When you are around a person, you get to know them and their likes and dislikes. For example, say your spouse likes certain types of movies, hobbies, drinks, food, clothing, etc. Then when that person enters into MLC, those things will change. They will become the opposite of the person you knew. Their likes will change, some change up the way they dress, music will change, the crowd that they hang out with now will be different, they may not have smoked previously, but will pick up the habit, some take up drinking, gambling drugs and the one thing that we have noticed is that the person they hook up with is the opposite of the spouse that they left behind. Neat freaks become slobs, those that like to go to bed at a reasonable hour become night owls and the list can go on and on. Their behavior and actions are the opposite of who they were before crisis.
Does this answer your question?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
thankyou for that It certainly answers my question . If I think about it I can see what your saying in some of the things she does for example before the crisis she was a tidy person always tidying things up and the such but what I notice now if she comes her while I’m at work or whatever she had a cup of tea and sandwich or the like but when I come in never is the cup or plates washed up there just left on the side for me to wash up which I don’t mind I just find it strange I guess it’s a case of he can do it lol.
My H hasn't washed a dish or taken out the trash or walked the dog or done actually almost a single thing around this house since MLC started five years ago. I come in from shoveling the walk in an ice storm and he is lolling on the couch in front of the fire. He woke up for about a week last year and started helping and fixing with great energy, and then withdrew again and my "life as a housekeeper" began again.
Last edited by Gerda; 12/13/1811:35 PM.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
I was talking to a good friend of Mine the other day now I have heard and read about people who say oh don’t wait to long you’ve got a life as well what happens if someone comes along blah blah blah this coming from someone who me and the W who have known this friend for 30 years .i guess it’s true what they say about people having an opinion on what you should do but the reality is would they walk away if it was them I very much doubt it . Don’t get me wrong I do have thoughts like that for about a microsecond but to walk now would in my eyes be giving up the fight and I’m not a quitter I said I’d wait and I will for how long who knows only I will know that if and when it arises,although sometimes you do question yourself as to why you would want to wait for someone who treats you so bad is a question u do not know the answer to I just know I have to for now . Mind you she has cycled back to anger because she’s so angry at me even though we’re not living together anymore she still has anger towards me .she was ok for a bit but now seems so angry again and I don’t know why .i am still struggling myself with it all still cycling Back and forth I knew this was going be hard but it is s harder than I ever imagined I can see my faith being tested to the max on this one . Mind you it’s not just at me because the daughter was talking with her on the phone the other day and ended up rowing with her after ten mins also other people are noticing how she has changed and become selfish and not the person they knew and if people ask me I won’t lie I’ll tell them the truth MLC I’m afraid.in just having a little vent I think ,I need to
The anger is terrible because they are just plain angry at themselves and everything and everyone around them. The least little thing can set them off and that why living w/a MLCer is called walking on eggshells. The best thing you can do is leave them to their anger and walk away after you say something like 'I'm sorry you feel this way". Try not to argue w/them if you can. They are looking for validation as to why they feel the way they do.
I am sorry that she's acting like this w/the holidays fast approaching. Try to find things to do w/your family and leave her to her time and space. She needs to figure things out for herself.
People have opinions on what you should or should not do...but until they walk a mile in your shoes, they will not understand what you are going through.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well w turned up this morning no anger today but don’t they Moan . Moaning about this and that not at me but just genarally. The one thing I noticed though was I had no anxiety,none Which was a nice surprise for me as I thought oh here we go again but no nothing . I still find it strange how they behave differently all the time. One good thing is I didn’t feel nothing towards her , maybe im learning to detach from her I don’t know but I was quite proud that I didn’t push anything and let her do the talking or moaning lol I think if I didn’t have you people to explain how it is I wouldof lost the plot by now due to the different mood types all the time . It is very strange how you can look at them and they look perfectly normal yetyou don’t really know what’s in their mind . I still struggle sometimes thinking whether there’s an affair going on or not but I tend to not focus on it as much now it is what it is and it’s her cross to bear if she is.you have decided that I will wait 2 years after that no more what happens happens I cannot wait indefinitely because that would be foolish on my part and I think 2 years is ample time considering I think she’s already been in this crisis for 2 years or so with b/ d 8 months ago I think need to set a timeline for my sake I think it gives me some kind of Ending to this one way or the other
Sounds like you are beginning to detach a bit. You will find that detaching is for you and not to get her to change. A timeline for you is okay, but things can and will change as she works through her crisis. Actually, their moods can change very quickly. One thing I learned is that when my xh was ranting, I would change the subject very quickly and he would settle down.
One thing you need to understand, this is a very emotional journey for them and yes, their emotions are all over the place.
So, what are your plans for the holiday season? Notice I asked what YOUR plans are. Find things to keep yourself busy and motivated and leave her to her little world.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
2 years is a good mark because you can focus on you for that time You can grieve the old R because it is done- you can begin to notice the changes you want to make in yourself and create a new life- new hobbies-maybe connecting with a new or old friend doing things that make you happy, church, volunteering sports, whatever is your thing-
during this time- you can watch her- her choices- her changes her actions- you will know more later Many will not make it though MLC without some devastating changes but usually the LBS will land on their feet
watch your finances and credit cards.. do you have kids?
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Well for the holidays I have one of my sons coming up to the house with his partner and the new grandchild so that should be nice to see them and the new baby as I haven’t met her yet I’m so looking forward to that and then on the 28th a birthday meal for the daughter so that should be a nice day my other son is coming up for new year but he has got the hump with her as he has phoned and phoned and messaged her without even 1reply so says he’s not phoning or messaging her no more same as the daughter really. I have tried to explain to them what is happening but I think because they don’t realky understand mlc although I have explained some of it to them they struggle to understand why she is being like she is toward them .they can see a big change in her and it is hard for them because they only know the old mom not the way she is now so it is hard for them as well .
