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Manta #2837744 02/17/19 08:05 PM
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Hi Manta,

I think what you said is fair and reasonable. It doesn't really matter like you say. This is really a low point in life. Probably the lowest that most of us will ever experience. Honestly your situation is probably among the worst I've read about here or anywhere. What kind of woman just abandons her husband like that? Especially a loving, loyal, responsible husband? We can move on but the pain is so deep that we'll never be the same, at least how I see it. I say we should never let anyone undermine our sorrow and grief. A lot of people will try to brush it off or say we deserve better and that's all true, and the truth means something, but there's also this process of grief that can't just be rushed. You sound like you're doing great though. You've gotten through the hardest parts already and your attitude is healthy. You sound like such a great guy. I don't even have any doubt whatsoever that you'll find a loyal partner someday.

I've been going through this a little longer than you. I don't think I'll ever find another man who seems as perfect as my husband was when we first met. Yet I'm talking with a man right now who I like and appreciate in a different way and it may not turn into anything but I can kind of imagine how love can manifest itself in different ways. Sometimes it may not start off as a fairy tale but there may be an emotional or intellectual connection that's much deeper than what we had with the person who left us. Perhaps we don't realize that we can have feelings for someone on a different dimension that we didn't even know could exist. There's a lot left to discover in the world and through connecting with many different kinds of people. It's like we're all on these parallel journeys and it may feel so dark and lonely yet we cross paths with someone who understands exactly how we feel, and feels exactly the same thing at exactly the same time, and they're compatible in other ways as well (age, gender, appearance, career, etc..) and this might be an entry point towards finding love again.

I hope since you and your partner don't have kids (which I knew, by the way!) and since she's the one that left you, then hopefully she won't ask much of you and you won't lose much financially through the divorce. It's so great that you and she don't have kids together. No one else will have to suffer or be disadvantaged for their whole life because of her immature actions except you who is thankfully an adult. Still, you're important, and what she did to you is the lowest, most disgusting thing one human can do to another.

NicoleR #2837749 02/17/19 08:39 PM
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Originally Posted by NicoleR
Hi Manta,

I think what you said is fair and reasonable. It doesn't really matter like you say. This is really a low point in life. Probably the lowest that most of us will ever experience. Honestly your situation is probably among the worst I've read about here or anywhere. What kind of woman just abandons her husband like that? Especially a loving, loyal, responsible husband? We can move on but the pain is so deep that we'll never be the same, at least how I see it. I say we should never let anyone undermine our sorrow and grief. A lot of people will try to brush it off or say we deserve better and that's all true, and the truth means something, but there's also this process of grief that can't just be rushed. You sound like you're doing great though. You've gotten through the hardest parts already and your attitude is healthy. You sound like such a great guy. I don't even have any doubt whatsoever that you'll find a loyal partner someday.

I've been going through this a little longer than you. I don't think I'll ever find another man who seems as perfect as my husband was when we first met. Yet I'm talking with a man right now who I like and appreciate in a different way and it may not turn into anything but I can kind of imagine how love can manifest itself in different ways. Sometimes it may not start off as a fairy tale but there may be an emotional or intellectual connection that's much deeper than what we had with the person who left us. Perhaps we don't realize that we can have feelings for someone on a different dimension that we didn't even know could exist. There's a lot left to discover in the world and through connecting with many different kinds of people. It's like we're all on these parallel journeys and it may feel so dark and lonely yet we cross paths with someone who understands exactly how we feel, and feels exactly the same thing at exactly the same time, and they're compatible in other ways as well (age, gender, appearance, career, etc..) and this might be an entry point towards finding love again.

I hope since you and your partner don't have kids (which I knew, by the way!) and since she's the one that left you, then hopefully she won't ask much of you and you won't lose much financially through the divorce. It's so great that you and she don't have kids together. No one else will have to suffer or be disadvantaged for their whole life because of her immature actions except you who is thankfully an adult. Still, you're important, and what she did to you is the lowest, most disgusting thing one human can do to another.



I have tears in my eyes reading this Nicole. Thank you for your support through this. It means a lot to me. I feel very alone at times on this board, especially reading others stories about their WW's, trying to Reconcile and also the up's and downs. My wife discarded me like trash with no reason. She is in full limerence with the a$$hole. Both liars and cheaters who are trying to legitimize their relationship asap.

