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G to answer you original question about chatting every day. Doing that without sex kinda of kills the vibe. It makes it feel relationship without the physical connection. I am going to see her tomorrow though so maybe I can get some oral out of it smile


Married 14, Together 17
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M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
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Originally Posted by Joseph9
G to answer you original question about chatting every day. Doing that without sex kinda of kills the vibe. It makes it feel relationship without the physical connection. I am going to see her tomorrow though so maybe I can get some oral out of it smile



J- I don't even know what to say. Except that you are on 2 different pages. You expect sex as connection and she expects communication and getting to know eachother as connection.

J, I think you need to be doing what LH is doing. You need to get the sex out of the way, but not with someone like her.

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J,

News flash: Women like sex as much as men. I might argue women in their 40s even more. It is definitely available with out commitment.

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LOL well I am going to make another run at it tomorrow as I know she is comfortable. Lets see if she will budge without the R talk or the confirming blood tests.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Originally Posted by Joseph9
LOL well I am going to make another run at it tomorrow as I know she is comfortable. Lets see if she will budge without the R talk or the confirming blood tests.

So - you're not respecting her enough to respect her boundaries? Just a booty call for you?

This popcorn is salty.


On BD
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T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
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Originally Posted by AndrewP
This popcorn is salty.


I was just thinking, and about to say, this is starting to feel a touch creepy. You're going to hurt this woman and further jade her as if you do have sex you'll then drop her and move on. Calling everyday at this point already? You both seem to be on totally different pages - with totally different goals.

Originally Posted by LH19
My 4 dates in 6 nights were busts (though one led to sex) lol and I just got ghosted after a some solid back and forths.


Dude you really need to start your own thread and contribute. Four dates but nothing to talk about other than you say you had sex - but even that wasn't worth a post? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm


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DH,

I may start a thread in the New Year.

If you need details I met her for drinks in her area she was 60 miles away. I ordered a water and she asked why wasn't I drinking anymore and I said because I need to drive home. She said "well you can stay at my house". Enough said. Now the issues, pictures were filtered, body type not exactly athletic and toned. Oh yeah the most important part, on our first date she informed me her ex was a cross dresser. Yep can't make it up.

Left the next day and texted when I got home and said I had fun but I don't think we are a good match. She responded "Thank you for your honesty. The end.

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I've got to agree on 2 points.

Yes, as a woman nearing my 40's (oh God, did I just say that?!) Depending where I am in my life at that time, consensual sex without a relationship as an adult doesn't make me a slut. it's a personal choice. personally, I never ever have sex with multiple people at once and I have only even dated one person at a time. If I am interested in someone I am certainly not sleeping with someone else. ANd I make it sound bad, but I have been a single adult for nearly 10 years. I have averaged 1-2 guys a year. Nothing insane. But for 10 years the numbers add up. But I felt no need to remain celibate because I wasn't in a committed R.

But in the same breath, this is my CHOICE and what is right for me. And what is right for me may not be right for others. There are women who will only have sex if they are in a committed relationship. Heck, they may not enjoy it if they aren't. They might not want to feel like a slut even if they shouldn't. They may have had a bad experience.

My point is neither is wrong, it's what is right for that individual.

But J- she is telling you she only has sex in a relationship. And you are saying you don't want one right now. So why would you pursue sex? Sounds like this is exactly what keeps happening to her. Men aren't respecting her boundaries, and she is a little naïve as to what these guys are doing to her. You are on completely different pages right now. Because she calls you everyday you think you are owed sex? You are going to push for it, even though she made it clear she only wants to have sex if she is in an R?


I kind of feel bad for her. She is a grown woman who is naïve to guys crossing her boundaries to get some. Then she wonders why her R's don't make it past the 3 month point.

Why don't you find a woman on the same page as you as to not put her through this cycle again? It's obvious you are itching to get laid, and that is fine and comes with no judgment. It's where you are seeking it that comes with some judgment.

it's like you both want eachother to want the same things and be on the same page, but neither of you are. Why force it and risk hurting her?

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I'm gonna call shenanigans here and say J will push for sex and currently wants a relationship with this woman.

I have been interacted with him on this board for a year and a half and am a good judge of character.

He will not love her and leave her he is too good of guy.

I am more concerned that he is forcing himself to like her even though he admits she is not his typical type.

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Originally Posted by Joseph9
LOL well I am going to make another run at it tomorrow as I know she is comfortable. Lets see if she will budge without the R talk or the confirming blood tests.


J,

I am starting to think you are just toying with her emotions, and it is just a game. If she doesnt want to have sex outside of a relationship and you are not looking for a relationship then you should be honest and tell her that. Let her make the decision to break her boundary. You are both adults and to just tell her that you are not ready for a relationship right now, but are open to one in the future, but any sexual intimacy right now does not mean exlusivity.

Also, me personally I dont understand of waiting for a relationship to have sex. That to me says the other person doesnt value sex much. I understand people may say the opposite and say sexual intimacy fast in a relationship means the sex is meaningless, but lets say you are committed to eachother and then have sex and it is horrible. Are you now going to stay in a relationship that has horrible sex, or are you going to break it off because there is no compatibility sexually. To me sex is important in a relationship and I couldnt start a monogamous relationship without knowing if I like the sex first.

Rexgm


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BD 8/12/17
Divorce Final 1/23/2019
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