Home Sweet Home

[job]

I agree w/Coconut...you and your D looked so happy and beautiful at the wedding. Sometimes we need to take a break from the day to day life and just enjoy a day out. I'm sure everyone was happy to see you both and were happy to share their special day w/you and your D.

[Ginger1]

Thank you! You re both right, I would have regretted not going. The ride there was pure he!!. over 6 hours and me needing lots and lots of strong coffee. There was so much traffic and I was so tired. But we made it. I actually had not seen this cousin since her first wedding in 2012, lol. But D11 got to meet a lot of family from my mom's side she never met. I am very happy for that. They were all charmed by her maturity. I had lots of lobster which was great, lol. Maine is beautiful, especially this time of the year, and I hope to get back to be a tourist one day. The ride home was much better, 4.5 hours.

My dad and my stepmom are slightly insane, but I am thankful for what they did. My dad doesn't fix or do anything. He grew up in apartments and pays the superintendent. My dad felt bad for being gone, so he hired a handyman service to do a bunch of things at an extraordinary cost that made me cringe. By my dishwasher is installed, my TV's are hung, my stools are put together, my mailbox is in and all the junk from the carpets has been happed away, plaus a few other things. They also contained my mess with boxes a bit. My home is more functional and it was nice to come home to a non-disaster area. However I have no heat and my drier isn't working, so I need to take care of that today. They came and turned on the gas. My stove works, but nothing else.

So, I had my first time of questioning with my new guy. I think it was me though and my time of the month, I am not sure. This is a rough time for him as his S is away and his ex won't let him contact him. He kept himself very busy this weekend with his garage,. We haven't seen eachtoher since last sunday night at which point he was telling me how much he likes spending time with me, how I make him smile, ect. We keep in tough every day with good mornings and good nights. He went to his friend's house Wednesday, and I don't bother him when he is out, but I said goodnight and everything was good.

He got weird on Friday night. Just not his usual self. Wished me safe travels with a kissy face, but something just seemed off. When I was away, he did communicate, but again, something seemed off. I know he was working on his garage from morning to night. He didn't say goodnight last night which was unusual, but I imagined he fell asleep.

I began to get real panicky, which I hate. Trying to figure out if I said or did anything wrong, but I haven't even seen him and we only text. I don't know why I freaked out so much. Maybe because I feel cursed and my gut feelings are always right. But I realize something might be off, but it doesn't mean that it is me. This morning he seems more like himself, and he texted me "Good morning beautiful". We chatted a bit and we do have a date planned for tomorrow. A part of me is waiting for him to tell me "this isn't working" or "something doesn't feel right" which would be a 180 from how he said he was feeling.

I am hoping my gut was just being hormonal, it had nothing to do with me, and we have a great time. Because I do miss him and look forward to seeing him.

Oh, and positive OLD news..... one of my best friends that I had mentioned had moved to FL 2 years ago to make a change in her life hoping to meet someone and begin a family as she is my age and singe. She met someone on POF a year ago down there..... and they got engaged yesterday!!!! He proposed at Magic Kingdom. I am so incredibly happy for her, as I know she wants a family so bad! She deserves all the love in the world. Our other friend and I am going to plan the bachelorette party of a lifetime at a destination. We have all been waiting for this! So, online love really does happen.

[DonH]

It's been awhile since I've said it but longer time readers here will remember I often used to say, Ginger, you and I are a lot alike. Now even your cycle and Wild Girls seems in sync! LMAO!!!!! I really hear you though when you say:

I began to get real panicky, which I hate. Trying to figure out if I said or did anything wrong, but I haven't even seen him and we only text. I don't know why I freaked out so much. Maybe because I feel cursed and my gut feelings are always right. But I realize something might be off, but it doesn't mean that it is me.

That's what was happening with me and Wild Girl. Yet we'd talk on the phone or see each other or the next day would come and all would be "normal" again - and I'd think, see Don, it was all in your head STOP IT - until it wasn't all in my head anymore. I don't say that to scare you - I say it in part to trust your gut, but mostly to validate why at least I think it is that we feel this way. We feel this way because that's how it's often gone, that's how it often goes for others, etc. How else would we feel? Even if we do hold firm, say, ya know what, it's his (or her) loss if they bail, etc., but in truth, it really gets old after awhile. Should life really have to be about searching for someone you are interested in, getting to know them, going through all the early stuff, becoming intimate, and then having it blow up or fizzle out three months later so then you just start all over again. What fun is that? When do you get to the comfortable part and to the happily ever after part?

