Time for a diary entry.

I really could use a couple of weeks just at home. No work. No responsibilities. Just a good book or five and a cat or two on my lap.

It's been a generally quiet and boring week with some exceptions. Grinding down towards the Christmas break and year end. A bunch of "hey this is broken" things to deal with at work which is a challenge because the people who know how they are supposed to work are away. I'm plugging away and have gotten most of them fixed.

After work yesterday I went out of my way to pick up some special "Winter Beard" beer which is a dark stout with chocolate added. Tasty if you are in to that sort of thing which after a small taste S24 said that he's not. I also picked up a couple of tubs of the candy cane ice cream that S24 likes as he was most of the way through the tub we bought on Saturday. I requested that these last until the New Year although he's the only one eating it. I don't really care for it myself. I think he appreciated me going out of my way and the consideration.

When I got home there was a letter in the mail from one of my pension plans. S24 had unusually picked up the mail - perhaps he was expecting a parcel. On the letter it still listed my ex as my spouse. Le sigh. I mentioned it to S24 as an annoyance and that I needed to sort that out today.

He seemed somewhat chatty and was making his supper so I talked a bit about my day and also mentioned GSL and FSL and whether I should be asking them out.

He got very nervous and told me that he didn't want to hear about my love life (never seemed to bother him before). Then he dropped the small bomb on me. He intends on quitting his job at the end of January. It's a pretty crappy job and he doesn't get enough hours to be independent. Those weren't his reasons though. It turns out that he has a major personality conflict with his boss that has at times been on the edge of S24 just blowing his top. I knew he wasn't happy working with his boss but not that it was quite to that stage. I mentioned that I didn't like my boss either and had sucked it up for 15 years but I think that this is pretty intense dislike on the part of S24.

I accepted the fact that he wants to quit and the implication that he may not have any income (he's not contributing to the household budget anyway). We talked through a bunch of options, a number of which we've talked about many times before and he's ignored. We talked about how him not having a driver's licence is a real detriment to his ability to find a new job. I did push for him to talk to his mother as there are companies in the village she is in that may be hiring and that she might have an "in" with - she used to at least. With the implied idea that he would move in with her. Since her guy has a distribution business she might be able to get him in there but I didn't mention that part.

S24 then wandered off with his supper to eat in his room (which he always does) and I started the dishes.

And yes - I do love my son dearly but it would be nice if he moved in with his mother and he was her problem for a change. She might be firmer on him than me for one thing and she could perhaps push him to clean up after himself better, or more likely they would both be happy with the same level of disorder. I'd still feed him on a regular basis and visit.

Weirdly as I was doing the dishes I became astoundingly angry at him. I think it was the fact that I am so taken for granted. His mother was pretty bad about that too but I had a while to get used to it and there were side benefits that S24 doesn't bring. Part of it too I think was the fact that I had things more or less planned out. He'd pay off his student loans, find a new place, move on, I'd start dating and now that has been somewhat tossed out the window with new uncertainty.

One of the things I mentioned to S24 and exquisitetobe's post earlier mentions is that for him he's got a safety net. I said that to him. And I also said that I didn't have one. And I think that's part of what ticked me off. I've got everyone else's back but nobody's got mine. I lost that when my ex decided to have an affair.

Blargh.

In other news I've gotten little communication from CL in the last while and there's no real "warmth" in any of it. Yes she's busy and yes she's got other priorities. It is annoying but I really do need to recognize that that ship is nowhere near coming in to port.

I do like CL. She's a smart and engaging person to be around. I'm going to presume that that path through the forest isn't one worth exploring at this point. Perhaps she'll pop out and try to drag me back in, we'll see.

I was thinking this morning that perhaps in the new year that I'll either ask FSL out, activate my POF profile or all of the above. I'm hoping that I can engineer some ways for GSL's path to cross mine - hopefully through the agency of my friend who runs the cafe we both go to.

Finally - I did get an invitation from SIL1 to spend Christmas with my brothers and their wives. I suspect that this was set up so that AndrewP isn't alone. We're having an early dinner on Christmas day. It will be nice to see them all. Despite us living fairly close together we hardly see each other at all.

I may take myself out for beer and wings tonight. Flirt with the far too young waitresses who know I'm a safe boring old guy. Nothing inappropriate from me - just being pleasant to people.

Well - time for me to make some lunch and perhaps pop across the street to the general store to get someone to witness my signature on my pension change forms.