I read on another forum someone saying, WW can be FWW's in time, but BS can't be FBS. It rings through.

I was doing so well, moving forward but this has set me back. I guess i thought there was hope for us, but she just want's me erased.

One day when the D is over, her A has ended and high chances it won't work out, i hope and pray she will learn from it and become a good person and see the error of her ways. I have blocked her number now and from now on all communication can be done through my solicitor. If she wants to contact me, she can use other means. But i need to protect myself financially now and keep moving forward. It's very scary, as it's been 6 1/2 months since DDay.


BH: 36 WW:33
M: 2
Relationship: 6 years. Dday: Aug 2018
0
1st mention of D: 30/09, 2nd Mention 17/02/2019
LRT: Oct 2018
WW & AP: EA & PA since June 2018 (Moved country and in with AP Feb 2019)
Manta #2837781 02/18/19 04:49 AM
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Manta,

I had tears reading your update earlier! It's just so sad that it has to end this way. Over the holidays when my husband said he still wants a divorce it was a setback for me as well. It's really hard. I hope everything makes more sense someday in the future. Please keep us posted on what happens next.

Manta #2837782 02/18/19 06:27 AM
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(((Manta))). So sorry you are going through this. It is so hard to reconcile the person you married with the person who bombed you. I, too, feel like I was discarded and if it weren’t for our kids, I’m pretty sure I would not have seen him again. Stay strong. You WILL get through this.

Manta #2837784 02/18/19 08:56 AM
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I hope so. Need to contact my solictor today and update him. I'm scared, hurt and feeling lost at the moment. But i must be strong and protect my myself.

I think she has moved back to her home country and moved in with the AP now. Everything has been so rushed, it's hard to get my head around it.

Last edited by Manta; 02/18/19 08:58 AM.

BH: 36 WW:33
M: 2
Relationship: 6 years. Dday: Aug 2018
0
1st mention of D: 30/09, 2nd Mention 17/02/2019
LRT: Oct 2018
WW & AP: EA & PA since June 2018 (Moved country and in with AP Feb 2019)
Manta #2837794 02/18/19 01:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Manta
Ok, so i messaged WW. Just changed a few symbols as I don't want her to know i'm on here.

"WW, i recieivd your message. If this is @ legal/financial concern, contact my solicitor directly. If this is about something else, i can be reached my email. That said, WW you hurt me deeply and humiliated me. I have been working on myself and my well being. Please Respect this."


Manta, I agree with LH that you should have left the last few sentences off, without those it would have been a perfect response. Those sentences tell her you are still Plan B whereas the rest was being said from a position of strength, power and confidence. See the difference? I know you already sent it but this comment is just for future reference.

Originally Posted by Manta
I hope so. Need to contact my solictor today and update him. I'm scared, hurt and feeling lost at the moment. But i must be strong and protect my myself.


What's the hurry? You sent her your solicitor's info, let her deal with it. She may very well not bother. Don't do anything to help her along unless you want to. Provide anything that is required, but nothing more.

Quote
I think she has moved back to her home country and moved in with the AP now. Everything has been so rushed, it's hard to get my head around it.


It has indeed been very rushed, and usually that's a red flag that it's not going to last. The best you can do right now is maintain radio silence and continue to keep contact to business-only. Your sitch reminds me of a friend of mine, I may have mentioned this in your thread before but his W left him and immediately set up house with an OM. They sold their house and business and split the proceeds and then he went dead silent on her. They did not speak for 2 years, then she started pinging him and that eventually led to coffee then dating. Now they live together again and are happier than before. So you never know what will happen. This is more about her than you.

Last edited by AnotherStander; 02/18/19 01:21 PM.

Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

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Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Originally Posted by Manta
Ok, so i messaged WW. Just changed a few symbols as I don't want her to know i'm on here.

"WW, i recieivd your message. If this is @ legal/financial concern, contact my solicitor directly. If this is about something else, i can be reached my email. That said, WW you hurt me deeply and humiliated me. I have been working on myself and my well being. Please Respect this."


Manta, I agree with LH that you should have left the last few sentences off, without those it would have been a perfect response. Those sentences tell her you are still Plan B whereas the rest was being said from a position of strength, power and confidence. See the difference? I know you already sent it but this comment is just for future reference.

Originally Posted by Manta
I hope so. Need to contact my solictor today and update him. I'm scared, hurt and feeling lost at the moment. But i must be strong and protect my myself.


