I would check on her periodically, just as you would a friend. I would offer support and any assistance that she may need and let her know that there are no strings attached to the offer of assistance. Right now, she has a lot going on and she's scared and she isn't sure what the outcome may be. So, as a friend, be there to listen when she wants to talk. Right now, she has to focus on herself and what she needs to do to get through the cancer situation.
Be that friend she needs at this time. If she says no, then back off...but if you leave the door ajar and give her the opportunity to think about your offer of assistance, she may take you up on it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job - she did take me up on it. She asked the boys and I if we could come see her. We were going to bring her dinner tonight, but we got snow and the roads were bad, so she didn't want us to try. But she did ask if we could could come see her tomorrow. So we will see what happens - same thing with bringing her dinner since she is sore and tired and not moving around a bunch. Let you all know how it goes.
Well a little surprising tonight. I spoke with her by phone this morning when she called me to tell me the boys had a school delay because of snow. I already knew because the school called, but thanked her for the heads up. She asked if we could still do dinner tonight because she was going "stir crazy" sitting in the house healing from surgery. I told her the boys had hockey tonight, but I would text her and let her know where I was taking the kids if she was interested in joining us. She told me she would still like to do something for dinner. Also boys wanted to send her some flowers with a "heal soon" message so I sent them yesterday. Didn't make the card sound to pressuring - just said "heal soon - we miss you. Love the boys, the dogs and me. She texted me about 3pm today with a picture of the flowers and thanking me for how pretty they were - not expecting that.
Then to my surprise she shows up at the boys hockey practice about half way through - which I had no idea she was going to do. She sat down next to me and we talked a bit. She told me she was real tired and hasn't been sleeping much. I just told her I understood, and I was having some troubles myself. Then we both drove to dinner. Went pretty good - we had fun overall, but she was not very talkative - probably b/c she was tired - not going to read into it as she did just have surgery 2 days ago. She told me she felt good enough to go to work tomorrow and wasn't going to stay home. Again I just tried to do more listening than anything, but we had fun with the kids. I did ask her if she was sure she wanted me to come for Thanksgiving - and she got a little defensive and told me if I had plans I didn't have to come again. I told her I would like to come if she wanted me too and she said she did and then threw in the comment again about how I make a better turkey and than laughed and told me that's night why she invited me. We all left and she said goodbye to the kids and hugged them and said bye to me. She also brought us some homemade cookies which were really good.
Anyways when I was putting the boys to bed tonight, they commented how mom was kind of quiet - but, and I forgot to mention, they had both written her "get well" cards and the jist of them both was they wish she was at home with dad so I could take care of her and she would get better soon. Listen folks - I didn't write the cards. Just what my kids want and I wasn't going to tell them "no". Secondly, one of my boys who was hanging out with her while I was getting the other out of his hockey skates told me that mom said she was "lonely by herself in her house and wishes she had someone to hug." So not sure what to think about that one - just told him I'm sure she gets lonely when you guys aren't there. So that's all for now. I will get back when something else happens. Love to all.
You are doing a nice job in not pressuring her and being a friend. The flowers and cards were a nice touch and will give her plenty to think about in the days ahead.
Keep up the good work!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
