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A Message from Michele
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Piecing....... #2825751
12/04/18 06:43 PM
12/04/18 06:43 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 3,746
S
Steve85 Offline OP
Member
Steve85  Offline OP
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 3,746
So I thought I would start my own piecing thread. Since we've been in piecing since March.

Here is a link to my other threads:

All of Steve85's previous threads

Quick synopsis. BD 12/23/17 - Initiated by me after discovering her long distance EA. Typical things from WAW/WW. "ILYBIANILWY." "I don't want to be married anymore." Etc.

Her plan was to get a job, get an apartment and get a divorce. For us to stay friends. For my D14 to live with me in the marital home. For her to have a key. For us to have dinners both at the marital home and at her apartment. Etc........

Typical WW fog. Up and down behavior. I want to stay. I want to go. I don't know what I want.

I made classic LBS mistakes the first 2 days of begging, pleading, moping, crying, using logic, etc. Day 3 I remembered DBing based on her first EA in Sept. of 2005. (That time she immediately recommitted back to the marriage.)

Last act of rebellion against the MR was in mid-Feb. After that she committed back to the MR. She began to participate in MC and do the homework. She did a 180 on many things, started to become invested back in the family, the home, etc.

We've been piecing since the end of February. And it has been hard work. I've maintained my 180s, I continue my GAL activities, and I also have learned that detachment is something that all married folks should have (lookup self-differentiation in marriage).


M(49), W(50)
D(15)
M-19, T-21
Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017

No God, no peace. Know God, know peace.
Re: Piecing....... [Re: Steve85] #2825782
12/04/18 10:15 PM
12/04/18 10:15 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 867
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BluWave Offline
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BluWave  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 867
Hi Steve,

Welcome to the slow forums ;-) Maybe we can change the culture of that??? I did not read your initial threads. Your sitch turned around rather fast. Wow. 3 months? That's record time around here! I often wonder had my H not left for the full blown R with OW for 10 months, how things would have been different. On BD, it had mostly been an EA an he had no intention of leaving. I think it would have been easier to forgive his initial EA and piece because at least he was still home and with our family initially. Who knows that tho.

When I first started posting, there were several piecers - 25, Train, Mowgli, Lim, Stormchaser, NYGal, and then JoeJoe came around this summer. I'm sure I am forgetting many. Perhaps I should move my threads over here too. I do appreciate when they come back for a visit and update. How can we encourage folks to give more updates in piecing? And it seems like when folks piece (or give up on hope for the M) they often stop posting altogether.

I certainly do appreciate how much time and energy you give to the boards! You are pretty awesome. Thank you!

Blu

Last edited by BluWave; 12/04/18 10:18 PM.

“The more decisions that you are forced to make alone, the more you are aware of your freedom to choose.” — Thornton Wilder
Re: Piecing....... [Re: Steve85] #2825817
12/05/18 10:40 AM
12/05/18 10:40 AM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 12,613
NY
Cadet Offline
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Cadet  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 12,613
NY
25 is now divorced and she moved to Poland this year, she is actually doing well

Also my friend was Jack 3 Beans who passed away two years ago, RIP sir


Welcome Steve


Me-64, D32,S31
Re: Piecing....... [Re: Steve85] #2825923
12/05/18 05:58 PM
12/05/18 05:58 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 3,746
S
Steve85 Offline OP
Member
Steve85  Offline OP
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 3,746
Thanks Blu and Cadet. Yes I'd like to see these boards more active. Blu yeah I look back and am still surprised at how fast my sitch turned around. A lot of it was due to certain circumstances that most sitches do not meet. Like I initiated BD. My W's EA OM took himself out of the picture within a few weeks of BD. W started prowling for OM2, but due to still being in the marital home and being primary caretaker of D14 didn't have as much opportunity as some other Ws (she is a SAHM). Then there was the church angle. Some friends there invited us to a marriage retreat and to my surprise she agreed. She came to C with me (we were unsure if it was MC or if I was going to continue in IC alone) but she liked the C and agreed to continue attending.

But it was just shy of 3 months. I remember in my threads, the wayward side of her started initiating sex with me in early March. Within days we had had sex many many times. I was still mastering DBing at the time but knew not to attach significance to it.

Actually this morning in the shower it dawned on me. I am pretty sure I know the moment that she gave up her waywardness. We were on our want to MC and she casually mentioned that her voracious desire for sex had abated. Whatever switch had been flipped leading up to her EA that made her so sexual suddenly seemed to switch off again. Prior to BD we had a SSM. Since we've been intimate on a pretty good cadence (once or twice a month which is WAY over what we averaged for the first 19 years of our marriage). But the waywardness seemed to disappear along with her insatiable sexual appetite. I theorize that the two were part and parcel of whatever was causing her to want to walkaway.

Its okay though, I can live with once or twice a month! LOL And MR 2.0 is 100 times better than MR 1.0 was.

Sorry for the diatribe. I tend to do that. laugh


M(49), W(50)
D(15)
M-19, T-21
Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017

No God, no peace. Know God, know peace.

Moderated by  Virginia 

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