Days go by, GAL is great but still I find myself crying and missing my W and S, we had no contact almost at all, a lot of thing were unspoken.
Do I need closure? Do I need to hang in there? Do I need to wait?
I already act like a single person, I stay really busy and as productive as I can, I very little time off, today I had to slow down and go home after work today, I am exhausted, to much overtime, to much working out ( I already run 5k every other day I started at nothing and completely unfit) I am almost 40 pounds lighter. Don't get me wrong, I love the results of my healthy diet and exercise, I am still active on meditation too, I manage to get classes for free since I volunteered to cook vegetarian meals to the staff and teachers, I have a few new friends, I spend weekends doing activist work for an animal rights group, I meet people everywhere now, I have given my phone number to a few ladies only to regret when they call me for coffee, I usually tell them I am busy.
Why after all of this overpowering success at GALing I still feel almost dead?
you said it, you are doing the right things you know you should be doing but your heart is not there. it can be draining going against your will. you feel dead because your heart wants what it cant have for now.
stay strong buddy. left, right, left, right. keep doing what you've been doing. eventually, things will catch up. Are you doing the PIES?
Where are you spiritually? Maybe put some emphasis here too to balance out.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
(((Krull))). I really feel for you. I still have days like what you describe. I think it is terrible that she would take your son away like that. As a mom, I would never deprive my child of the only father he has ever known...it doesn’t matter that he is not your biological son. I really think you should look into what your rights are if you haven’t already. What she has done is akin to kidnapping, IMO. That aside... honestly... I think you should force yourself to go on a couple of those coffee dates. It is just coffee. It doesn’t have to be anything more. But...it may be a good reminder to you that your w’s behaviour is NOT about you. You are a good person who other people would be happy to have in their lives. Spend some time with those people. It will get better. As Adam suggested... just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You will eventually get somewhere. (((HUGS)))
I already did extensive research about my S and I do not have any right or law to help me see him, it breaks my heart, I know he asks about me, we were best friends, we would play all the time, he would listen to me more that to W, W would get angry seeing us having a good time or him doing what I asked him to do with no tantrum, W would say " WHY i DO LOOK LIKE BI^% HERE? HE LISTENS TO YOU" it sounded like jealousy to me, I did not have any intentions to be the better parent or anything, I think we have a good connection.
I am here with you buddy . Keep going make Krull a man everyone loves , you can do it . I am sure a gentle breeze will slowly move the cloud. I talk to random people and I find it helps to connect with other people. Even if you’re not interested, having a convo with a pretty lady can’t be bad can it ?
I am here with you buddy . Keep going make Krull a man everyone loves , you can do it . I am sure a gentle breeze will slowly move the cloud. I talk to random people and I find it helps to connect with other people. Even if you’re not interested, having a convo with a pretty lady can’t be bad can it ?
I have tried, actually people come talk to me sometimes, I am not ready, this journey was not chosen by me, all of what I do now makes me proud, I never in my dreams I would imagine that I am running 5k every other day, lost 25 pounds, take meditation classes, joined an activist group, work overtime every day, paying off the credit card that I was left with, somehow I have managed to have extra $$$ to pay off the credit card that W used and left me with the balance.
I am looking my best lately, very good diet and exercise, I have noticed sometimes ladies look at me talk and flirt with me, honestly I just wish it was my W the one flirting, I am not ready, I am still in love with her.
I talk to no one, we only have mutual friends and I know they will pass the information, my family lives in another country, I can't afford therapy.
A few days ago I considered suicide, that was most scary thing that has ever crossed my mind, just having that as an option speaks a lot of how I feel.