So yes, being hormonal can be a part of it. Although, perhaps is it too much too soon - not only on your part, but I really am talking more now on his. And I ask somewhat more philosophically as that's what I'm struggling with in my sitch now. Is it healthy to be texting every morning and every night when things are still so new? Should you be doing 3 hour telephone conversations three or four times a week? (That's in my case now) Is that good? Something tells me it's not but I'm not sure I can articulate why. You may just have been following what he was doing - or you told him that you like and or need these texts and now he feels obligated? Or he may well just have fallen asleep. If not, it's not the worst thing if he's wanting to back off a little. Don't hold on tighter if he is - let him back off as it might be what he needs. I wish I could tell you how not to be anxious when it happens - but I can't - although if you figure out how not to react like this, please let me know!

Oh, and positive OLD news..... one of my best friends that I had mentioned had moved to FL 2 years ago to make a change in her life hoping to meet someone and begin a family as she is my age and singe. She met someone on POF a year ago down there..... and they got engaged yesterday!!!!

So, online love really does happen.

Great for them and yes online love really does happen, lottery jackpots really are won and divorces really are busted. Sadly, we just all know how often those things happen versus the other. Without a doubt OLD does pay off for some just like divorce busting works for some and actually restores the M. We've got a couple of them happening on the boards right now. Unfortunately, that's like the 10% of it while most of us sit in the other 90% - that's clearly where I sit. Good for your friend though. Let's hope you tell us all about the wedding in a year or so.

[TBSakaJ9]

I have a girlfriend of mine who thought her BF was going to dump her because he missed sending 1 good morning text and instead of sending a "how is your day" text he sent a "Have a great day text"......she felt he was being dismissive and was pulling away. So she called me and I stopped her from going all blitzkrieg on him. She was soo jaded and hurt from her past OLD experiences and R's that her guard was up at all times waiting for the slightest thing to happen to cause her to dump a guy so she wouldn't get hurt. When she approached him on her issues the guy was totally taken back, totally surprised by how she felt, and apologized because he didn't think anything of what he was doing. She also commented to me that they do the same thing every day and night with the texting and it has lost it's desired effect.

I would just be patient G and see how the dates go tomorrow.

[Ginger1]

My guard is always way up. It really is like a PTSD reaction.

I luckily did not approach him at all. He seems to be back to his normal self today. I think he is really struggling without seeing his son. He was very communicative today, he made some cute flirty jokes and everything seems to be a little better. I resisted every urge to address it. I'll see how we are tomorrow night. He even offered to check out why I have no heat in my house when he comes by tomorrow night.

Like Don said, I think the panic is having something seem so good one minute then disappearing without explanation the next really freaks me out. I can't go through these stages repeatedly anymore of dating, getting to know someone, getting comfortable, being intimate and then starting all over. I did tell myself if this doesn't work out, I am taking a whole year off. Celibacy, no dating, nothing. Just me.

[Dawn70]

Totally get the guard always being up. Been there, done that! I'm glad to see that the new guy is already seeming "back to normal". I hope that continues for you. I'm so glad things seem to be moving in your direction!

[DonH]

I did tell myself if this doesn't work out, I am taking a whole year off. Celibacy, no dating, nothing. Just me.

Oh, yeah, that's rich - everyone who believes this ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ stand on your head!

Sorry my friend, I simply don't believe you - as you've said very similar things in the past and then had your next date scheduled within 10 days. LOL But I do get your point - it's so exhausting having it happen and what's worse, it's now exhausting thinking about it. I've lived it so I do know.

Let's just hope we do not have to test it and in this I'm very serious. See, it's these thoughts in your head that will do you in. I know you don't think it will come across but trust me, it will. It just does. I can sense it and I don't think I'm alone. I sense it to the point that I can't even put it into words. I tried on my thread but it was tough - I can't as much tell you why we get these feelings from women, we just do. I just don't know how to suggest you change it other than acting as if. The fact that you had to use so much self control not to say anything to him tells me it will come through in other ways. Remember somewhere above 80% of communication is NON-VERBAL. So the fact that you didn't SPEAK anything only means 20% of what you are feeling did not get communicated. That may even be that "something is just not right" that you've had a few guys tell you. It's just like me, I struggle to tell you what it is that is not just right, I just somehow feel it. So you've really got to dig deep here and let it go. We most fear things that we cannot control - and we cannot control what other people are going to do. We can influence a bit but not control. If the worst happens and he doesn't back off, you will be okay Ginger. You won't have to stop dating for a year and your world will go on. I mean look at the guys that came before. It sounds like this guy certainly is better for you than at least half of the others - perhaps all of them?

