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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2811862#Post2811862

Suddenly they stopped before a little house, which looked very miserable. The roof reached to the ground; and the door was so low, that the family were obliged to creep upon their stomachs when they went in or out. Nobody was at home except an old Lapland woman, who was dressing fish by the light of an oil lamp. And the Reindeer told her the whole of Gerda's history, but first of all his own; for that seemed to him of much greater importance. Gerda was so chilled that she could not speak.

"Poor thing," said the Lapland woman, "you have far to run still. You have more than a hundred miles to go before you get to Finland; there the Snow Queen has her country-house, and burns blue lights every evening. I will give you a few words from me, which I will write on a dried haberdine, for paper I have none; this you can take with you to the Finland woman, and she will be able to give you more information than I can."

Last edited by Gerda; 11/08/18 07:47 AM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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How are you?


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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Gerda Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Gordie
How are you?


Well, sometimes I am okay. Mostly I am so chilled I cannot speak.

I had a long bikeride to work and was grappling with my feelings of fear and rejection. And I thought about you, Gordie, and DnJ, not to mention sjohn and SBJ and a few other folks on here. I thought about who you are, what you are, what you did, do, will do. And I considered how obvious it is that your spouses' rejection is not about you. I realized that you must have felt the same rejection and pain that I feel but that from the outside it is so obvious it is not you. So I tried for a long time to put myself into the same story I was telling, to imagine how you hopefully see me, so that I could see that for myself, also, there is no need to feel that I am personally being rejected.

It makes sense in my mind at least. That's a start.

My H comes back from his trip today. The though of returning to the life I had before he left is terrorizing me, so I am taking a 2-night reprieve, going with my kids to see a friend who lives in a beautiful place. Hopefully he will get home after we are gone. But then Sunday I can't run anymore.

I am meeting with the L today to file the motion. You won't believe this but she had to cancel our meeting earlier this week because she was afraid her H, from whom she is separated, had committed suicide and had to go with the police to his house. He hadn't. But it was more proof of how lost so many spouses are in this world!!!!

Last edited by Gerda; 11/09/18 03:52 PM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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Gerda,

Sorry you feeling this way, but your right
Sometimes I wonder about you all. Is interesting
How a connection through our Spouses them
Becoming MLC and we LBS we became a family
Well speaking for myself ya all did. Is weird when
I go the divorce groups and speak about how ya
Keep me strong. And ya advice wow so amazing.

And everytime I am about to give up I have you all
That remind me not to and why.

We will forever have a connection and I pray oneday we
Can all meet in a retreat just Us no Spouses.
My therapist have said God is a miracle worker.

Funny thing is I lost my phone for 2 days couldn't find
It I try to Google because I couldn't remember the website
Name and I couldn't find I was panicking, but also
I realized when I was at the edge of that cliff boom
It was so easy to find over a year ago. Therapist said that
Is God doing his work he knew you needed support and
Still do.

Gerda, I can't imagine you feeling that way. I sometimes
Feel that way at pick up and drop off. Is the worse feeling
Chest feels like is caving in. Can't breathe, I am like frozen
I honestly don't know how some LBS lives with MLC
I must say I count my blessings. Because I know it
Would not be good if we lived together.

Everyone here is always in my prayers. Stay strong.
You are amazing.


At BD
Lesbian marriage
Me39,W36
S9,D9,S8 adopted all three
Together almost 10yrs
Bomb Drop - April 2017
W movedout - May,2017
OW June,2017
Currently 2018
Me40, W38
S10,D10,S9
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Gerda,

Wishing you good luck today when you meet up w/the lawyer. Ask plenty of questions.

I'm glad you are going away for a couple of days. There is no telling just what kind of mood he will be in when he returns and it is best to be out of the way to give him time to settle back down and also to give you a bit of peace.

Thinking of you today and sending positive thoughts your way!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Gerda Offline OP
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Thank you, Job. Incidentally the beautiful place I am going is in Maryland! Near Easton. If you are near there, please e-mail me!


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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Gerda,

I am in southern Maryland. Easton is on the eastern shore and is approximately 3- 3 1/2 hours from me.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Gerda

Yes rejection hurts

We all take it so personally

How can this person I have loved reject ME

But you are right that it is not about the LBS

Even though they may say otherwise

It took me a long time to realize that

Enjoy your time at the shore


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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Gerda Offline OP
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I just got home and my H was out but he had left gifts from Rome on the table, wrapped, with labels for each of my kids... and one for me with my name on it. On the other table was all the mail, which he had sorted so that a giant envelope from his lawyer was on the bottom. I opened that first and it was his statement of net worth. Many lines read "unknown,wife controls access." Anyone remember the famous spread sheet? Also he has the passwords and sign in for our joint accounts or could just walk over to the bank anytime and get whatever statements he wants.

Anyway, I looked at these two opposing forces, the legal horror and the gift (and mind you, even the gift is from a trip paid for by the godfather of my kids who is paying for his divorce lawyer, so anything from that trip is also in my mind dripping with evil already). I had an interior battle with rage and bitterness while my daughter was enjoying her gifts. She said to me, "Hey, maybe Papa gave you the gift because he doesn't want to divorce." It took all the will power left in my broken little bag of will power to not say, "There is a letter from his lawyer right here." I had already screwed up by openly showing my disgust and saying, "That is ridiculous!" when I first saw the gift, so I tried to back pedal by saying how pretty her gift was. I called a Christian friend, and she said to just say, "Thanks for thinking of me, I wasn't expecting that!" which I know is probably the best way to librate myself as well, but I pointed out that I hadn't looked at him or spoken to him since mid-September, so uttering any words at all in any direction near him would be a mountain of a struggle.

Going to go pray now. Probably will not say anything about the gift and just stay dark. I am filing the motion this week. But just wanted to post this here since only my LBS friends could shake their heads knowingly at the juxtaposition of those two things on the table upon my arrival home from my already-over break from MLC h$ll.

Love,

Gerda

Last edited by Gerda; 11/11/18 10:03 PM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
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Gerda,

I know you were angry coming home to the pile of mail w/the papers and the gift all in one place, but you need to rethink acknowledging the gift. I know you don't want to, but it wouldn't hurt to just say "thank you for the gift" and leave it at that. Be the better person here and show him that you aren't going to stoop to his level.

I've been where you are right now and the best revenge is to live your life to the fullest and know that you are the strong one at the moment. The old saying, "kill them with kindness" does work. Besides, doing the 180 and thanking him for the gift just may give him pause to wonder what you are up to. Gerda, he knows you so well and is expecting you not to acknowledge the gift.

Take a huge breath and know that things will get better in time. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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