Adult Adoptee and the MLC

[North99]

Happy Thanksgiving week, everyone!

I've been doing well recently, focusing on me and my stuff along with my S and being in a decent mood is becoming the norm and not the exception. Something did happen tonight though, that I would like some feedback on:

W came over this afternoon to pick up our S and spend some time with him at her apartment. The plan was - as it has been - to spend a few hours with him then bring him home so she could get some rest for work early tomorrow morning. All fine until she called me around dinner time, asking if I could instead come over to pick S up. The issue is that she moved to a place in the city and parking is a nightmare in her neighborhood. She felt giving up her spot to bring S home would jeopardize her ability to find another legal, suitable spot and she's already gotten a few hundred dollars worth of parking tickets in the last 6 weeks.

My instinct (which I did not express) was that this is her problem, she chose to leave our nice rural home with ample, free parking and move to the city and she needs to own that. I'm glad I didn't say anything to that effect; I simply agreed (though I'm sure I sounded annoyed) and got our S. Still trying to be principled here.

Frankly, I feel like I'm being played. She knows full well I would walk through fire for our S and taking a 20 minute ride into town, finding my own parking and battling traffic is no problem to get him even if it is inconvenient for me. This puts me into the class rock-and-a-hard-place - if I decline to go over under the auspices of parking being "her problem", it can be argued I'm hurting our S or declining him in some way. If I do it, I'm essentially saying "how high?" when she says "JUMP!".

Any thoughts? Am I simply in analysis paralysis here or is there some manipulation afoot?

The whole episode has made me angry at her but I'm trying to release it so I don't slip back into the thoughts that fixate on her. I know she's not well so I'm leaving her be, but I also don't want to be a tool in her enabling.

[Gerda]

Hallo -- My advice is to not strategize in any way, shape or form about your W. If your son needs you, run to him. All that matters is that he sees that you appear whenever you are needed, that you are his rock and would never leave him high and dry just to prove a point to W. Who cares what spinning or manipulating she is doing? S needs you to pick him up. He will need you many times to stand in the various gaps she left, this one is easy. You should see some of the gaps I have had to stand in when my H abandoned ship; my son has completely spiraled since H went crazy. Now it's at the point that I have to spend 2-3 hours per day trying to get him to go to school and taking him there myself. I can't even work in the mornings now because of it. But I do it for S. The one who is suffering is not you, it's your S. But your love and care will heal him.

[Gordie]

I will confess

I took the principled stand at the beginning

W said she would pickup s

W then forgets

Calls me and asks me to do it

Because she is busy getting her nails done or whatever

I get angry

Gerda is right

I learned the hard way

Suck it up for your kids