Like Joseph's female friend, rather than reaching out to this new guy - who, by the way seems like we need a name for him - phone or text a friend, tell us here (like you eventually did) just don't bring it up to him. You have to act as if you want to be with him but if not you'll be just fine and will find someone even better. Let that non-verbal come through to him. And if the morning and night texts slow down, it's okay, it's not the end. I can tell you, I'd never be able to keep that up with someone - even if I was really, really into them. Now to me, THAT get's exhausting. But what do I know. LOL

Just enjoy your date - at least you have one. And I think your gas lines inside the home might be shut off. In fact, I'm betting that's what it is. Lines have valves so you can remove the appliance, etc. Someone likely turned these valves off and they are still off. Turn them on and I'll be you'll have gas other places.

[AndrewP]

I think one thing that we all do far far too much is over-think and over-analyze. Wanting to understand and fix is part of what led us all here so it's going against our normal nature.

I do it myself as you all are more than fully aware.

Wouldn't it be nice though if we could just "accept" without understanding?

[Ginger1]

Andrew, you re absolutely right, I am a fixer and believe there is a solution to every problem if I know what the problem is! Accepting without understanding has taken me years of practice, but I am much better at it.

Don, are you trying to say something about me is needy and clingy? Because I don't think so. Yes, I have insecurities, for sure, but I am far from needy and clingy. Or are you saying there is something just nor right with me to be in a relationship with? You get that vibe too? Please do share if you could put your finger on it, because no one has ever been able to put a finger on it.

I have no clue what vibe I give off, but I am also just a very genuine person who wears her heart on her sleeve. When I try to be anything but, well, that comes across kind of wonky, because it's not me.

The good news is he is back to his normal self completely, so it seems. I think it was a touch of my hormones, because I do become extremely sensitive and insecure at my time of the month. Part was him dealing with stuff and doing stuff. So, all good. Hopefully all will be good tonight. I am learning, and I have been much more relaxed with him. We can call him "M". I often wish I didn't have so many scars. But I do the best I can with them. The right man will understand and love me for me.

So this morning I had another adventure in homeownership. I finally figured which valves were off and why I wasn't getting heat. Unfortunately that caused a flood from the radiator in my bedroom on my brand new hardwood floors. Thank God I went back in my bedroom, I would have come home to a disaster. The plumber stopped in after I left for work and found there was a disconnected pipe in my bedroom. he has stuff to handle but said he would be back and I would have heat tonight. Boy am I leanring a lot, the hard way.

I just want tonight to come. I greatly look forward to spending time with M. It's been a while!

[DonH]

Don, are you trying to say something about me is needy and clingy? Because I don't think so. Yes, I have insecurities, for sure, but I am far from needy and clingy. Or are you saying there is something just nor right with me to be in a relationship with? You get that vibe too? Please do share if you could put your finger on it, because no one has ever been able to put a finger on it.

I have no clue what vibe I give off, but I am also just a very genuine person who wears her heart on her sleeve. When I try to be anything but, well, that comes across kind of wonky, because it's not me.

I think you are hitting on some of it on your own. Again, my thoughts and vibes have to be tempered by two things - first I'm getting a "more honest" look because you are sharing very personal things here that I would hope you are not sharing with these new guys. Second, I am viewing it through my prism which I fully admit may be broken - or at least not be typical.

That said, yes I do think the vibe you give off may come across as needy for sure and possibly clingy. I know you don't think so - many of us don't think our vibe comes off like it does. What I think is that, yes you very much do wear your heart on your sleeve - and that right there can come across as needy - I know it does to me - not specifically from you, again just in general. But as time goes on I think those insecurities come through - we know they do in some circumstances that you've told us about. You get panicky when you don't hear from a guy or when he doesn't react like you think he should. You think they don't pick up on this because you don't say anything but trust me, they/we do. I'm sure I've had the very same happen with Wild Girl as she is EXTREMELY aware of all sorts of little things - she's like a pro at it - and I could tell, just by some of the things she'd say to me. I think our insecurities come across and it's just never sexy when they do.

Now, I do not at all think that something is just not right with you to be in an R. I just think you still want it too much and too fast. I really do think you've made good strides forward on curbing that, you really have. But just like you could sense something was off with M, he can sense the same in you. I know for sure that HC did. I'm pretty sure ax man did. It's not bad for you or anyone to want an R. I just think you may want it too much and get panicky when anything happens to throw that into question - which is largely due to what has happened to you. It's a viscous cycle.

But, I have to also say, the more all of this goes on - just life in general - the less I think I know about much of it. You would think it can't be this hard and I don't know why it is. Perhaps the longer we live the more baggage we accumulate and the more it effects us.

And calling him "M" - BORING. I mean from Hot Chocolate, Ax Man, and Mr. Softee to "M" C'mon we can do better than that!