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T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
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Andrew,

Why wait until the new year to ask the FSL out? I would see if she's available sometime during the next week and have coffee or lunch. CL is certainly a busy woman who has a lot on her plate and waiting around for her is just not cutting it. It seems to me that if she really was interested in you, she would find some time to "fit" you in for a lunch or coffee. But, that's my opinion.

As for your son, maybe he needs to continue w/the current job until he has found another. I certainly wouldn't quit until I had another job lined up and I wouldn't be expecting my father to continue to foot my bills and living at home for free. I know you had mentioned he has some issues, but let's get real...your son is 24 and it's time that he started acting like an adult instead of a teenager. It's time for him to get his license and become an independent young man. Maybe you are on to something...maybe he needs to go live w/his mother for a while. It's time to cut that cord and gently push him out of the nest a bit. If you don't, he'll still be living w/you when he's in his 50's.

Andrew, it's time that you started living your life and venturing out there and posing an invite to the FSL. Don't wait on CL. She may not be available for a few years. Life is precious and time certainly doesn't stand still for any of us.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Good Morning Andrew

Job is right.

I understand your feelings towards S24, I’ve gotten frustrated with my S21 also. He is pushing my buttons right now, it is so clear how he is working on getting his footing to be his own man. It is a trying process, growing up. They purposefully annoy you, to see if you will always love them. They will purposefully make mistakes, and not want any help in reparations, just to ensure they can cut the apron strings.

Blargh indeed!

Feelings are fleeting, Andrew.

Get mad while doing the dishes, just do the dishes, you will calm down. It is interesting just how fast emotions can overtake a person, isn’t it? Those feelings also diminish pretty quickly as well. Let them flit away.

You do need to have a talk with son. He needs guidance, and you are the man to do it. Ensure your feelings are stable, and discuss with him when calm and intellectual. Be empathetic for sure, just more business and get your point across. You will not change his mind, your purpose is to show him different paths and/or the folly of his current trajectory. The last one, to be honest, will have limited success at first. Heck so will the first one. It just plants a seed, he does the watering.

Impress upon him - DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB!

Holy cr@p, that’s big. Sorry, just wanted that to stand out. Not scream out.

Yes, he does not get along with his boss. So what. It is work, not a vacation, or the modern idea that if you love your job it is not really work. Blah, blah, blah. Yes, I get it. However, (ooh I was really wanting to press the caps lock on this) work pays the bills, fun things are hobbies. Ya a few youtubers who “have it all figured out” will encourage and promote an entire generation to look for that hobby that pays. Boy, are they screwing up a lot of people.

Anyhow, back to you. S24 needs to remain employed - period. Unless he is enrolled and attending some furthering education like collage or university, stay employed. He can look for an other job while employed, then switch. A job teaches so much and keeps him occupied and active. No job is not the place for a young adult, that is a trap that is so very hard to extricate one’s self from. His conflict with his boss is something he needs to grow from - not run from. One needs to learn how to navigate relationships with all kinds of people, even the troublesome boss. Also jobs, especially in a small village, are not that easily come by, especially when driver license free.

On that note. He needs his license. Another area for a gentle or more forceful nudge. A less confrontational way - a gift of professional driving lessons and test. Buy it for him, put it under the tree, he goes, he learns, he gets license, Andrew gets book or five, two cats on lap, and no stress from burning out the clutch.

A gift for you Andrew. I hope it fits.

Ask out GSL! Or FSL! Notice the lack of caps smile

Do not try hard to engineer some elaborate crossing of paths. Just go over and talk to her, unless it is really busy, then call her, or be the last customer of the day. Suggest - let’s go wonder around and look at Christmas lights after work, or tonight. Whatever timeframe seems to work best for you and her.

Hey, you brought her coffee, she didn’t run screaming. I am pretty sure she remembers you bring her coffee. So follow up. she is probably just as shy and unconfident as you. We are all people, we all have similar fear regarding dating.

CL sounds like a nice gal. She is not in a place where she can give you what you deserve. Let her go. I know you want someone who places Andrew as a priority. As busy as life is, a priority is just that - a priority, and one makes time for a priority.

Do not settle for less.

In any of your ventures.

Have a wonderful day, Andrew.

DnJ


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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Originally Posted by job
Andrew, it's time that you started living your life and venturing out there and posing an invite to the FSL. Don't wait on CL. She may not be available for a few years. Life is precious and time certainly doesn't stand still for any of us.


Andrew,

I totally agree with job. Venture out (sans doodler).

You know you've hit rock-bottom when you're dreaming about doodler's hairy legs in six inch pumps that are color coordinated with your bow tie. Now that you've hit rock-bottom, you can only go up from here. The future's so bright you've gotta wear shades.

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