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A Message from Michele
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Re: Moving Forward [Re: harvey] #2826230
12/06/18 10:17 PM
12/06/18 10:17 PM
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,352
J
JujuB Offline
Member
JujuB  Offline
Member
J
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,352
I cant be friends with my ex. Cordial and polite. Yes. But he did so much crap. To be friends would be like nornalizing really disordered behavior. Like befriending a rapist.... considering the fact that when somene cheats they put you at the same risk, and emotional trauma might even be worse cause it comes with gaslighting, i think thats a really fair analogy.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Re: Moving Forward [Re: FlySolo] #2826257
12/07/18 06:32 AM
12/07/18 06:32 AM
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 114
H
harvey Offline OP
Member
harvey  Offline OP
Member
H
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 114
Originally Posted by FlySolo
Hey Harvey - just checking in and seeing if you'd gone live on the dating site yet. I am curious to see what that's like (I got married before online dating became a thing).

Also, wanted to say thanks for being there for me. You are STILL awesome.


I created a profile on three sites, but I haven't activated them. What I've seen hasn't been promising. Then again, the dudes weren't that promising (if my XW decides to go the online dating route), so there's that.

Thanks for being there for me. The fact that you also had two daughters that were the same ages as my daughters made it feel like we were kindred spirits. smile Sorry for the emoticon.


Me (48), W (41)
D12, D8
M15, T17
BD 8/10/18 (a day after our anniversary)
D filed 11/13/18
D final 12/3/18
Re: Moving Forward [Re: harvey] #2826261
12/07/18 07:05 AM
12/07/18 07:05 AM
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 373
F
FlySolo Offline
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FlySolo  Offline
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F
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 373
I am ok with emoji's. I just don't like them from him. Part of the rainbows and unicorns façade he likes to project.

Activate one of the profiles. Even if you're not quite ready for a relationship you will meet some nice people and hopefully make some new friends along the way. As long as you don't expect the right woman to come along straight away, I think it would be a good thing to give a go. It will help build your confidence too and allow you to flex some of those charm qualities that come out in your post when you're not talking about your sitch - funny, encouraging and self confident. You got this.


W40 (me), H40
M14, Together 16
D12, D9

BD Oct 17
Moved out Mar 18

Re: Moving Forward [Re: harvey] #2826388
12/07/18 08:44 PM
12/07/18 08:44 PM
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 114
H
harvey Offline OP
Member
harvey  Offline OP
Member
H
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 114
I just had my first ugly exchange with XW. We are splitting our accounts. She accused me of paying off bills early so that they would come out of our joint account before we split the checking account. I through every week or two and pay whatever has come. I guess she always waited until the last second to pay the bills. That doesn't work for me because I tend to get overdue payments. She got rude. I told her that wasn't my intention. I told her that if this was going to work out, then she needed to show more respect for me. She got huffy. It's probably good to see the ugly side of her.


Me (48), W (41)
D12, D8
M15, T17
BD 8/10/18 (a day after our anniversary)
D filed 11/13/18
D final 12/3/18
Re: Moving Forward [Re: harvey] #2826393
12/07/18 08:56 PM
12/07/18 08:56 PM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,432
D
doodler Offline
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doodler  Offline
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D
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,432
harvey,

I'm searching for the right words and I can't seem to find them. Maybe I should ask a question (or two, or three).

You're divorced, right? You didn't split the accounts before the divorce? And you expected that to go well?

Re: Moving Forward [Re: doodler] #2826409
12/07/18 10:13 PM
12/07/18 10:13 PM
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 114
H
harvey Offline OP
Member
harvey  Offline OP
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H
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 114
Originally Posted by doodler
harvey,

I'm searching for the right words and I can't seem to find them. Maybe I should ask a question (or two, or three).

You're divorced, right? You didn't split the accounts before the divorce? And you expected that to go well?


We are in a unique situation. We have a house here and a house out of state that we are in the process of selling. The timing for the DB was not ideal. We were in the process of relocating to another state. Of course, she wanted the big house when we built here and she wanted the big house when we moved to another state. It still burns my ass that she said she now realizes she doesn't need a big house. She plans to move to a downtown apartment when we are settled. That's fine. I plan on having a house and yard, so the girls have some space.


Me (48), W (41)
D12, D8
M15, T17
BD 8/10/18 (a day after our anniversary)
D filed 11/13/18
D final 12/3/18
Re: Moving Forward [Re: harvey] #2826411
12/07/18 10:31 PM
12/07/18 10:31 PM
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 114
H
harvey Offline OP
Member
harvey  Offline OP
Member
H
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 114
I activated my dating profile. I know I shouldn't do it, but I feel like I'm in a good spot. Already got 5 likes. One of them is pretty hot and my type. smile I sent her a message.


Me (48), W (41)
D12, D8
M15, T17
BD 8/10/18 (a day after our anniversary)
D filed 11/13/18
D final 12/3/18
Re: Moving Forward [Re: harvey] #2826681
12/10/18 04:15 AM
12/10/18 04:15 AM
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 114
H
harvey Offline OP
Member
harvey  Offline OP
Member
H
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 114
I had a good weekend, but I really hit the wall tonight. Maybe it's because I will be staying with XW and the kids for a couple of days this week. Maybe it' s because I have't seen the girls in awhile. GAL this weekend involved going out with friends for all you can eat crab legs on Saturday. Today I helped my cousin's husband with some handy man stuff he was doing. I came home tonight and my heart is extremely heavy. It really does get lonely when the kids aren't here. I'm not really looking forward to spending a lot of time with XW. It really tore me up when we acted like we were a family after telling the girls a couple of weeks ago.


Me (48), W (41)
D12, D8
M15, T17
BD 8/10/18 (a day after our anniversary)
D filed 11/13/18
D final 12/3/18
Re: Moving Forward [Re: harvey] #2827028
12/11/18 04:02 PM
12/11/18 04:02 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,534
D
Dawn70 Offline
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Dawn70  Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,534
Hang in there, Harvey. Believe it or not, it all gets easier in time. There is no rush and you just have to take things at your own pace, but at some point, it WILL get better. Sending positive thoughts and vibes your way while you are having to spend time with your XW. Enjoy your kiddos!


Me 48, XH 50
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
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