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DavidUK Offline OP
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Some good news... the court case has been delayed and so the kids are due to be back at home with me on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Years Eve, and New Years Day. It will be great for the kids to be at home where they have celebrated every year.

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A few weeks ago I was in turmoil thinking about whether to D W. I am not involved with organised religion but I went into a cathedral and asked to speak to someone about my problems as I wanted advice about whether or not to D W. I met a woman who was amazing at listening and said a prayer for me to help guide me to make the right decision.

A few days ago I went back as I wanted to thank the person and say that a few things had started to go my way such as the children are due to be home with me for Christmas. I spotted her right away and she seemed surprised that I went to say thanks. As I was leaving I heard her say an Our Father over the PA system in the cathedral and she said that if anyone needed to talk then she was available to listen.

Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name;
thy kingdom come;
thy will be done;
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation;
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
the power and the glory,
for ever and ever.
Amen.

I have heard and said the prayer so many times over the years and yet hadn't given it much thought until then but it suddenly made sense to me and it felt incredibly powerful.

I went out last night with a woman who had given me her phone number to get together to talk about a shared interest. It was great and all our other interests etc. are identical too. I've never known someone so perfectly matched for me. She even knew things I didn't know about an obscure passion of mine from an era before she was even born. She is totally gorgeous and inteligent. BUT she's less than half of my age.

We went to a cool bar, then went for a meal, then another cool bar. No chance of romance due to the age difference but we had a great evening and she asked to meet again in a few days. I declined because I'm busy but I also realised that I'd met W before the woman was even born.

Perhaps I was destined to meet her to help show me that there could be another life without W. Who knows. I want to try to save a MR with W but I can't do that alone so just have to try to get on with my life as best I can.

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I met W at the change-over on Sunday. I then went into a shop with the kids, W followed us a few mins later. W offered to be helpful with a lift back to the family home etc. I've accepted in the past but she's twisted it and lied to use against me so I declined. I said "No, not after what happened last time". I guess this is me setting boundaries.

Sandi2 says about a WW needs a sense of loss to get out of a fog, perhaps the kids being with me at Christmas and New Year in the family home might do it? Regardless, I'm going to concentrate on giving the kids as normal/great Christmas as possible. The fact that W can't now be trusted to visit us even for Christmas is her loss but it's the kids I feel sorry for.

For the next couple of days I felt a dark feeling in my eyes and head. That cleared on Tuesday and Wednesday but I felt bad again today. It's like the song 'I get knocked down but I get up again'.

The kids and I seem closer than ever. They always say how good it feels to be home etc. However, W is manipulating them asking them to deceive me. I feel so much for them being put in that position by W. I tell them they are free to tell their mum whatever they like about me and their time with me.

W is doing a parenting course this week (I've already done it) because I'd asked the court to include it. For the sake of the kids, I hope that she realises that she's done terrible things.

GAL is going well. I have made a list of achievements since W left and a list of things I need to do. The to do list is getting shorter. I know what I have to do and to keep doing it. The 22 year-old i went out with last Friday sent me a message today to say she had a great time with me. I sat on a bench today and a woman sat beside me. She was lovely, told me she had no social life, is 24, single etc. I feel such positive interactions are helping to keep me going.

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DavidUK Offline OP
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Met W for the kids change-over. She again followed us into the shop, I noticed that she'd made an effort to wear lots of make-up for a change, probably the most she's ever worn. I laughed but couldn't say why. She then got cash-back right in front of me. I said "you don't know when to stop do you" (as she's taking cash to hide). She only then realised what she'd done. It's become so second nature to her that she doesn't even think of doing it right in front of me. She then again offered us a lift back home, I declined (because she can't be trusted not to make a scene).

I bought the kids their first games console. W has then gone and bought them the same one and same game and from the same shop. I take the kids for a meal and W takes them to the same place days later and orders the same meals. Yesterday, W left one of the kids with a family who she never used to like because their child behaves so badly and eats tons of junk food.

My GAL is getting better all the time but I've had some bad days recently when I was feeling very down but the better days are getting better.

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I went to a shop this morning and my card was declined. I can sort it out but it was just one more thing on top of everything else. Got home and then in tears.

W has lied so much to me, the police, courts, friends and relatives, tries to turn the kids against me etc. all because I had been depressed when a parent died, so earning less money and I told W her abuse was no longer acceptable to me. I thought she was the love of my life, my soul-mate, my best friend etc. I deserve far better than this.

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Hi David,

you're in "poor me" mode. Snap out of it! You're living through her. You're competing with her. You're letting her decide when you're happy and when you're sad. You're deep in the games, she plays them, you play them, and then you both look at each other down the barrel of the gun.

You're going to have to toughen up if you want to save your MR. You need to get yourself right for your kids. But you have to start acting from your own value system instead of getting caught up in all these little games and fights. It's not helping you or your sitch or your kids. You think they can't tell what is going on?


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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DavidUK Offline OP
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Thanks ovrrnbw, I've realised my down times coincide with a lack of sleep the previous night. Yesterday, my eldest said they can't remember me ever being grumpy.

I'm staying calm and cool and not getting involved in W games. I've recently been declining her offers to get in the car with her for a lift when we meet once a week at the change-over for the kids. I think she would have noticed I've let go as that's how I felt the last time we met. I laughed to myself about her so I would have seemed happy.

I rarely contact her and only then related to the kids but today I sent a message asking if she would share the govt money we receive for the kids as it gets paid to her name. She said "Sorry" that she hadn't shared it and would do so and back-date it. It isn't much money but it helps. It's the first time she has said sorry for years but her words mean nothing to me at the moment. She has little option but to share the money anyway because it could have looked bad on her in court. Besides, it's a drop in the ocean compared to what she is taking to hide.

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I've worked out that W and IL have been lying to me for 4 or more years about money they had inherited. During that time W had constantly made me feel bad for not being able to afford a bigger house... I now know she had the money to make that happen but had lied to me. Victim support have explained to me that W had been controlling and abusive for making me feel bad.

Yesterday, W said she wanted to come to the family home to look for something but didn't say what. I don't want her near home and that is why my L insists that change-overs have to be in a public place because W can't be trusted not to cause a scene to try to use against me.

Today, I went to a school event to support eldest. W and in-laws were there. I sat away from them and didn't start any conversation with them. They looked very guilty but then I forgot they were even there. At the end W came up to me to thank me for doing something for one of the kids that they had already thanked me for.

Part of me thinks separation has been good because initially, W had blamed me for everything and then she refused to discuss our MR. BUT I've since realised I've been lied to for years by W (and IL). I'm likely to lose my kids and home due to W lies but I still have my honesty and integrity.

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DavidUK Offline OP
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I went to the school today to do a classroom activity with one of the kids and W.

I didn't start any conversation with W. She looked sad, glum and guilty. Most of the time I forgot she was there as I was so busy with the activity. No doubt I will have lots of bad days ahead but I hope to remember today as a positive step towards regaining me.

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Moving forward D! Enjoy the freedom, enjoy the kids.


WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
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