What's the hurry? You sent her your solicitor's info, let her deal with it. She may very well not bother. Don't do anything to help her along unless you want to. Provide anything that is required, but nothing more.

Quote
I think she has moved back to her home country and moved in with the AP now. Everything has been so rushed, it's hard to get my head around it.


It has indeed been very rushed, and usually that's a red flag that it's not going to last. The best you can do right now is maintain radio silence and continue to keep contact to business-only. Your sitch reminds me of a friend of mine, I may have mentioned this in your thread before but his W left him and immediately set up house with an OM. They sold their house and business and split the proceeds and then he went dead silent on her. They did not speak for 2 years, then she started pinging him and that eventually led to coffee then dating. Now they live together again and are happier than before. So you never know what will happen. This is more about her than you.



Who knows what might happen. I can't change my message, but point taken. Right now I'm going back to Gal/Detach and NC. I'm not in a rush and will take my time with my solictor. Business only.

I'm at a point where i don't need/want her anymore. I still love her in my own way, but maybe that's just the woman i thought she was.


BH: 36 WW:33
M: 2
Relationship: 6 years. Dday: Aug 2018
0
1st mention of D: 30/09, 2nd Mention 17/02/2019
LRT: Oct 2018
WW & AP: EA & PA since June 2018 (Moved country and in with AP Feb 2019)
Manta #2837845 02/18/19 04:50 PM
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Oh man... it's been a long difficult day today. Trying to process all of this, after so many months of NC and nothing happening. I knew something would eventually come, knowing she's moved in with AP and moved away to another country is tough.

I guess from now on, my posts will be different, with more topics besides my journaling. I'm sure there will be plenty more twists in store. I feel very lonely right now. I miss hugs, kisses, sex, intimacy with my WW. I haven't been with anyone since my WW left last August. Maybe one day I will be ready again.


BH: 36 WW:33
M: 2
Relationship: 6 years. Dday: Aug 2018
0
1st mention of D: 30/09, 2nd Mention 17/02/2019
LRT: Oct 2018
WW & AP: EA & PA since June 2018 (Moved country and in with AP Feb 2019)
Manta #2837876 02/18/19 07:52 PM
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Manta,

It's overwhelming! That is the worst - the loneliness. After we get married we're used to laying in bed next to our partners after a long day. We have that physical and emotional connection to rely upon at all times. We feel secure and happy. Then suddenly that person is gone and not only gone, they're with someone else. There is no greater betrayal. And you can't just move on like they can. It's just so hard when that last little glimmer of hope is gone.

I like this forum a lot but there are no real names or faces or human warmth that comes from text on a screen. This is a great place to share peer support but sometimes it's helpful to connect with people in real life. I found some groups on facebook that are really helpful. There's a divorce support group here in my area that wasn't very helpful but maybe there's a good one in yours. It's important to keep talking to people who understand and who listen without any judgment. I found neighbors to be a good source of support because they're right next door and you can see them any time.

I guess what helps us survive this crisis differs from person-to-person. There's so much to figure out. You've talked about your family, friends, travel, and faith (I believe). It seems like you're doing everything right. To be able to admit your pain and talk about it is a sign of a healthy attitude!

You'll definitely be ready again to meet someone else down-the-road. Like I mentioned it seems like it'll be something different. You can never really replace your wife but I'm sure it'll be great! It's just hard to feel that way right at this particular time as I know from my own experience.

I hope you'll keep posting and just writing whatever's on your mind. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

Manta #2837879 02/18/19 08:29 PM
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NicoleR you hit the nail on the head and every aspect and sentiment with that post. You guys are all great and supportive, but unfortunately, that doesn't replace what was once next to you in bed, that was emotionally, physically, and mentally connected to you. I'm going through a IHS forced by financial circumstances. My wife is a WAW, but man I've never felt more alone my life. Went to the movies last Sat by myself, just to get used to doing things alone again. I'm at the point where I'm done trying to salvage. she doesn't want she wants to separate move on with her life, but not divorce, at least not yet.

I'm actually starting to put things into clarity, and realize she isn't the person I thought she was, is, and possibly will be. I just want to sell the house and get on with my life. but it's going to take at least six months or more to get rid of it after I fix it up.
I'm coming to a crossroad where why do I want myself to be strung along? Buy anyone for that matter?

Last edited by IHCLACS; 02/18/19 08:31 PM.
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