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Westo Offline OP
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Hi Yail,

I’m so glad you take comfort in my updates and you are right when you say I didn’t put obstacles in the way of a R.

Also, I could have had a relationship with someone but chose to stand by H and give him two years to see what would happen.

After all, why complicate things further. He had a reason (not an excuse) for what he did, depression and mental health issues. I didn’t.

Looking thick at someone is what you thought it was, a kind of blank stare of disbelief.

You are indeed very very early in your journey. But please listen to the wise people on here and use this time for you. I as all the others here have been through Hell but.........

I honestly wouldn’t change a thing. My M was dead before H left and I’m grateful that we have the opportunity to make our new M so much better. I know he’s reverting to the old H but I’m so different.

I will never ever take what I have including our family for granted again. I’m very lucky but....I truly believe that this R wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t come across this forum and listened and learned, of what not to do.

The old me would have never let him forget what he’d done. I remember someone on here asking, ‘do you want to be right, or happy?’.

I want to be happy.....


Last edited by Westo; 12/27/18 12:11 AM.
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Westo

Sounds like an awesome Christmas

Thanks for encouraging all of us


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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Journaling....

I am so proud of myself, I kept my mouth shut. It was hard but I am determined to be a better version of myself and that meant I had to keep it shut!

Good girl, you are learning and you will get there.

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Originally Posted by Westo
After all, why complicate things further. He had a reason (not an excuse) for what he did, depression and mental health issues. I didn’t.


This right here is what I keep returning to. My own situation my W is not doing the "monstering" thing or the many affairs. She has run away and her communications are almost meek or hesitant which is not typical. She used to be such a confident person! Your situation showed me that people can go through a crisis in a different way and it is just as valid.

Time will tell what my decisions on standing vs moving on will be. But I know that if there is any chance of having a renewed happiness like yours I will give my W the respect she deserves. She has asked for space, and I will respect that request.

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Dear Yail,

That’s all you can do really, give her the space she’s asked for. You don’t own her and whatever happens you know you gave her that.


Last night H aunt and uncle called. I’m very close to her and haven’t spoken to her since he had left.

They came because his uncles sister is dying and called unannounced. h was in work. His aunt, who is only a couple of years older than me made it clear when he left that she would never have taken him back.

She asked me what was going on as she’d seen on FB that he must have come home and I explained to her the hours of research I’d done on MLC and male depression and explained that if I hadn’t had seen with my own eyes the lights go out in his soul, there would have been a very different outcome.

Tonight she messaged me and I’m copying and pasting her message including H’s name.

“Just wanted to say it was really great seeing you yesterday. I think you are the strongest, most forgiving and empathic woman I have ever met! You are an inspiration!❤💋 it was also good to see Steve happy and laughing. 😀Love and best wishes to you all for a wonderful beginning, with love and happiness in 2019 😍🎉”

I would think that some of the emojis don’t show on here but they are basically hearts and kisses.

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Westo Offline OP
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Just a four and a half hours away from Big Ben’s big chimes here.

Happy New Year to you all and may you gain more clarity and strength in 2019.......keep working on you (((cwtch)))

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Happy New Year to you and your family!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Happy New Year Westo!


Me - 47
H - 45
D-16
M - 6 years
Separated - May 16

Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
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Here’s a little tale I haven’t shared before,

I am addicted to alcohol, and I drink two bottles of red wine a day. Last April I read a book on stopping drinking and I did ....for three months.

And then H came back in July of last year, and I started back again, using the excuse of stress.

In the first few months of his return I collapsed three times, with bruises to my body and nerve damage.

I put it down to alcohol.....but no, I honestly believe that it was down to that and stress..

I have been through H3ll.

I haven’t shared this before but want to now, to show people how hard this is.

I haven’t collapsed since....and things are so much better now.

I am posting this because I don’t want people to think reconciliation is easy, because it is not.

Last edited by job; 01/12/19 03:56 AM. Reason: edited a word
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Thank you for sharing that Westo. That took courage as does your continued journey.

Be kind to yourself.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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