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He is returning "home" slowly, but surely. Keep up the good work. Patience is the key when they are slowly returning.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Patience !!! patience is the key !!!!!

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For 27 years I have bought the Christmas presents.

Yesterday as H was about to to go present shopping he asked me what cards he usually got for the family. I looked thick at him and answered “I dunno”.

I had made jars of marshmallow snowmen in chocolate for all the GK’s for Christmas Eve to give including his eight and my two.

Now, don’t get me wrong.....for all these years I bought for his too, but as he had relieved me of that duty for the last two Christmases, I’m quite happy to leave him take on that mantle.

And he did......he went shopping yesterday and today, buying each GK cards (and put cash in) and chocolates etc.

I did feel a bit guilty while he wrapped stuff but at the same time thought he needs to do this. He needs to come to terms that he is a grandfather.

I did wrap his parents stuff today, as he really doesn’t have a clue. He is coming leaps and bounds though...

This may seem very crude to some, but he kept farting on GD today (which she actually loved, as it reminded her of the past) and shows each day how he is reverting back to the old H.

I would say that he is the same now as he was in 2014....two years before BD and I suspect it will take a good year for him to be back to normal.

Anyway, I hope all of you, my dear friends on here a very happy Christmas and a very peaceful New Year.

But most of all, much love and massive cwtches from me, we WILL get there!

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Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Sounds like this holiday season will be magical and full of fun and surprises. You did the right thing...stepping back and allowing him to shop and wrap the presents. It's bringing back many good memories for him. Be sure to compliment him on the wrapping!

Enjoy the holidays!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thank you Job,

Best wishes to you and yours and thank you for your invaluable advice, as always.

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I am always here for you and the posters.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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What a difference 3 years makes.

The last one H spent with us was in 2015. He hardly interacted with any of us (he’d just met OW after all) rolleyes. This morning he got up shortly after me because our GKids live opposite were dying to come over and open their gifts.

He was amazing with them, so attentive and funny. I cooked the dinner and washed up as I went along, something I’ve learned to do while he was gone. I used to make a right mess, knowing H would do all the washing up.

The only thing I asked him to do today was to take the turkey out of the oven! S and D did the washing up.

Along with the usual smellies and stuff, he bought me a beautiful silver bracelet and earrings (I prefer silver to gold) and a lovely card ‘To my gorgeous wife’.

I said “ oooh Gorgeous Wife? Did you read the front of the card?!” He said “no, what does it say?” With a wink.

His humour, which we’ve always loved as a family, is back. We missed it so much. I had to go upstairs this morning to compose myself as the contrast to the last two Christmases was so marked.

We’ve had a lovely day and he’s currently fast asleep on the sofa. I think the effort has taken it out of him, but all is good.

His snoring is getting on my nerves though!

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He said he was going to have forty winks, but that was over an hour ago.....

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I am so glad to come here this evening and read your posting. It's always so special to me when I see someone coming back to earth and being w/family. I think you will find that once he's finished up his crisis, he will be more settled and more mature.

As for the snoring, I think it's a small price to pay to hear that noise in order to have him back home safe and sound.

What a beautiful Christmas all of you had!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Westo, thank you for sharing your updates. Yours specifically has reminded me of my own, for some reason. Not in specifics, but maybe in your approach to it or your thought process. I get the sense that throughout your H's journey you never lost your own compass. I'm so glad you had a nice holiday.

I am early in my own journey, with a W that has left and asked for D. I think perhaps the biggest pearl of wisdom I've gleaned from you is to not put up obstacles for a potential future R. Our frustration or anger may be justified, but nothing good comes out of acting on it. I can respect her need to leave, and build my life as if she won't return. But if we do reach a point where we can R I know I'll be grateful to not need to do extra clean-up.

And my burning question to you: What is this phrase "look thick" when you refer to looking at your H? smile Is it just a blank stare? Used when he makes a dumb comment? I'm unfamiliar with the phrase and I enjoy it smile

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