MC session # 6 today. After some 'pleasantries', the entire session was spent on one of W's specific resentments towards me. the one about me not assisting in a 'big' issue the night before our wedding, that I honestly don't even remember.
I tried to validate W's feelings, but again, I really had no idea this situation even existed. After getting our 'sides' of the story, C started talking about 'intent' of actions, and feels I had no intent to be hurtful. Maybe I was a little clueless at the time and didn't pay more attention to see if W was struggling with something, but C didn't really understand why/how W could still hold this against me. C certainly didn't take sides, but that specific incident could have been dealt with very easily at the time (in C's opinion).
C asked W to bring any other resentments she's been harboring against me so we can discuss. Good times! She also told me that I am free to bring up any issues I've had with W.
Good session I guess, but I have a feeling this is going to keep getting harder and harder.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
T, nothing worthwhile is easy. NOTHING. So if MC was easy then it would be a waste of time, money, and effort. It is like healing a wound. There are things that hurt and that you have to go through (cleaning it out, stitching it up, having stitches removed) that are not pleasant but are necessary for proper healing. View MC and facing those resentments like that.
I recently had a friend pass away suddenly. Nothing worse than going to a funeral, it is rough. But it is necessary to for proper closure and moving forward. I do not know of anyone that wakes up the morning of a funeral and says "Yeay! I get to go to a funeral today!"
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Hi folks. Just wanted to check in since it's been a few days.
Not much has happened since last week. I've actually been dealing with bronchitis, so I've been laid up the last few days. W has actually been really patient with me, and doing nice things for me. In the past, we both would seemingly give each other a day or two to 'get better', then we'd get mad at each other for not helping out. This has been different, although I feel guilty for not being able to do very much.
We have another MC on Wednesday. We've had no R talks since last week, but did decide to again host Thanksgiving dinner for our families.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Get yourself well physically first! This is utmost. That is why GAL is so important.
Exercise. Eat right. Physical health and mental/emotional health are very closely related.
After my BD in Dec, I got so sick in the late winter/early spring. Flu turned into sinus infection with lung inflammation, turned into bronchitis with lung inflammation. Was a long road. If I could to it over again I would have taken even better care of myself physically. This cannot be stressed enough.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
glad to hear you are still in MC. I think getting those resentments out is important. It [censored] for the side who "caused" the resentment, but keeping that inside of yourself (or your W's self) is tough and makes things worse. So you have to get it out and let it go. The down side is that you feel like you've been yelled at. But I guess we need to listen and try to understand what's going on with them before they will do us the favor. Just continue to lead by example. Do the right thing and work hard for the best outcome while remembering that you only control yourself.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Health wise, I'm still getting over this bubonic plague or whatever the hell I have. But I feel better.
MC this afternoon, and I think the plan is to deal with those resentments. That could change though, but yeah, it's going to suck. It's going to be a fine line between validating and trying to give my point of view on things. Regardless, there's nothing I can do about that stuff now.
I do have a question. Yesterday, W got a much deserved promotion at work. She is really excited about it, and I'm happy for her. My question is, what are your thoughts on me like taking her to dinner to celebrate, or getting her something small?
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
That was fun. Basically 45 minutes of W firing off complaints like a howitzer. C actually stopped her at one point and said to focus on big 'themes' that may have occurred, but W was not to be deterred. I think I said 5 words the whole session. And when we were leaving, W says to me 'are you ok? you seemed a little quiet in there.' Yeah, no [censored].
I guess this was a necessary part of the process though. I gotta say, when W told me a few months ago that there may be too much damage over the years, now I know what she was talking about. 7 sessions in and we barely even mentioned any issues I've had with W over the years, let alone a little thing called her EA.
Oh well.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
W and I had a conversation Friday night about our last MC session. I ended up telling her that hearing all those resentments was tough, even though I realize it's a necessary part of the process. She asked if I though MC was helping, and I said absolutely, but we're 8 sessions in and haven't even mentioned any issues I've had, up to and including her EA. We talked about that for a bit and I felt better about things.
As I said, W got a promotion at work, so I got us a sitter for last night and planned going to dinner to celebrate. Oh, I did get her a card and gift card Wednesday, which she thanked me for and kissed me on the cheek. Last night, like has happened so many times over the last year, our dinner turned into a 'double date' with friends of ours. W and I have very few opportunities to be 'alone', and again at MC this week W and therapist both said we need to have more 'dates'. So it was a bit disappointing that W kind of invited these friends to come out with us. By the end of the night, W was puking drunk.
Absolutely zero physical contact from her still, which to me has now reached critical level of frustration. Despite her repeatedly saying that she's 'starting to get those feelings back', her actions say otherwise.
I've been pretty quiet during our 8 MC sessions, but this week is going to be different.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
